


The choice of fate

by Coffeeduck87



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Azgeda, Between S2 and S3, Canon Divergence, Clexa Endgame, F/F, Fix It, I know Lexa is a lesbian and so am I, It's just a baby, Lexa is Alive, Mentions of past Lexa/Roan, Pregnant Lexa (The 100), Slow Burn, This is still a Clexa baby, Unplanned Pregnancy, canonverse, floukru
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:47:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 66,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27635663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coffeeduck87/pseuds/Coffeeduck87
Summary: Lexa was the chosen one. Born a Nightblood, won the conclave, ascended to be Heda.Love is weakness and to be Commander is to be alone. It was decided all her life that she would never experience true love - let alone a family. Until fate decided to show her how unpredictable it can be.War is brewing... The coalition is unstable after the fall of Mount Weather - and there may never be a chance for reconciliation with Clarke after she betrayed and abandoned her.Right when the situation couldn't seem to get any worse, Lexa finds herself pregnant and needs to make a decision.Will she make this choice with her head or her heart?
Relationships: Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 169
Kudos: 158





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Important note! Please read before you begin reading this story!
> 
> The 100 and it’s characters are intellectual properties of the CW/WB, but you know that already since this is ao3.  
> The contents of this story do not violate the terms and guidelines of ao3  
> I tagged this work to my best knowledge
> 
> Content warnings
> 
> This story does not depict any graphically detailed sexual acts between Lexa and any male character, not as flashbacks and not as live action. It is however mentioned as something that did occur in the past. The outcome of the story may also lead to this conclusion. If you feel triggered or offended by such topics please don’t read it. 
> 
> This story is in no way shape of form intended to be “pro life propaganda”. My goal was to illustrate Lexa’s struggle of coming to term with an unintended pregnancy. I do not intend to demonize abortions, women who seek it and doctors who perform it. 
> 
> The depiction of Lexa having a full set of female reproductive organs, conceiving and carrying a child to term without any medical assistance and in absence of ABO-dynamics may appear cisnormative and not inclusive to some people! If you find this upsetting please don’t read this story. It was never my intent to hurt anybody. 
> 
> Just because there is one fanfiction that depicts Lexa different from the TV series "The 100" does not erase or invalidate her canonical character concept. Like the countless modern day AU's where she is, for example a dancer, lawyer or high school student do not erase the fact that she was originally created as the Commander of the Grounders. 
> 
> For the sake of authenticity, I do "pretend" that this story is "real". Please do not discuss the sense and nonsense of fanfiction on a fanfiction platform!
> 
> ***

Night has fallen over Polis. The pale, bright moon and the cold fog in the air envelop the quiet, sleeping city in a shining and radiant steam of sparkling gold.  
Summer has passed and it was cold at night.

Lexa was staring outside the window of her quarters. As on the other few nights before she had been sleepless. Her bed was empty – her own space, as well as the space next to her. She feels her heart beating faster. Her hands are trembling and she believes that if it goes on like this she would soon not be able to rule anymore like she's used to. She feels how her ongoing restlessness makes her fussy and nervous, unfocused. Yet she could not calm herself enough to overcome this issue, no matter how hard she tried.  
It's those memories that are hunting her. The harvest had been anything other than rich this year and the coalition once again has become unstable. The treaty with Azgeda she made three months ago has been broken and an agreement with Skaikru has not yet been made. She fears invasion from Nia’s army and feels like she failed her people.

Her relationship with Clarke had been complicated. Lexa still hoped for her “maybe someday”. Right now she wanted nothing more than Clarke’s forgiveness. At least it looks like the alliance with Skaikru will be a success. Lexa was very well aware of the fact that this alone, maybe the reason why she had been on good terms with Clarke. However deep inside her heart, Lexa believes that Clarke is fighting the urge to kill her each time she enters the room. But this is not the time to act out on emotions, because the fate of the world is at stake. Both women know that and need to do their best in working together towards a solution and their common dream of a peaceful world.

It became more and more apparent that the Queen of the Ice Nation wasn't interested in a peace treaty. The only thing Nia cared about was achieving power for herself after all. Lexa blames herself for not foreseeing it, since she knew so well that Queen Nia wasn’t anyone to be trusted. What Lexa didn’t anticipate was that Nia would go so far as to banish her own son. She thought that any deal made with Roan would be a valid one under Azgeda law. Lexa still hates him and won’t forgive that he had betrayed her, despite having an agreement – yet again, it was him who eventually found Clarke and brought her to Polis. Was their agreement foolish and an unnecessary sacrifice? Did it eventually make matters worse between Azgeda and the remaining coalition? Thoughts and questions have been spinning around in her head now for weeks.

It's devastating because Lexa was indeed willing to sacrifice so much for the sake of the coalition – for the sake of peace between their people. What’s even worse is the thought of betraying Costia’s memory. Maybe she should have acted out on emotion. Maybe she should just not have bothered with Azgeda at all and simply declare war, invade and lay waste to everything belonging to Nia. But then she reminded herself that she was beyond revenge and seeking a peaceful solution was always the right thing to do at first.

She was tired and angry about wasting any further thoughts on Azgeda. But if she wasn’t thinking about the enemy, her thoughts immediately went to Clarke. Something else she screwed up – or at least that’s what she thought. After the death of Costia, Lexa didn’t think she would ever love someone again. Now this beautiful young blonde fell from the sky and had become so special to her. It was a mistake betraying her at Mount Weather. It was a short sighted decision. They should have invaded and destroyed the mountain men together. What if Clarke hadn’t pulled the lever and would have died instead? There wouldn’t have been any chance for an agreement with Skaikru – and the remaining clans would have to fight on two fronts, after the mountain has fallen. Clarke refused to see her. Spat in her face and threatened to kill her.

“Maybe I should just express my gratitude instead of telling her I would be in need of her help”

Lexa walked over to the door of her quarters. She takes hold of the door knob and carefully opens it, trying carefully not to make a sound. She takes a step out into the hallway, which appears to be empty and illuminated in dim candle light. Her eyes focus on the right corner next to the door.

The guard assigned this night was sitting on his chair, snoring loudly, but his weapon is still tightly clamped in his hands. Lexa rolled her eyes, shook her head and gasped, but she couldn't hold back a smile at what she saw. Her eyes then focused on the window of Clarke’s quarters. She could see a light flickering inside.

“Looks like someone else is sleepless tonight just as me, while someone else's sleep is too great.” Lexa spoke to herself. She hesitated whether or not she should go over, but eventually decided to. She had her reasons, Clarke could have fallen asleep with a burning candle next to her and this could potentially be dangerous. Of course Lexa knew this was just an excuse to see Clarke, but she didn’t like to admit this to herself.

Lexa walks across the corridor and opens the door to Clarke's quarters. She didn’t knock beforehand and hesitantly walked in.

“What do you want, Lexa?“ the angry blonde grumbled, not even looking at who actually walked inside, since she already knew by the sound of the footsteps, that it couldn't have been anybody else. 

“You should rest, Klark.” Lexa’s voice sounded worried and full of affection.

“Look who's talking.” Clarke, who was sitting at the edge of her bed, risked to take a glimpse at the Commander who was just standing motionlessly beside her. Clarke just wanted to be angry, but her voice immediately softened as soon as she felt the other woman’s presence. She could simply not deny what she felt for Lexa. She wanted to hate her, but couldn’t force herself to.

Lexa was barefoot, hair down, and she was wearing this irresistible black nightgown, which was slit up to her hip and therefore slightly indicating that she wasn't wearing any undergarments.

Clarke didn’t know if she wanted to kill her or fuck her when realizing this fact. She thought it wasn’t fair from Lexa to appear before her like this. Her feelings for this woman were so chaotic, so intense. Clarke hated everything about it, still deep within her heart she just wanted to let it all go. She could almost not control her urges anymore. She grew weak again – something inside of her just couldn’t push Lexa away right now.

“Have a seat. I feel bad for you just standing there in the cold. You... probably should have chosen to wear something warmer.... or whatever.”Clarke's voice was somewhat angry, but still somewhat concerned. Did she really just catch herself thinking she doesn’t want Lexa to be cold? If she truly felt like this, how could she possibly hate her? Not care for her? Clarke just didn’t want to accept yet that it may come down to her own pride. 

“Klark, I just wanted to see if you went to sleep and left the candle burning... again. Klark, I told you this is something you must not forget. If it was to burn the wax completely, something else may catch fire.”

“Yes, no, I mean I know...” Clarke couldn’t really focus, she was tired and annoyed again. “Why couldn’t Lexa be honest instead of using the stupid candle as an excuse?” She thought. “Is there anything else you wanted to tell me?” Clarke added in an attempt not to sound all too stupid. 

Lexa just shook her head, lowered her gaze and got up again.

“Good night Ambassador.” she whispers before walking out of the door.

“Reshop Heda.” Clarke whispered when the door behind Lexa closed.

As soon as the Commander left, Clarke slammed her fist into the pillow. Why did she have to feel this way? Why was her love and longing for this woman something so beyond her control? It didn’t make any sense, Clarke has loved before – but this was something on another level. Just why? She kept asking herself over and over again. She didn’t want this. She told herself that Lexa wasn’t a good person, that she could not be trusted and would have left her for dead, and abandoned and betrayed her in the worst way possible, so why would she still love her? 

Everybody else she knew just hated her – besides Anya of course. But that’s because Anya is carved out of the same wood. Just as cruel and heartless. But somehow Lexa is worse than Anya, Clarke thought inside of her mind. It takes a lot to be worse than Anya, so this really had to mean something.

“Wow, I’m just so stupid. How could I love someone who is even worse than Anya…? Clarke kept rambling on and on, in an attempt to forget about her feelings. If someone told me that in summer… I’d have gladly let the Mountain Men use me for spare parts… Or let Bellamy shoot me… Or get floated on the ark… anything but just put me out of this misery already.” Alright, maybe she was exaggerating. Still she didn’t like the situation she found herself in. And it was all Lexa’s fault.

Clarke wanted nothing more than to kiss her passionately, running her hands over the thigh that her black nightdress so seductively exposed. Her heart wanted her so much – but her head told her to stay away from Lexa as far as somehow possible.

At least staying in Polis was serving a purpose. It was in the best interest of her people after all. She had a reason to stay. Negotiations have to be made, treaties have to be signed. Terms and conditions needed in order to find the best solution. Keep Azgeda at bay no matter what. We need justice, but we shouldn’t compromise Nia so much that she gets angry.

Clarke drifts off into sleep, her mind still a mess. She doesn’t know if she should let the candle burn or not – on one hand she wanted Lexa to come over and check on her once more, on the other hand she was too tired for another speech about candles at this hour. She eventually decides to blow it out and drift into sleep very shortly after.

She didn’t hear Lexa yelling at the sleeping guard for daring to neglect his duty.

The startled man awoke, shaking his head in confusion and went pale in shock as he saw who was standing in front of him – in a black Nightgown.

“H....Heda... Please... Show mercy I have a wife and five children!” He muttered, more asleep than awake.

“I was just going to ask you to get some rest and ask the Flamekeeper to assign another guard to your post.” Lexa replied calmly, stepping through the door of her quarters.  
“It took me a while to get you conscious. If someone were to assassinate me, you would not have noticed. Consider yourself lucky I suffer from insomnia these days and can defend myself if necessary.”  
Lexa was softly spoken and calm as always as she locked the door behind herself.

And with these words the young man walked away and disappeared into the darkness of the corridor, hiding his bright red face in shame and hoping Lexa won’t recognize him again during the next few days.


	2. Chapter 2

The following days, Lexa had been plagued with a bad headache. This was unusual, something she had not experienced all too often before in her life. She blames the insomnia for it.  
One fateful morning she wakes up dizzy and almost feels like fainting. She forces herself to get up and walk over to her dresser, when she suddenly blacks out for a brief moment. It was when she realized the feeling of nausea and quickly made her way to the bathroom. She threw up, which was weird. Her stomach was empty and as a Nightblood she can’t possibly suffer from stomach infections.   
Lexa forces herself through her duties, day after day. It’s been getting worse and her Nightblood noviciates, even Titus has now come to the realization that something must be wrong with her.   
She stands on the balcony of her tower, staring at the clouds, inhaling the cold air of the autumn midnight sky. She meditates, desperately seeking for advice but not even the Commanders seem to have an answer for her at this time. She could not make anything out of these cryptic visions and messages she sometimes receives , and neither could she find the time and energy she needed for the upcoming summit. She was at the edge of crumbling and scared to the core someone else may notice her current state.   
At this point Lexa felt nothing but incompetent, unfit to command. She was a wreck, defeated - a failed Commander. The visions inside of her head terrified her. Becca and the others would tell her it was impossible to stop what had been set in motion, that another conclave was to be expected soon and the end of Lexa’s reign was near. She was aware this means that she was going to die. She wasn’t ready of course, nobody of her age would be willing to just accept death at such a young age, yet she had to pretend she was. Life and death to a Natblida is equal. So she was told. 

In an attempt to find an answer and eventually a solution to her problems, during the following days Lexa has gone through endless possibilities, including the impossible ones as well. As she meditates in front of her bed, she relives past memories and conversations she used to have with others.   
There were those stories she always overheard, when Indra and Anya had those conversations between adult women, when she was still a child. Lexa somehow felt that what she is experiencing right now is exactly what Indra had described when Gaia was still growing underneath her heart. Those were ordinary and very common knowledge and confessions amongst women. Sooner or later, most of them were to receive the gift of new life. However, Lexa also knew that she, as well as other Natblida were exempt from this. Only the first of them, who Becca Pramheda herself had bestown the gift of Nightblood upon, were still capable of procreation. Everyone who was born a Nightblood however, could not ever bear a child - because their purpose in life was another. Be Heda or be dead - it always will and always has been this way. So it wasn’t possible this could be the case with her. To be Commander is to be alone. No relationship and especially - no family. 

The Skaikru delegation arrives today, since the summit will be held in just a few days.   
Failing at such an important occasion would be terrible, so Lexa tries to pull herself together. It’s almost impossible as the last weeks left a remarkable strain on her. The lack of sleep, the permanent sickness in the morning and Clarke avoiding her constantly, just didn’t do her any good.   
As she dresses herself, something seems very strange. She felt that she had been gaining weight and struggled to lock her gear comfortably around her abdominal area. Nothing about her diet changed during the past several weeks, so she is surprised to say the least - actually, scared would be a better word to describe what she felt about it, terrified to be even more specific.   
No, this wasn’t possible she thought… Not her - she is a Nightblood.   
She walks to her bedroom door, asking the guards to send for Sophie, one of her handmaidens sworn to secrecy - the one amongst them she trusted the most.

She was a petite woman, slender built and of a middle age with beautiful, hip-length braided strands of hair. She was soft-spoken and very empathic, noticing right away that Lexa was in distress. Even more than she had been throughout the past several weeks. She waited patiently, allowing Lexa to state her request, but the Commander remained silent.

“Heda. You just washed your hair yesterday. May I ask why it was necessary yet again?” Sophie began the conversation, addressing the elephant in the room. She knew exactly how far she could go with Lexa, after all, she had known her for over four years now, and has been serving her as her most trusted and valued handmaiden.

“I was sick.” Lexa answered the question hesitantly. “I haven’t been feeling well ever since… approximately when Wanheda arrived in Polis… I just haven’t told anybody yet.” Lexa’s voice was trembling. She almost couldn’t contain herself. She even began to play with her hands behind her back.  
“However I doubt that it has anything to do with Wanheda directly, in case you were wondering about this…”   
“Heda…” The older woman replied, very obviously noticing that Lexa was nervous. “Forgive me, I did notice. However I didn’t know if it was my place to address this. After all, I honor and respect you very much and would never dare to question your authority, especially towards your own body and mind.” She affirmed to the young Commander.  
“But in this very moment, you have every right to question. I do not know what to do. I have a suspicion, but need advice from a wise woman who has experienced what I haven’t.”  
Sophie nods at the words, and Lexa resumes.  
“I have gained weight. So much that I can no longer interlock the enclosure of my attire. Since the political situation has put an enormous strain on me… I’m afraid I have to admit having lost sight of my previous moon phases. However, I am also aware of my very unique physiology as a Natblida. This is why I kindly ask you for an evaluation and honest opinion.”  
“Heda… I may not understand much about your spiritual connection, so please forgive my rudeness. Have you consulted with the previous commanders about this matter already? Might there be a possibility for exceptions concerning the fertility of Natblida?”  
Lexa takes a deep breath before resuming to explain. “No exceptions. It should not have been possible, yet I believe to know what your answer will be.”  
“Then please allow me.” Sophie walks towards Lexa, reaching out to touch her lower abdomen. The older woman presses her palm on Lexa’s belly. She smiles and sighs at what she found. She takes Lexa’s hand with her other one, in an attempt to calm her down.  
“Lexa…” The older woman just addressed the Commander by her first name – for the first time in those four years they had known each other. Lexa’s brow furrows, yet she didn’t feel angry or offended in the slightest. On the contrary to be specific. She needed this tiny glimpse of a somewhat motherly affection in this moment. “There is absolutely no doubt about it. If the Commanders aren’t mistaken – and we know the Commanders are never mistaken, then this is a miracle. You are the first. You may be the only Natblida to carry a child.”  
“I was almost certain you would say that.” Lexa replied, forcing her eyes to restrain the tears she was about to shed.  
“Of course Heda. You are wise.” The handmaiden sighed.  
“I just had to be certain. Thank you very much. You may go now. And I kindly remind you once again of your obligation to secrecy.” Lexa dismissed her. She just wanted to be alone right now. She felt like spiraling down an abyss of darkness and no matter how strong she was, she couldn’t do anything about it. Lexa lowers her gaze and wraps her arms around herself. She was terrified and wanted to die. Her heart was raging against her throat, her breath was shaking – yet she managed to contain herself somehow.   
“Breathe… Don’t let them see you cry.” She whispers to herself, drifting off into a meditative state.  
She closes her eyes. A strange symbol she had never seen before appeared inside of her mind.  
It consisted of two hearts that are finely interlinked with one another, with no start or finish.  
The symbol remains present in front of her eyes long enough for her to entirely memorize how it exactly looks. Then it suddenly disappears, switching to a vision. She hears the voices of the previous Commanders - and they weren’t friendly this time.  
“Weak. Weakness. She will die. We have not chosen her. You were never meant to be Heda. The spirit of the Commander does not belong within you. Lexa - descend!”   
She is terrified - the voices of the previous Commanders react to her state of mind and emotion. When she’s strong, they can be affirming, positive and uplifting. Yet if she feels weak, doubtful or scared - they can be very awful and destructive.   
“Don’t let them see you cry!” Lexa reminded herself once again.

She found herself outside the darkness and inside her room. Lexa knew it was still an image projected by the Spirit of the Commanders, or the flame as it’s commonly referred to. A projection that felt so unusually real and intense. More than she was used to, since the vision even caused her physical pain. She feels it arise and intensify more and more, especially in her lower back and abdominal region. She became terrified about what the previous Commanders were doing to her.

She can't stand upright anymore and has trouble breathing. Blood is running down the insides of her thighs and suddenly she holds a newborn baby in the palms of her hands. The infant is covered with blood – Nightblood. Her... blood.  
Lexa looks at the infant. She seems healthy and lively. She opens her eyes and looks at her, fussing and wiggling, Lexa almost thought she would drop her. In the back of her head, she can hear the sounds of war, getting closer and closer to herself and her newborn child. She feels so helpless, so vulnerable and there is nothing she could do to protect herself and the baby. Not like this, not with this heavy, bleeding wound between her legs. She knows it’s normal for infants to cry but she fears that the sound of her screams will alert the enemy. She tries to calm her, but whatever she did, the infant would just cry louder and louder.  
The umbilical cord is still attached and pulsating. She reaches for it, traces it back and finds that it originated between her legs....  
Lexa can’t do anything but watch helplessly, when a dagger with the royal insignia of Azgeda slices through the cord, severing the connection between herself and the infant. Lexa looks up and sees the face of Queen Nia.  
“You served the crown well, Lexa.”   
Nia rips the newborn out of Lexa’s hands, and Lexa herself was too weak to take her back or cling onto her.   
“Now die already.”   
Nia’s final words before plunging her dagger, which she just severed the umbilical cord with into Lexa’s heart.  
The vision abruptly ended. Lexa opened her eyes and found herself in her bedroom. She quickly inspected herself . No blood – no child. She looked between her legs and found herself wearing pants. Dry and clean. Lexa places her hand onto her stomach and feels her child is still within her.  
Why did Becca and the others find it necessary to give her such an intense and traumatizing warning?   
The answer to Lexa was as simple as it was terrifying. Lexa must ensure no matter the consequences, that this child will never fall into the hands of Queen Nia. It must be absolute. Therefore Lexa has no choice. This child was never supposed to exist in the first place. Now it’s her duty to ensure she will never be born.  
“No…” Lexa shook her head in disbelief as tears began to run down her cheeks. This wasn’t the child’s fault and it wasn't supposed to suffer the consequences of her stupidity and recklessness.   
“I’m sorry… I never planned any of this to happen. Forgive me…” She whispered with one hand resting on her belly.  
Her breathing was getting out of control at the realization. This was all just so wrong. Why was she the only Nightblood capable of procreation? Why her, who will never have the chance of being a mother to this child, let alone the extremely dangerous situation she was going to be born into? She was the Commander. Why was fate so cruel and irrational?  
She closes her eyes in an attempt to calm herself. She knows this is a problem that must be dealt with before anybody could find out. On top of all her burdens, this was yet another heavy decision she had to make. And is something she does not have the time to focus on right now, and still it has almost her entire attention. She needs to solve this quickly, but she needs Clarke to help her, at least with one small request.   
She successfully managed to calm herself down and seek out the Skaikru ambassador.   
“Klark... I apologize but i need to ask you for a favor.” Lexa nervously approached the blonde when spotting her behind the corner at the end of the corridor.

“What is it this time, Lexa?” Clarke snarled, her eyes almost rolling backwards. She glanced at Lexa, quickly learning that she was dressed appropriately for the occasion. Clarke did notice that she was wearing a different coat than her usual one, and also that her harness had been missing. However she didn’t address it, since she had to give Lexa credit for deciding to be considerate enough with her choice of clothing, for Clarke to keep a clear state of mind.  
“Your mother will be part of the Skaikru delegation arriving today, is this correct?” She asked.   
“Yes, why?” Clarke replied, curious as to why Lexa would care.   
“Because I need to speak with her in private. My reasons are none of your concern, however I felt it was appropriate to inform you about it.” Lexa quickly shrugged it off.  
“Alright….” Clarke agrees. Lexa closes her eyes and gives her a shallow, almost unnoticeable smile before walking away - she appeared sad and it almost felt like she was seeking help somehow? Clarke didn’t really know what to make out of this.   
As she was standing there, thoughts were spinning inside of her head and she came to the conclusion that something very bad must be going on with Lexa, that much she was certain of. She seems to have a plan and needs a person who possesses access to highly advanced medical technology, nothing else would make sense. But why? What for? She went through several different possibilities, and eventually remembered the incident shortly after the dropship landed on the ground – when she and the other delinquents started developing hemorrhagic fever, which was caused by a virus that the Grounders sent, while they themselves were immune to it. Could it be that -  
“No please don’t tell me Lexa and my mom are planning to create a biological weapon…” Clarke speaks to herself inside of her head, almost getting hysterical about the thought. It’s Azgeda of course, and they need justice. 

It would just all fit together perfectly, like a jigsaw puzzle. As a Nightblood, Lexa is immune to every disease, with the exception of poison or injury - and therefore would be the perfect incubator for cultivating the vaccine against a deadly virus, which then could be utilized against those who weren’t immune.  
Clarke knew what she had to do. She needed to prevent her mother from making the same mistake as she did, exterminating an entire clan, committing genocide. She didn’t just want to blow the summit - since that would literally sentence Lexa to death.   
Still, she somehow had to stop her as soon as she possibly could.   
Clarke knew as soon as the Skaikru delegation arrived, she needed to make contact with Raven. She possesses the necessary devices and knowledge to intercept any communication between Abby and Lexa. Raven is also very close to Abby and could possibly find something out.   
“Please don’t make any reckless decisions, Lexa…” Clarke ran after the Commander, grabbing her hand and pulling her back in a helpless attempt, not even really knowing why she was exactly doing this in the first place.  
“Don’t kill unless there is no alternative solution.” Those words just sprawled out of her mouth. She literally just spoke before thinking and doesn’t know if this was a clever move she just made. Crap! She thought to herself, biting her lower lip nervously.  
“Klark… There are choices we have to make with our head and not our heart. I thought you would understand this. Don’t let emotions get into your way of making clear judgement or to impair another person’s mindful judgement. In other words – there are things that just don’t concern you, Klark.” Lexa seemed angry and pulled her hand away.  
“Commander… I apologize for overstepping.” Clarke tried to even out the situation somehow.   
“You are dismissed.” Lexa walks away with those last words.

“LEXA!” Clarke called out one last time.

“You are dismissed, Klark. Don’t make me call the guards.” Lexa spoke angrily, before ultimately heading for her destination.

Clarke is almost combusted at Lexa’s audacity, yet she reminds herself that this is Polis and she was just a guest here. Besides, nobody would probably get away with ordering Lexa around like Clarke herself is used to doing by now.  
It was almost 5pm when the Skaikru delegation arrived. There was no big welcoming ceremony, since everybody was already very tired. Clarke had a quick reunion with her mother, but of course there wasn't enough time to talk about everything that has been going on in the last few weeks since she has been here in Polis. She still wasn’t sure whether or not she should warn her mother and address the Lexa issue, but she decided it was better to just observe her, not giving away her concern about the issue and playing oblivious. In a quick moment of carelessness however, she lost sight of Abby and couldn’t find her anywhere after that.   
She decided to look for Raven instead, who she had been informed by her mother was here. Clarke desperately tried to locate the mechanic, but it was the annual weekly market in Polis and the town was a mess. Clarke figured Raven is probably getting drunk somewhere, or is otherwise having fun. “I get it people, it’s a lot more important than saying hello, but alright…” Clarke grunted at the realization.  
After walking and searching around the market for about an hour, skimming every tavern around the Polis tower to no avail, Clarke eventually ran into a familiar face.  
“Hey Bellamy, good to see you again!” The old friends hugged each other, but Clarke didn’t really have the time to sit down and have a beverage or two.  
“Are you looking for your mom or your Commander?” He asked snarkily.  
“Thanks for asking, but I’m actually looking for Raven.” Clarke replied. “Any chance you might have seen her?”  
“Nope, not in the last few hours. She was actually betting with O whether or not Lexa and you have hate fucked already, when we received the jolly message you were stuck here.”  
“That’s none of you guy’s business but I will let you know anyway. No, we haven’t. Besides it’s not exactly a funny reason as to why I would need Raven’s assistance.” Clarke snarled.  
“We’re on the brink of war Clarke, nothing about this is funny, but we gotta still keep joking and fooling around, because it won’t change a thing if we’re just sitting here crying.” Bellamy clarified, and technically he’s right, still Clarke was starting to lose patience. She began to lose faith in her so-called-people, since this is apparently the only thing they cared about, after seeing her for the first time in three months.  
“Bellamy, my mom and Lexa are up to something and I need to figure out what it is. This is why I need Raven’s help.” Clarke didn’t see any other possibility in this situation, she had to become a little more determined, not considering that she may regret drawing his attention to the matter.  
“Then you better go by the chapel over there, since that is the area where I last saw the two of them together.” Bellamy pointed at the Flamekeepers chapel, which was located slightly around the corner of the tower, leading to a small passage to an abandoned, mostly vacated area of the city.  
“Who? Lexa and my mom? Together?” Clarke’s eyes widened and she was impressed about how easily Lexa was able to make contact with Abby. She really must be determined about fulfilling this plan of hers.  
“Thanks for being so alert, Bell. Talk to you later.” Clarke waves him off and vanishes.  
As she arrives at the chapel, Of course Lexa and Abby, if they were here, are long gone. Clarke still looks around and finds a small, wrapped scrap of paper on the floor. She picks it up, unfolds it and recognizes it as the paper from her sketchbook.  
There are coordinates written on it - in what appeared to be Lexa’s handwriting. Clarke knew that the Grounders worked a lot with coordinates, that much she learned during her time outside in the wilderness.   
She did a quick calculation and figured that the coordinations written on the paper were approximately marking the location of the Flamekeeper’s chapel. Titus was not around at this hour, this is why Lexa assumed it safe. It’s obvious she had torn out a corner from one of Clarke’s sketchbook papers, wrote the coordinates on it - and somehow handed it to Abby.  
Clarke got angry once again, and she hated that her mother and the Commander were obviously conspiring and it was once again up to her to stop it at the last moment.   
She just wished she could have found out about their meeting a few moments earlier, when Abby actually lost the piece of paper Lexa had passed to her with the handshake at her arrival, as she approached the coordinates written on it  
“I appreciate you honoring me with your presence, Abby kom Skaikru.” Lexa expressed her gratitude. “Please follow me.” She instructed immediately, not wanting to be spotted by anybody. She walks ahead through what seems to be a narrow corridor of an ancient shopping mall. Lexa turns around occasionally, making sure that nobody besides Abby follows her. She enters an abandoned house, Abby following her at short distance The sun has already set and it is dark. Lexa stops Abby and pulls out something from her coat. She strikes a match and lights a candle.  
“Beware of the stairs.” she warned. Lexa seems to know every house in Polis personally   
She walks down a few steps into what seems to once have been a cellar apartment. Lexa opened the door. It wasn’t locked – and illuminated the room with her candle. It was tiny, but still had furniture. A couch and a small table, as well as some small chairs.   
“The Natblida’s secret hideout… It’s been a long time since I was last here. Sometimes Aden and the others come here now. Of course Titus doesn’t know.” She gave a quick explanation.  
“Does Clarke know about this place?” Abby asked.  
“There was neither an opportunity, nor any reason to visit this place with Klark.” Lexa replied.  
“I still haven’t figured out why you would bring me here, Lexa…” Abby had an uneasy feeling as she couldn’t explain to herself what Lexa would possibly want with her here. She even regretted going with her, since she didn’t exactly trust the young Commander.   
Lexa takes a seat on the couch, Abby did as well a few moments after. It was dusty and rather uncomfortable, but it had to do and it was better than discussing it while standing.   
“Abby kom Skaikru. I sincerely apologize for the inconveniences and want to emphasize my gratitude for honoring my request to speak with you.”  
Abby was enormously impressed by the way Lexa could articulate herself.  
“It's alright Lexa, just allow me to ask… what’s the nature of your request … if you don't mind.” Abby herself was struggling to produce an appropriate response.  
Lexa took a deep breath, bit her lower lip like she always does, rehearsed what she was about to say quickly in the back of her head and eventually began.  
“You are a doctor who possesses highly advanced skill and equipment, is this correct?” She asked, trying desperately to maintain her composure.  
“I guess this is how one could phrase it, yes.” Abby replied.  
“Klark told me about a policy on the ark that allowed people of Skaikru to only have one child.” Lexa paused for a moment, took another deep breath and continued. “Is this accurate?”  
“Yes it is. But listen Lexa, this is something that was implemented as a desperate measure because there was a shortage of food, water and even oxygen. I think it would neither be necessary, nor justified to introduce such a law on the ground.” Abby got carried away explaining.   
Lexa lifted her hand, turning her palm towards Abby’s direction, wordlessly asking her not to speak anymore, an interruption of some sorts.  
“Oh excuse me Lexa, I didn’t mean to… talk you over like that.” Abby apologized and let herself be interrupted.  
“It’s alright Abby, my request was a personal one and had nothing to do with the general population.” Lexa clarified and corrected Abby’s assumption, and Abby paid close attention.  
“How much experience do you have... with terminating an unborn child?” Lexa's voice almost crumbled as she nearly cried out that last sentence.   
There was just one teardrop she could not hold back. It fell onto the dusty and sandy floor of the room. Lexa stepped on it in an embarrassed attempt to cover it, but Abby already noticed.  
The older woman breathes. She feels really sorry for Lexa and can already imagine where this conversation is going. It seems to make sense now why the Commander wanted to speak with her so urgently. Such a young girl, barely grown and with so many responsibilities, carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. Of course Lexa made a lot of mistakes. She was somehow a cruel and unpredictable person, but she was just a child nevertheless - and this child needed help. Her help. And she seems to need it as urgently as possible.  
Attempting to be as respectful and considerate as possible, Abby began to explain.  
”Actually... A lot of experience. Way too many unborn children were terminated by my hands. I did what I had to do, but there was no other way. As hard as it sounds, but I did it out of compassion. Every single time. If the mothers wouldn't have undergone the procedure they would have been floated. So this was all I could do for these women... unfortunately. But it's not something I like remembering, you know.” Lexa listens as Abby explains and she feels relieved that she is not alone.  
“How long will a woman be bedridden after the procedure?” Lexa asked, her face now fully flooded with tears, her voice trembling.  
“Not at all. It’s done under general anesthesia, and one should rest for 24 hours, in other words a day and a night. Then it will just be, you know… like regular monthly bleeding for a week. No strict limitations, but I would probably not go to war within the first ten days either.”  
“When do you think you could perform the procedure on me?” She whispered, almost inaudibly but Abby understood every word.  
She looked into Lexa's sad and teary eyes. “Oh, I kind of expected that this is where this conversation was going.” Abby walked over to Lexa, brushing over her cheek with the back of her hand. Lexa swallowed heavily before breaking down crying.  
“Shh… It’s alright…Those things can happen.” Abby pulled Lexa’s head to her chest, stroking her hair gently. She felt a little awkward and out of place but she also didn’t just want her to stand there crying alone. Lexa was a mess and had obviously been keeping this secret burden for way too long now.   
“Does Clarke know?” Abby asked, but felt Lexa shake her head immediately.  
“Not a word to Klark…” Lexa whispered, her voice crackling inside her throat.  
“I understand. I swear that I won’t say anything to Clarke. And if necessary, we can travel back to Arcadia right now. It will be tough, very little sleep, but we could organize everything in less than a day. Nobody would even know you were gone. You could rest before the summit and resume duty afterwards without raising any suspicion.  
“I’m usually alone in my quarters before meetings and negotiations. Usually everybody, including the Flamekeeper, accepts that I’m not to be disturbed.” Lexa explained.  
“You wouldn’t have much time to prepare for the summit.” Abby noticed worriedly.  
“I’ve been preparing myself ever since Klark arrived. I think I got it covered. Besides, we still have five more days.” Lexa clarified.  
“How far along do you think you are?” Abby asked.  
“I don’t know. At best three months. I have lost sight of my moon phases. However, it did not seem very relevant. We, the Natblida, are unable to conceive or bear children. It never happened before so this is a very unusual exception.”  
“I mean… Lexa it’s none of my concern but… How does one go from love to weakness to accidentally pregnant?” Abby questions Lexa, still holding her close for comfort.  
“Do not discuss it any further.” Lexa replied without hesitation, breaking away from Abby.  
“Right, excuse my rudeness, it wasn’t my place.” Abby blushed slightly, a little bit ashamed of her nosiness.  
“We will meet in an hour from now.” Lexa quickly pulled herself together before grabbing her candle and stepping out of the door. 

“Meet me at the same coordinates. Please keep your distance when following me. Nobody should see us together. Here, have my candle.” She added, when handing it over to Abby.  
Lexa almost flew out of the door, leaving Abby behind when she disappeared into the darkness.   
Abby, who was left at the hideout, grew a little cranky at Lexa for just leaving her there, but she understands her motives. They shouldn’t be seen together as this was a secret plan.

Lexa didn’t trust anybody, not even Titus. So she was having a little bit of a bad feeling, leaving Polis, the Nightbloods and especially Clarke behind during such a hard and complicated time. She knew however that there was no alternative. As promised, she’s heading toward the previous coordinates. The streets of Polis had become empty and Lexa had dressed herself in civilian clothing, no gear or attire. She just took a sword for protection and a few candles.  
She was already late, but still couldn’t allow herself to be any less careful than she usually would be. She looked around herself, trying not to be noticed by anybody.   
Abby was already waiting. She was able to locate her assistant Eric Jackson via radio, but didn’t explain the situation to him in detail, just that they would have to bring a young female Trikru to Arcadia for an immediate elective routine surgery. He waited in the rover outside the town wall.  
“I’m sorry. I was delayed.” Lexa explained herself, seemingly out of breath.  
“I could have figured that out.” Abby said. “And it wasn’t exactly polite to just leave me there, alone in the dark. Now let’s get going, Jackson is waiting with the car.”  
“You told me we would travel to Arcadia alone!” Lexa was exasperated and looked at Abby in disbelief, eyes wide open.  
“He is my assistant. He is a doctor just like myself which means he’s sworn to secrecy as well. Now please Lexa, let’s get going, before he aborts the mission and goes to sleep instead. I can’t exactly get a radio signal here in Polis.”  
Meanwhile, Clarke finally ran into Raven. Like usual, she would be one of the few people to leave a party last. Clarke’s heart felt at ease, yet she was also a little angry about herself for not finding her earlier.  
“Hey Griffin, long time no see!” She happily greeted her old friend.  
“Well, if you would have come to see me instead of the bloodwine, we could have celebrated our reunion a little earlier.” Clarke replied rather grumpy.  
“Woah, Griffin is pissed. Maybe you should try some of the illegal Royal Ale from Azgeda. It’s gonna make you super relaxed and…”  
“Raven please, tell me you’re not too drunk to help me.” Clarke nervously replied.  
The young mechanic suddenly became serious, since she realized that something must have been bothering Clarke a lot. “What is it this time? Trouble in paradise?” Raven smirked.  
“I wish it was just that, but I truly believe we need to prevent a disaster.” Clarke answered.  
“What disaster? The nuclear power plants are in a cold shutdown. They ain’t gonna explode, that’s just rumors.” Raven made sure did her research, and if there was something she was good at, it’s science.  
“I’m not talking about a nuclear disaster. Raven, I believe Lexa wants to develop a biological weapon, together with my mom.”  
“Wait Princess… I knew Racoon was mad, but do you really think she’s that level of batshit? Developing a biological weapon before the summit or any other negotiations with the Ice Nation? And where did you get the idea from? Did she tell you that’s what she had in mind or…?”  
Raven stares in disbelief, almost incapable of comprehending what Clarke just told her.  
“She didn’t directly say it, but… She asked me if she could speak to my mother. In private. When I asked her what it was about, she refused to answer. Instead she got angry and told me it was none of my business. Bellamy spotted both of them today, at sunset. Together.” Clarke explained to her friend.  
“Shit. Not good.” Raven replied. “Abby sometimes strays from standard protocol for the greater good, but I guess you know that, she’s your mom after all. Yeah Clarke, you’re right, we need to do something about it. I’m gonna look for Abby, you go grab your Commander. And stay on the radio.”  
Clarke walked away, Raven still emptying her cup before getting prepared to look for Abby, when suddenly a very familiar male voice surprised her with a greeting. “Hey Raven! Still out at this hour?”  
“Bellamy! Um, I actually wanted to get ready for bed now… just for the record, did you overhear anything that Princess and I were talking about?” Raven asked.  
“You were talking with Princess? I didn’t even see her.” Bellamy smirked, but he was lying through his teeth, In fact the former Ark guard trainee overheard every single word of the two women’s conversation….  
Clarke walks into the tower, making her way through the hallways and heading for the Commander’s quarters. She felt devastated yet not surprised when Lexa was nowhere to be found. She quickly looked through her belongings and quickly came to the conclusion that Lexa left on her own account and her absence had not been planned for longer than two or three days. Only her very essential and most important belongings were missing. Clarke had to be careful not to make any unnecessary noise, since Titus was usually a very light sleeper and would wake up at the faintest of sounds.  
At that very moment she received a radio signal from her friend Raven. She quickly picks it up and hopes Raven was able to find the location of her mother. When instead her words were;

“Griffin… Bad news. Can no longer signal Abby. Her radio is out of range.”  
“Then we have no choice. We have to steal the second Rover. I believe they are headed for Arcadia…” Clarke answered. When letting go of the radio’s button, she sighed deeply. Somehow she almost wanted to cry, but she maintained her composure. She felt a sense of defeat and helplessness, once again. The two people in this world she loved the most were probably on the verge of doing something terrible and she felt as if she was the only person who could stop them. “Why are you making me do this…” She asked herself over and over again. She was so tired of the war, of the stress and of desperately trying to keep everything together.  
Little did she know about Lexa’s true intention – but honestly, this would probably not make her act any different.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning - please read with caution if the topics mentioned below upset you!  
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> \- Abortion  
> \- Mentions of heavy child abuse

After driving all night and day  in  the Rover with Jackson, Abby and Lexa eventually arrived at the fallen ark. They were tired and exhausted, but it was important to stay focused, get this over with and pretend that nothing happened. Lexa had been a little car sick, since this was the first time she ever had been inside one. Especially since this trip from Polis to Arcadia was particularly long and leading through partially rough territory.

“You done throwing up?” Jackson asked. “If I didn’t have to drive, I’d hold your hair.”

“No sorry, still have to…” Lexa replied before putting her head back into the trash bag again.

“The fence is unguarded, let’s just sneak in  through  there.” Abby noticed and suggested they should walk the last few meters, as not to  attract unnecessary attention. Lexa also began to feel better immediately after her feet  touched the ground again. There were no difficulties getting through the gate and into Arcadia territory. This was the first time Lexa had seen this place and she wished that this could have happened under more fortunate circumstances. She followed Abby and Jackson to the treatment room, otherwise known as the Arcadia clinic, hiding her face uncomfortably underneath the hood of her wide woolen jacket.

“Over there” Abby pointed as she noticed Lexa observing the surrounding area carefully. “There it is” She took out the keys and unlocked the door to the small clinic.

Lexa hesitantly stepped in, a few  steps behind Abby and Jackson. She had such an uneasy and chilling feeling when walking through the door as she carefully  observed every corner of the room with her eyes. She exhales, and her breath ing was rather  rapid because she was so nervous, when seeing all those foreign objects on display.

“Hey, Lexa… please calm yourself. There’s nothing you need to be afraid of. The procedures I perform are very safe.” Abby protectively placed a hand on Lexa’s shoulder.

The young brunette nodded before softly whispering “ I know.”

“Now please take off your coat and lay down on this bed. I need to do an ultrasound first.”

Lexa nodded and made herself comfortable on the treatment bed.

“This won’t hurt and don’t worry, it doesn’t use radiation either. It’s just going to be a little cold.” Abby clarified when placing the device on Lexa’s abdomen. It didn’t take her very long to find the fetus. From what she could make out it was a healthy, 12-13 weeker, singleton with a strong and regular heartbeat. Lexa took a brief look at the monitor, immediately turning away with tears in her eyes and she wishes that she would be able to forget what she just saw. “I’m sorry…” She whispers inside of her mind. “Forgive me… May we meet again… my child…”

“12-13 weeks.” Abby took the device off, as she didn’t need to see any more. “Should be able to perform a full extraction, without inducing labor.” Lexa just nodded and Abby noticed the tear streaks on her face. Her heart was aching when she was once again reminded how the young Commander must feel right now.

“Lexa… are you sure you want to go through with this?” For the first time Abby addressed the obvious fear and sadness Lexa expressed.

I have no choice, Abby. If I had, we would not be here.” Lexa answered.

Listen, this doesn’t have anything to do with me not wanting to help you. It’s just that I can see the pain in your eyes and you so obviously care about this child and don’t actually desire  to have an abortion. This is going to break you and I as a doctor have sworn to exterminate suffering, not intentionally cause it.”

“Abby…” Lexa began her response. “The amount of suffering this child would have to endure if it were to be born… is worse than death. You said it yourself. You did it out of compassion. So be compassionate enough to not let my child fall into the hands of Nia.”

Abby sighed. The tiredness in her eyes was overwhelming and she fought hard to stay awake. She placed both palms of her hands on her face and rubbed her eyes.

“So… I  will  just get myself some coffee and then we  will  begin.”  Abby  said before leaving quickly and returning a few moments later.

She had previously instructed Lexa to  remove her pants and lay down on the bed. It was an eerie feeling. The bed was cold and uncomfortable and it was really unpleasant to watch Abby and Jackson preparing everything. Lexa swallowed heavily.

Abby turned towards Lexa, telling her that she would be ready and asking if she would like to bid farewell to her child. Lexa declined. She didn’t want to express even more weakness than she already did. Abby searched Lexa’s arm for a vein. She found it and successfully hit it with the needle at the first try. Drawing black blood, she hooked the needle  up  to the iv-bag with the anesthesia. Lexa almost immediately drifted off and was deeply asleep very soon. Jackson placed the electrode for the heart monitor on her chest, which picked up a clear, regular heartbeat and respiratory pattern. Everything seemed to  be going  well  so far .

Abby felt the need to recite the traveler’s blessing. It’s what she always used to do whenever she had to terminate a pregnancy on the ark. Even if the mothers themselves couldn’t or didn’t want to. She takes the hand of her assistant and places the other one on Lexa’s belly, before  checking that  the young woman was deeply asleep. This moment reminded her yet again how much she hated performing this particular procedure. Abby took a deep breath and began to speak.

_ In peace may you leave the shore. _

_ In love may you find the next. _

_ Safe passage on your travels _

_ Until our final journey to the ground _

_ May we meet again. _

A moment of silence and then she pull ed herself together to begin the preparations. 

“I need you to hold her legs, so I can have a clear view and access. We don’t really have the necessary  equipment  for this.  I  guess people have been otherwise occupied way too much instead of helping me rebuild our hospital… or what’s left of it…”

Abby had difficulties inserting the required medical tools into Lexa. This was a routine procedure, so it was almost impossible for a skilled medical professional like herself to screw things up, but her tiredness in combination with the extremely inferior equipment and furniture didn’t exactly help. She finally got everything where she wanted it and was ready to insert the first dilator into Lexa’s cervix, as suddenly an arrow  flew across the room. It didn’t hit anybody – but destroyed a large jar that was standing against the wall, on the table with the medical equipment. Abby, who was focused on the procedure she was just about to perform, needed a few moments to realize what was happening when another arrow flew through the  metal  wall – this time hitting Jackson’s shoulder.

“Aw fuck…” He bit his lower lip, trying not to cry out. “Are you through yet?” He asked, concerned that the procedure may be interrupted due to an emergency.

“Well, luckily not yet. We have to call this off for now.” It was as if Abby shared his thoughts in this moment and quickly removed all medical tools from Lexa’s body. “I’m not gonna take an arrow through any of my vital organs during a half-done abortion. Lexa doesn’t deserve this.” She cursed. “Sit down I just need to  take  her off the anesthesia drip. Then I’ll take care of your arm.” Jackson sat down on the floor, hiding in the corner - obviously in pain and distress. After all, nobody knew if these arrows were poisoned or not.

At this point now it was obvious that people were shouting outside the gates of Arcadia. Abby and Jackson were so focused on preparing for the surgery, on top of their tiredness. They simply didn’t notice the voices outside as a threat, it didn’t even occur to them in their clouded state of mind.

Abby quickly removes Lexa’s IV drip and heart monitor electrode before searching  for  her radio.

She tries  radioing other Arcadia inhabitants.

“Wells! What the hell is going on out there?” She pushes the button and shouts into the microphone.

To her relief, she immediately received an answer.

“Hey Abby! I thought you were in Polis?” Said the voice on the other side.

“Long story, no time for that. Now please answer my question. What the hell is going on outside?” Abby asked impatiently, not knowing if or when another arrow would fly through the roof.

“I have no idea, but there’s a hoard of angry Grounders in Panda style face paint outside the gates. Looks like we’re gonna return fire if they won’t stop  shooting arrows at us.” Wells replied. 

“Panda-style warpaint… Sounds like Azgeda. Seems they are unpredictable..” Abby mumbled to herself. She checks on her assistant, who  had already  stood up and by now probably figured that the arrow was not poisoned. “Are you alright? Can you walk?” Abby asked.

“Yeah, getting better.” Jackson quickly replied.

“Wells?” Abby spoke into her radio again.

“Yes?” Wells replied.

“I have a heavily sedated Grounder girl over here in the clinic. Since we’re under attack it’s not safe for her here anymore. Could someone come pick her up and carry to the basement?” The doctor requested.

“Hold on I’ll  come .” The moment Wells hung up the microphone, he started running down the former Ark’s building complex. The treatment room was connected to the other parts of the main building, so he didn’t have to go outside and  show himself to the angry Azgeda warriors.

Abby had just removed the arrow and bandaged the arm of her assistant with a gauze strap, before sending him through the backdoor where he could hide inside an apartment complex.

Lexa opened her eyes for the first time and she slowly began to regain consciousness. More asleep than awake, she softly began to whisper words that couldn’t yet be made out.

“Shhh… Everything is alright, you’re safe.” Abby tried to calm her down but she knew it was probably not going to be effective – since she herself was nervous and worried. 

Lexa dozed off again as soon as she felt the palm of Abby’s hand gently stroking over her hair.

It wasn’t long until Wells finally arrived. He kicked the door open, quickly greeted Abby and picked Lexa up without even looking at her properly. Everybody in the treatment room was under a lot of pressure after all. He didn’t have any problems picking up the slender young woman, carrying her out the room, along the corridors and down into the basement. Abby had previously wrapped Lexa in a blanket, since it wasn’t really easy to put pants on her while she was still asleep.

The young Arker was happy when finally reaching his destination - the third room of the first corridor. Even if Lexa wasn’t particularly heavy, he was more than happy when he could finally open the door and drop her right in the middle of the couch that was standing there. 

“Now I guess we have to wait…” He said to himself. “Until you wake up.” Not entirely sure if sedated people had the ability to understand.

The room was nicely furnished but not too pompous. A couch, two chairs and a small table. In the corner was - a surprisingly well-working coffee machine. Wells asked himself if Grounders drink coffee. 

To make the wait a little less boring, he decided to grab himself a portion of the hot black potion. He took one of the aluminum mugs standing right next to the machine and placed it underneath before pushing the button. He was yet once again amazed how the coffee machine out of all things survived the ark’s landing on the earth. Of course Raven still needed to fix it, but it was still able to produce strong and delicious coffee at any time during the day - and night for that matter.

Lexa was startled by the buzzing, when the machine started brewing. For her it was just a loud and unfamiliar sound that she interpreted as potentially threatening. She screamed in panic, jolted and tried to move, but was restrained by the blanket and the heavy hangover of the anesthesia.

She lifted her head and tried to get up, but realized that she had no control over her body yet. She looked at her hands, noticing her vision being extremely blurry.

“No, NO! Easy! Easy'' she heard the unknown male’s voice from the other corner of the room and nervously reached for something, anything that was possibly laying around her, which she could utilize to fight. Fighting, defending herself - that was her only thought in her clouded, blurry mind.

Her hand eventually reached a piece of fabric that felt somehow familiar. She realized it must be her coat when her fingertips recognize the fabric and patterns, weight and texture of it. Clumsily and still half asleep she reached inside  the pocket, feeling a small yet compact cylindrical object. Lexa pulls it out and holds it in front of herself in an attempt to fight off a possible attacker.

Wells was just standing there, staring at the helpless young woman and not really having the faintest idea what to do or how to approach her. The young woman, still unknown to him had a blank stare, large eyes with enormously dilated pupils - frightened to death, he figured out for himself. It was obvious she had never been under general anesthesia before and had no idea what’s going on. Of course, even for someone who had the experience before it was always difficult to regain consciousness. 

Wells points at Lexa’s hands and the object she was holding. 

“Erm… That’s… A candle...”

Lexa tried to form words, but it still wasn’t easy with a heavy anesthesia-hangover.

“Yes. Don’t… Don’t come closer! I have a candle and I’m not afraid to use it!” She eventually managed to get out of her throat.

“Oh… Well yes I know! Of course you do. But listen, I’m a friend. I mean no harm. So please… do not throw the candle. It might break.” Wells was baffled and clueless, yet he had to say something, speak calmly to her so she wouldn’t attack him and hurt herself in the process. He didn’t know what she was exactly capable of, but she was obviously too intoxicated to cause any serious damage. 

“It may break?” Lexa leans back against the wall, her eyes wide and watery. “The candle may break when I throw it.” She sighed.

“Yes…” Wells nods and stares right back into her eyes.

“I don’t want that to happen…” Lexa replied.

“Yes… I know that. So please put it down… and do not throw it, OK?” Wells nods at Lexa who just suddenly drops on the couch once more, asleep. Her hand still has a firm grip around the candle.

Wells, who was still a little confused and scared at the same time about what had just happened, steps a little closer towards the couch with the sleeping Lexa on it. 

He tried to be as quiet as somehow possible before bending over the couch a little bit. Somehow he didn’t exactly believe Lexa was sleeping and would jump at his throat any moment. He observed that she  had a regular and slow but steady breathing pattern, indicating that she really wasn’t conscious. He then hesitantly poked her forehead and sighed when she didn’t even flinch in response “Seems she won’t throw that candle at my head after all” he sighed.

***

“Just one more stitch and you’re done” Abby just finished sewing Jackson’s arrow wound.

“You’re lucky it didn’t hit the bone or a blood vessel.” The young man suffered silently and dignified, which is something very unusual for his kind, but was of course a result of the Ark’s very well sophisticated local anesthesia drugs.

She  heard the sound of marching boots  i n the hallway and was about to despair at the realization of what that meant - someone wanted something from her. This is one of the moments when she hated being a doctor, because it sometimes just means unlimited extra hours of work need to be done. She heard the crying and yelling of a very familiar voice alongside, but dismissed it as her mind playing tricks on her. She couldn’t have possibly heard Clarke - she was in Polis after all. 

“Doctor Griffin, prepare yourself for two new patients!” Two fence guards were shouting as the door came open. They were carrying two young females into Abby’s treatment room. Their bodies were soaked in mud to an extent where their features could hardly be bade out anymore.

Abby almost bursted out in anger when realizing the mud was literally contaminating  every thing. 

“Are you insane?! This is a medical room! It’s supposed to be clean in here!” Abby growled in exasperation at the sight.

The leading guard disregarded what Abby just said, his team had the obligation to fulfill his duty after all.

“Doctor Griffin, we found these two outside, in the middle of the Grounder Army and it seems they were taken hostage. Since we threatened to return fire, the troops of Grounders are retreating.” The guard clarified. “Safety is restored to the gates of Arcadia for now and I have another team assigned additionally. We keep looking for wounded citizens, but the situation is under control for now.” He said before marching off with his team. 

“Mom where is Lexa?” One of the two muddy creatures asked. That’s when an overly tired Abby realized that her new and very dirty patients were as a matter of fact, Clarke and Raven.

“Clarke? Raven?” She gasped in exasperation. “What are you doing here and why were you following me? How did you even know I returned to…?” Abby started but was interrupted by Clarke.

“Mom we know what Lexa and you are planning and I need you to stop. Please don’t do this. Please don’t commit Genocide.” Clarke struggled to catch her breath when forming words, but she just couldn’t waste any more time. Raven was just standing there. She noticed Abby eyeing her as if she wanted to ask her what’s the meaning of this and why did she participate in this madness.    
  
“I can’t really say anything…” Raven explained.

“Genocide? What are you talking about?” Abby’s gaze now went to her daughter. 

“We know about the weapon.” Raven mumbled when Clarke tried to catch her breath and wasn’t really capable of speaking.

“Which weapon are you referring to?” Abby was exasperated, literally horrified but at the same time clueless about what the girls were referring to. 

“Mom… I’m not an idiot.” Clarke finally caught her breath and she began to explain. 

“Lexa  has  acted strange the past few days. She demanded to see you… And wouldn’t tell me why. Instead she got angry when I asked her. I figured she was up to something terrible. Something she needed your help with.” Clarke explained and Abby sighed, looking away in shame.

“Mom, Lexa needed you because you possess the ark’s medical technology. What would she need it for, if it wasn’t for the development of an organic weapon? As a Nightblood she’s the perfect  candidate  to cultivate a vaccine with, for pretty much every plague known to humankind.” Clarke’s heart began to beat faster. The anger within herself grew as she explained what she believed to be Abby and Lexa’s plan. 

“It’s an easy equation mom, and I can see right through it!” Clarke shouted angrily at her mother. 

Abby looked away and sighed. Raven felt out of place and didn’t exactly know what to do or where to go. 

“Lexa wanted to exterminate Azgeda, even before they had a chance to negotiate. Don’t you think that`s…”

“Clarke, stop.” Abby interrupted, finally finding the courage to respond. 

“I’m sorry but you got  it  wrong and made a lot of noise for absolutely nothing.” The doctor explained further.

Clarke just stared back at her.

“You brought the Ice nation to our gate, because you couldn’t keep your nose out of Lexa’s privacy. Maybe it’s too late for any negotiations now, and in less than three days, Lexa will have to deal with the angry Azgeda mob, on top of everything she’s going through right now. Well done Clarke. As if we didn’t have enough problems because of you already.” Abby lectured her daughter, angrily. 

“Mom…” Clarke’s eyes started to water and she felt like a complete and utter fool. She wasn’t yet sure whether or not she could believe Abby, but something about her was genuine. 

What if she was indeed mistaken about the biochemical weapon? It became more and more obvious that this really was the case.

Still, it wasn’t enough that her mother and Lexa ha d a secret together and completely exclude d her from it, now she even has the audacity to blame her for doing what she thought was the only reasonable action to take. 

“So since it’s not some top secret warfare plan, but instead something harmless and personal… would you please be so kind and tell me what Lexa and you were doing in Arcadia?” Clarke almost began to cry but she contained herself, biting her lower lip and fighting against her urge to scream. 

“If you want to know, ask her yourself. I’m sworn to secrecy.” Abby told her daughter, and Clarke felt the strong urge to punch her in this moment - still she didn’t go through with it, instead she clenched her fists inside of her pocket, tugging her fingernails into her palms until the skin almost broke.

“She’s in the basement, first corridor, third room.” Abby explained. “If you want to talk to her... “ 

“Like hell I do.” Clarke replied and stomped towards the door. 

“Clarke!” Abby called out after her. 

“WHAT?” She angrily turned around, face flushed and eyes red. 

“Lexa doesn’t owe you an explanation and leave her alone if she doesn’t want to talk about it. You’re not going to blame her or try to influence her decisions. Do you  hear what I’m saying?” Abby emphasized as hard as she possibly could. Clarke’s expression turned into a death glare and she had to calm herself somehow immediately. She didn’t respond to her mother’s request regarding Lexa. She would have just said something she’d regret later. 

“And please let her know I couldn’t even start with what I promised her to do.”Abby added, as if it wasn’t enough already. “Tell her I will finish it immediately, as soon as I’m done tending to the emergency patients.” 

“Anything else you need to tell me?” Clarke growled. 

“Take a shower before you see her. That’s all.” Abby lowers her gaze and turns around, before Clarke finally leaves the room, s lamming the door behind her. 

“You should take a shower too... “ Abby said to Raven. The usually snarky young mechanic just nods, without words. “Yeah, sorry for the mess. I’ll help you clean later.” Raven offered.    
  
***

Clarke walks down the hallway, approaching the shower rooms. She didn’t pick new clothes for herself just yet since she knew if she were to enter her bedroom, her mom would probably scold her even more for making everything filthy and grubby. 

  
She first washes her hands and face before undressing. She stuffed her dirty clothes into the laundry container in front of the shower cabins and grabbed a bar of soap. She lets her tears and emotions flow as the cleansing warm water ran over her skin, rinsing off the mud that was oozing out of every pore. She didn’t waste too much time before emerging from behind the shower curtains again, quickly grabbing a towel to get herself dry. 

  
The anger and rage inside her chest grew stronger and more intense as she made her way back to her quarters, looking for something fresh to wear. Clarke was angry at herself for even bothering in the first place. She blames herself at first, but her anger also shifted towards Lexa and her own mother for obviously planning something important without involving her. This wasn’t just about an issue with her own pride or feelings, the safety of their people are at stake. Clarke felt helpless, defeated even to some extent. She always wanted to help, to navigate and convey but what did she herself get out of this?    
  
Only blame from everybody. Bellamy even told her once that everything would be so easy if she weren’t around. She questions herself as she dresses. Did she really just make everything worse? On top of hurting herself and sacrifice everything she cares about? She decided as of now, this had to change. This time she was fed up with it all. She had enough. She was mad. 

It was with her heart and in deliberate absence of rational judgement that she decided to give Lexa this final chance. If she were to disappoint her, Clarke would force herself to move on, stand alone and forget about her - but if she would take her stand… Signal to her that she cares, open up to her and feel honestly sorry - then she was going to save this last chance and be with her, no matter what was going to happen to them.

Meanwhile in corridor one, room three, Lexa has finally woken up and apologized to Wells for wanting to hit him with a candle.

“You always carry a candle with you?” He asked

“No. This was an unusual occasion.” Lexa replied.

“I see… Well how about I get you a coffee and you tell me why my dad is so scared of you?” Wells asked the slender young woman.

“I don’t understand what I have done to offend your father.” Lexa replied. “I don’t even know who your father is.”

“I mean… He was looking for me, put his head through the door, saw you sleeping on the couch and ran away, absolutely mortified. He’s chancellor Jaha by the way.” Wells explained what happened while Lexa was asleep.

“Oh… “ Lexa remembered. “Well,  to cut a long story short. He thought he was taking me hostage. I just defended myself by throwing him over my shoulder and pressing a dagger against his neck. Nothing serious.”

Wells was listening to Lexa and  he  remembered a story his father told him a few months ago, but in a different context. This sounds shockingly familiar - his father had told him that the Commander of the Grounders  threw him on to the floor and was about to slit his throat. 

Could this mean that this girl he was just talking to, was… No, he thought - this can’t be true. 

“Erm, what was your name again?” He started to ask, when he was interrupted by the door flying open.

“Lexa?” Clarke stomped in to the room , freshly dressed and her hair still wet with shower water.

“Clarke?/ Klark?” Wells and Lexa almost said simultaneously.

“It’s nice to see you!” Wells was happy  to see her. “I take it you two know one another?” He started growing a little nervous since Clarke just confirmed that the girl’s first name  was identical with the name of the Commander… Unfortunately this wasn’t exactly the time to sit down and have a nice conversation, this much was obvious. 

Clarke looked at Wells, then Lexa - then Wells again. She walk ed over to him. They embraced each other for a brief moment. Clarke told Wells how happy she was to see him again, but they sadly couldn’t celebrate their reunion for now since there were urgent matters to discuss.

He accepted when she sent him out, he left after saying goodbye and took the opportunity to check on his father. He would ask himself the question tonight repeatedly why and how his childhood friend knows the Commander… 

As the door  locks  behind him, an angry Clarke faces Lexa, who just had tried coffee for the first time in her life. She sipped on the hot beverage, decided she liked the unfamiliar taste and aroma - then she looked at Clarke, worriedly. 

“Wh at part about no more betrayal was unclear?” Clarke began her angry conversation, but Lexa didn’t reply at first. She simply didn’t know how to respond by literally being caught. 

“What the hell do you want from my mother? What the hell are you doing here?” Clarke emphasized aggressively.

Lexa looked at Clarke… then she stared back into her cup, observing her reflection in the coffee. She takes a deep breath before ultimately responding. 

“My business in Arcadia is none of your concern.” She answered.

“None of my concern?” Clarke’s blood pressure began to rise to an unhealthy level and she fought the urge not to  hold a knife to Lexa’s throat. “If that’s your  final  answer, then we are finished here and have nothing more to ever talk about!” She yelled angrily.

“Klark… I’m sorry.” Lexa first looked at Clarke, then looked away in shame. Her words came crashing down on her like arrows piercing through her soul and she was on the edge of crumbling beneath her overwhelming emotions. But she didn’t let herself be defeated, not yet. She needed to stay strong just a little longer, just a few more breaths.

“Sorry you lied to me, yet again? Or sorry that you couldn’t keep it from me?” Clarke slammed the table with her hand. The pain ran like a shockwave through the delicate bones of her fingers, that’s how hard she hit  the table . It was her only way not to go completely insane. She had to direct the pain inside her heart to another place.

“I’m sorry you feel that way.” Lexa replied after a few seconds of awkward silence. Clarke was astonished by the audacity of the Commander. Did she really just say that? How would she know how it feels, being blamed for everything? Being lied to, betrayed? Hearing the desperate screams of the mountain every time she close d her eyes, haunting her through every night? How dare Lexa assume how she feels?

“ You’re sorry that i  feel that way? About you having secrets from me? Lying to me? I’m sorry, but I believe I have every right in the world to be hurt about that, don’t you think so?”

Lexa didn’t answer at first. She tried to contain herself, remaining stoic and motionless but she felt just so overwhelmed, so vulnerable, sitting on that couch, still without pants on and tightly wrapped in a large blanket, like a caterpillar wrapped tightly into its cocoon.

“Klark… You lack restraint. That’s why you’re weak.”

Clarke was hurt by  Lexa’s words , yet she didn’t give into it, because she knew that was exactly what Lexa would have wanted.

“You know what, Lexa? I was concerned that you wanted my mother’s help for developing a biological weapon against Azgeda. That’s why I followed you. I wasn’t careful enough because I was in a hurry. Yes, I didn’t want your people and my people to commit genocide again. Because I know how awful it feels to pull that goddamn lever! To have all their blood on your hands! Because I care about you Lexa! Because I…”

“Your assumption of an organic weapon was ridiculous. However I’m impressed by your intelligence. Not many would have come to that conclusion. You are special indeed.” Lexa’s voice began to crumble.

“Lexa… If I truly was smart enough I would have been more careful. Whether it turned out to be false or true, the word got out and Azgeda suspected something. They were already here, in front of the gates, while you slept after god knows what procedure my mother couldn’t even start on you.”

Lexa almost dropped the cup of coffee and her eyes widened in shock as she just heard what Clarke shouted at her. The procedure wasn’t done - that means the problem was not yet solved… She hadn’t even thought about it since regaining consciousness, her mind just couldn’t  put everything together, everything seems so  frantic ever since she woke up. But now she remembered walking into Arcadia, into the clinic, being put to sleep and waking up again on this couch - still pregnant because Abby was interrupted. She was just about to ask if the doctor and her assistant were alright when her thought process was interrupted. 

“Whatever, you already decided it’s none of my concern. She said she’ll be back at you whenever she’s done with emergency patients, so don’t worry you’ll have  your operation soon .” Clarke  m umbled, heading for the door and ready to  leave . 

“Klark…” Lexa felt her heart sink and she couldn’t hold her tears back any longer. “Please don’t leave.” She whispered, barely audible.

“What do you want? Aren’t we done for good?” Clarke turned around, looking at the crying Lexa. 

“I’m pregnant, Klark.” Lexa just said it out loud. 

Clarke thought she would drop dead in shock and she was not yet sure whether or not she  heard Lexa correctly. She was uncertain what to feel, what to say. Somehow this just felt like a dark abyss opening underneath her. 

“Lexa, you are what?” Her brow furrows and she stared at the Commander in disbelief. Now it suddenly all made sense and she just s aid what she was thinking. 

“Wait, are you telling me you wanted my mother to do an abortion?” Clarke couldn’t help that her brain almost instantly came to a conclusion. She was indeed very smart after all, like Lexa previously noticed. She took Lexa’s silence as a wordless confirmation of her assumption. She walked away from the door, back into the center of the room. 

“You heartless bitch…” Clarke didn’t care anymore if Lexa believed lacking restraint was weakness, because she was now angry as she had last been when her father was floated.

“You know what, Lexa? I completely misjudged you. I thought you were the same as me. I thought you had a  conscience . But seriously, you wouldn’t even care about committing genocide, because you would kill your own flesh and blood without a second thought. I saw women on the ark, having to sacrifice their unborn, because they had no choice and would otherwise have been floated. My mother was haunted, having to perform those procedures almost every day. For crying out loud, Aurora Blake even gave her own life for not terminating an unborn Octavia! But YOU of all people, would willingly request your own child to be killed? Congratulations, Titus made an excellent Commander out of you. You take “love is weakness” to a whole new level. Why, just why did I happen to fall in love, with the worst, cruelest and most heartless human being to ever roam the earth?”

Clarke grabbed the edges of the table and flipped it in one swift motion. Her anger moved the object almost effortlessly. Lexa hid herself under the blanket and covered her head with her arms, scared that the table might fall on her, but it just landed on the floor, a few inches away from the couch. She was just confused, disturbed, and unsure if after learning she was still pregnant, would want to have it terminated any longer. Clarke’s words hit her hard. They crushed down on Lexa’s heart like a hail of gunpowder. They were even an exact reflection of how she felt about getting an abortion. Lexa remembered when first learning about the features of her Nightblood anatomy how heartbroken she actually was about it. To her, children were always the most important amongst her people. The reason why she fought for a better future and tried to defend peace so heavily. 

  
After becoming Heda, she accepted that having own children wasn’t in the cards for her. To be specific it wasn’t even an option anymore, since there was simply no place for them, speaking of the matter in theory. A battlefield is not a  place  for children and Heda can’t be a mother, even if it were possible. Yet as so many times before, she did not ask her heart, but this was the first time she questioned if this was the right thing to do. She never wasted a thought about whether or not the heart could be a legitimate compass after all. 

The door opened, someone looked into the room because they were worried about the noise of the flipped table. Clarke couldn’t even see who it was, when screaming they should keep the hell out.

“Lexa?” Clarke asked. She felt a little better after blowing off some steam.

“Yes?” She heard a quiet reply.

“I’m not going to ask you how it happened… I mean I know how it must have happened but that is irrelevant now... “ Clarke tried to calm herself. She just wanted answers, explanations - she remembered how her mother told her Lexa doesn’t owe her an explanation, but she still had to at least try  to get one. “Why did you think this was the only solution? Why couldn’t you imagine looking for a loving family instead?” Her voice was now a lot calmer.    
  
“Klark… I want you to understand that this would have been my preferred solution. However this child will not be safe anywhere. The Queen of Azgeda will not rest until she possesses her.” Lexa speaks of her unborn child almost as if she knew it was a girl. “Then she’d rather be forever unborn. Even in death I would not forgive myself… if she were to fall into the hands of Nia.” 

Clarke listened and understood, but she had to investigate Lexa’s claims further. “I get that you fear Azgeda and their Queen so much - but is she really undefeatable? I mean they are just another clan of Grounders, right?” Clarke questioned.   
  
“Azgeda are different from us, Klark. If you believe my people are cruel and inhuman, you probably can’t imagine the monstrous abomination that is Azgeda. Queen Nia is extremely barbaric, even  by Azgeda’s standards.” Lexa lowers her gaze as she explains. 

“Well… I think this may be what they want you to believe. Aren’t Grounders usually extremely cruel with their enemies?” Clarke, who  had  caught her breath and calmed down by now, took a seat next to Lexa on the couch. 

“It’s not just about their enemies, Klark.” Lexa sighs heavily, trying to suppress her tears. “Azgeda are also exceptionally cruel to their own children.” Lexa shoved her sleeve up until the tattoo on her arm was exposed. “I received this shortly after my ascension. I was sixteen.” She explained. “This is the usual age for Trikru warriors to receive their tribals. Some may be as young as twelve, if they have accomplished something great already at  a young age. However, this is not common. Only a few skilled tribal artists can do this. It is a well-regarded profession. Customs from other clans are similar.” She pulls her sleeve back down when she finishes explaining for the first part. 

“Azgeda are an exception….” Lexa mutters as she continues explaining further. “They bear scarification. Regardless if one is a warrior or not - and they begin receiving them very early in childhood. Sometimes when they are as young as two years of age…”   
  
“That’s obscene!” Clarke cringed in shock when hearing this. She believed Lexa, since her accounts were consistent with what she observed among Azgeda people. Literally everybody of this clan she had ever seen was in fact heavily scarred, even the children. 

“First the lines are cut with a dagger… the flesh is cut deep because otherwise the wounds would just heal without scarring… But it doesn’t end there. Dried and gr ound Ivy leaves and pine needles are being embrocated into the wounds as soon as the bleeding stops…. And finally the wound is burned.” 

“... Just when I thought my people were fucked up…” Clarke’s face was distorted with pain from just listening to it. “Who the hell would do this?”    
  
“The children are scarred by their own mothers. Because cruelty and relentlessness towards your own children is considered a virtue for Azgeda mothers. The more you break and scar your child, the better of a warrior they are believed to become.” Lexa finally  finished explaining. It was shocking and of course, this was just one aspect as to why she would not want her baby to be kidnapped and raised by Queen Nia.    
  
“I get it… she is literally raising her people to be those war zombies, killing machines, whatever... “ Clarke remarked in disgust.

“And she is very successful with it. Azgeda is the fastest growing and currently largest clan of the twelve.” Lexa clarified.    
  
“I understand why you fear her - but listen, Azgeda are still just human after all. They are not invincible. They can be defeated.” Clarke protectively placed her hand on Lexa’s thigh.    
  
“You are of course, right about that… But they are currently outnumbering us. At this point, I believe no matter what the result of the summit will be, Azgeda will invade and lay waste to us either way. This means my death is impending, your people are doomed and the other clans will either be assimilated into being Azgeda - or held as slaves. Yet we are helpless and can neither stop nor defeat them.” 

“Lexa you know I’m not letting you die.” Clarke takes the Commander’s hand and squeezes it protectively. “If we can’t defeat Nia, then we make a run for it. There are places in this world where she can’t find us. Spots on this earth she doesn’t care about. And her influence is not endless. So don’t even start telling me we can’t. I’m not leaving without you either. We both survive - or n either of us does.” 

“I know there are places like this… I even know of one.” Lexa explains and Clarke is becoming more and more impatient.    
  
“You know a place like this? And never considered going there? Why not?” She asked   
  
“It’s not an option. I have to stay and fight, as this is my duty. My sacred vow that I have sworn when receiving the flame. Klark we need to think about our people. This isn’t as easy as you make it sound.”

Clarke sighed in frustration and she grew angry again. 

“I won’t bother caring for you any longer, Lexa. If you want to return to being Heda after bringing this child into the world, I won’t stop you. But after today, I’m done with helping people who don’t appreciate it and continue blaming me instead. Do what you want but I will have my own clan if necessary, and I will raise the child that you forsake as my own.”

“Klark, I’m afraid we can’t stop what’s been set in motion. If Azgeda is marching on Skaikru for intimidation, it’s just a matter of time until Nia declares war and lays waste to everything. We can’t possibly leave now. Our people need us. The world needs us.” Lexa desperately tried to explain, not wanting to go through with what she suggested but feeling like she had no choice or other way around. 

“No Lexa. The world doesn’t need us at all. I was gone from Arcadia for three months. I was ready to die or at least never to return again and as you see, my people managed very well without me. As will your people without you. You said it so yourself. We probably can’t stop it anymore at this point anyway. Maybe leaving right now without warning is exactly what we have to do. Our people probably first have to destroy one another, before they can rebuild this world again in unity. I bear it so they don’t have to – I took responsibility for everything, tried to save my people time and time again. For what? All I ever left behind was death and destruction. I became known as Wanheda, the Commander of death and now have to live with this fate for  the rest of my life . I’m so tired of it and won’t bear it anymore.” Clarke replied with a convincing response. 

“Please tell me more about this place you know. Where is it, how can we get there and  how long will it take us to get there ? Are there any people you know?” Clarke had just so many questions. 

“Someone I once considered my friend… After hearing rumors about a “City of Light” where everybody is welcome, regardless of their ability, health or flaws… I know she had survived and fulfilled her dream. The legend says that only a true seeker can find this place… But I was told by her how to find it. Regardless I do not know if she still considers me a friend and if I am still welcome there. However,  you and  this child… I believe, shall be safe with her.” 

“If in the worst case Nia takes over the world… would this… “City of Light” affected by it? Clarke asked to make sure. 

“I don’t think Nia even knows it exists. It’s an island only known to few. No treasures or values. Harbor to the weakest. Soldiers and weapons can’t be found. Under the current circumstances it should not be of interest for her… if…” Lexa paused for a moment and placed her hand on her belly. 

“What?” Clarke asked.    
  
“We must be careful. She can never find out about the existence of this child. The sake of this last safe resort for the broken and vulnerable depends on the fact that this secret is to be kept no matter what. If you can promise me that, I shall follow and take you there. Lexa said confidently. 

“So I take it that we go to this… City of candles?” Clarke asked. 

“When do we leave?” Was Lexa’s quick and unexpected reply.

“Give me an hour.” Clarke was surprised that Lexa was so easily convinced by those few very powerful words of hers. She knew however that it was useless to still trust her and hope for a relationship that goes beyond political matters, but this decision was something unusual, if not to say insane. She was worried about the consequences, fearful of the future – but something deep inside of her heart told Clarke that this was exactly the right decision to make. As foolish and immature it may sound. Yes it was risky and in the worst case when  if they got  caught, Lexa knew she would be labeled a traitor to the blood, a runaway. But maybe she had to at least try to get this child to safety, because there was a greater plan for her. Maybe the previous Commanders guided fate this way. Maybe she had to consider the plan she previously had in mind before. 

“You said there was a tradepost, an hour south from here?” Lexa asked. 

“There is.” Clarke responded. 

  
“Then this will be our first stop on our journey to Floukru. We have to seek  out  Luna. She was a novitiate at my conclave.” Lexa explained. 

“The one who ran away?” Clarke asked. “She’s alive? And you know where?” 

Lexa nodded. 

“The night before my ascension, she handed me the coordinates, asking me to join her. If we had ran away together, there would not have been a commander anymore. Let the warmongers destroy themselves but accept everybody to our own clan who requests to join and wants to live a peaceful life, create a new world and shape a new reality. In fact she planned to do what we have in mind right now, already long before. So in this regard she may have been more of a visionary than I was.”

Clarke was more determined to go through with the plan than ever before when hearing Lexa’s words. 

“Klark… There is just one thing I want you to ask... “ Lexa grew worried as she placed her hand on her belly again. Clarke was fully alert and waited for her question.    
  


“I was put to sleep... So I fear she may not survive… or be born deformed… because of my ignorance.” Lexa sighed.    
  
“Oh, no don’t worry about that!” Clarke assured her. “The anesthesia my mother uses isn’t toxic to unborn children. She herself had surgery for a broken ankle while pregnant with me.”    
  
Lexa felt at ease and she wanted to tell Clarke that she turned out perfect regardless. She decided to keep it for herself and helped packing their bags instead… 

After a long night without any sleep, Abby finally returned to Clarke’s room, but to her surprise she found it vacated. She  looks around the room and finds  some of Clarke’s belongings missing. She returns to her own room - but d idn’t find her there either.    
Worried she makes her way to the third room of the first corridor in the basement - but finds Lexa gone as well. She didn’t need to search all of Arcadia to know what was going on, they obviously snuck out unnoticed. Abby knew she couldn’t report them missing, since they were officially never here. “I hope you know what you are doing…” She whispered to herself. “Don’t you dare endanger yourselves…” She sighs. “... my girls” 


	4. Chapter 4

“The tradepost is right over the next hill.” Clarke pointed into the direction where she and Lexa were headed. “I can't believe I’m more exhausted than you are.” She complained.

“If you were to focus more on walking instead of conversation, you might not feel this way.” Lexa commented. “However I agree with the need to rest, since we’ve been walking for almost the entire night.” Clarke and Lexa talked when they almost arrived at Niyla’s tradepost, exhausted from their journey.

“At least we can agree on that.” Clarke groaned. “I’m sure you will love Niylah. No matter what, she always has a bed… or some space in her own bed for me. I’m sure we can stuff you in there somehow as well.”

“Klark I do not think I desire to share the bed with this friend of yours.” Lexa glared at Clarke.

“We’re not talking about sharing the bed _together_ , but about sharing the _bed_ together.” Clarke hoped she could help Lexa understand by putting the right emphasis.

Niylah was surprised but very happy when she opened the door and saw who was knocking on it. Lexa tried her best to hide underneath the hood of her coat, in order not to be recognized. Niylah asked them to step inside and directed them to her bedchamber. She didn’t want the two new arrivals to attract unnecessary attention. Regardless, Clarke kept the door open an inch or two, so she could pick up snippets of the conversations going on in the trading room. 

The trade post is very busy at this moment due to the brewing of the war. When overhearing the conversations between Niylah and her customers it becomes apparent that the conspiracy between Skaikru and the Commander is a subject widely discussed. Rumors say that a young black-haired Skaikru man, who is consorting with an Azgeda warrior has let the word slip.

“Dammit Bellamy… Why couldn’t you keep your mouth shut? It’s all your fault…” Clarke said silently inside of her head, as she felt her growing anger.

Clarke dyed her hair dark reddish brown again shortly after arrival, since she couldn’t afford to be noticed. Lexa was hiding underneath her hoodie and a long, wide scarf. Nevertheless, Niylah knew she had seen her face somewhere before. She just couldn’t recall where exactly and in what context just yet. This girl must be a warrior, that much she recognized by the way she moves, her alertness and her reaction to even the faintest of sounds.

“So what is your relationship with Wanheda?” Niylah decided to confront Lexa, during a rare moment when they were alone inside the tradepost.

“We’ve been traveling for a while. I guess it would be a little much to say we were close friends.” Lexa tried to look away and hide her face, but she noticed that the more she hid her face, the harder Niylah tried to get a closer look at her features.

“I really feel like I know you from somewhere… You look so familiar.” Niylah pushes

“I must have a common kind of face.” Lexa replied coldly, but her pulse kept increasing due to her fear of being exposed. 

“What is your profession?” Niylah tried a different approach, not willing to give up until she had an answer. 

“You know, I was already beaten up quite badly before because of Wanheda, and don’t really feel like risking that again. I’d like to know who takes refuge at my tradepost.” Niylah grabs Lexa’s sleeve, shoving the hood of her coat back so she could have a clearer look at her face. “I can tell you are a warrior. The way you walk is not that of an ordinary peasant. Your face is familiar... “ 

Lexa sighs. She yanked her hand out of Niylah’s grip with force and anger, stepping back and pulling the hood over her head again. The fabric threw a shadow over her face, exposing only her chin and lower lip. 

“You wanted an answer, you will get it.” Lexa replies angrily. “I’m a whore.” 

It was not the response Niylah expected. “Took an arrow to my shoulder. It never properly healed so I’m no longer capable of wielding a sword. I choose to survive. Now that’s all I’m still good for.”

“Hm…” Niylah’s brow furrows. “Guess that’s what happens when you become useless to Heda Lexa kom…”

“Mention that bitch again and I’ll kill you!” Clarke glared at her old friend, cutting her off angrily. Lexa got up and left the scene in embarrassment without saying a word, not entirely sure if Niylah saw through her deception.

“Sorry, alright. I guess I gotta go feed the pigs.” Niyla grabbed a bowl with leftover food from the day before and went out quickly, seemingly embarrassed that her small talk escalated a little.

Clarke sighed and she realized how close this just was. She wasn’t sure whether or not she dodged a bullet this time or if Niylah actually mentioned the Commander because she did in fact recognize that Lexa herself was sitting at the table with her. It was logical to assume Niylah did indeed not realize and believed Lexa’s lie, and the mentioning of the Commander was actually just a coincidence because the conversation simply led there. She decided to follow Lexa into the room they were staying for the night. 

“Did she buy it?” Lexa asked when Clarke entered through the door without knocking.

“I think so.” Clarke wiped the sweat off her brow.

“One more night, then we leave. We can’t risk her finding out. For her own sake… and our own. I just really hope nobody recognized us already…” 

“Well, what would we do if you weren’t such an awesome liar.” Clarke grunted.

“Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Klark.”

“And deception is not the product of an honorable heart.” Clarke replied angrily, still mad about the events of the recent past and unable to swallow her pride. 

“It helps not to dwell on the past, Klark. We have to save our energy to make plans and find another hideout, ideally on the way to the direction we are heading.” Lexa went to her backpack and began to unwrap a map she brought with her. 

“Alright, I get it. Just focus on surviving, no time for unnecessary conversations .” Clarke walks around nervously, as much as was possible inside such a small bedroom. 

“Klark… I know how hard this is for you, but we need to make choices in order to survive. We have to make this our first priority. Conversations can wait for another time. We must prepare to leave at daybreak.”

Clarke sank onto the bed. The atmosphere inside the room was thick and heavy. The air itself felt like a vest made from iron chains that wrapped themselves around her body, increasing the pressure in order to crush her. “Lexa…” She desperately whispers her name. Did she want her to be close or did she want her to stay away? She didn’t know and couldn’t find the answer. How could people be just inches apart, yet still feels like million miles away from one another, her mind’s voice whispered to herself. 

Lexa was alert when she heard Clarke speaking her name. She gazed back at her, making eye contact. 

“What is bothering you, Klark? Talk to me about what is on your mind.” Lexa stopped unfolding the map and dropped it on the floor. She walks over to the bed and sits next to Clarke. 

“I don’t understand how you can be like that. You are so… calm and patient… to an extent where I can’t even tell anymore if you really have any emotions at all… to be honest, it’s gotten worse since the time we last met.” Clarke just felt like she had to get this off of her chest. She looked up to Lexa for always being so focused, so capable of separating feelings from duty. She wished to be like that herself sometimes, but on the other hand she couldn’t relate to this ability at all. 

Clarke lowered her gaze and she stared at the floor, right over the edge of the bed for a few moments, then she looked at Lexa once more, making contact with her beautiful, forest green eyes. She’s reminded once again of this woman’s beauty… The face that’s been haunting her ever since that fateful night at Mount Weather. Her hands began to shake slightly and her heart rate started to increase. She involuntarily shakes her head and tears are forming in the corner of her eyes. Lexa was just stoically sitting there. She looked back at her with this expression of admost adoration - yet she didn’t move, didn’t speak and didn’t seem to react at all. 

“Are you even still alive?” Clarke asked in anger and disbelief. “What happened to you, Lexa? How can you be like this?” She reaches out her hand, attempting to touch the other woman’s face, but stops right before her fingertips make contact with Lexa’s skin. Clarke trembles, her eyes are almost overflowing with tears.

“I care about you, Klark.” Lexa replied, her pupils widely dilated. 

“That was not my question.” Was Clarke’s immediate response.

Lexa takes a deep breath. She lowers her gaze, closes her eyes for a moment before looking at those two sky blue ones again.

“Klark…” She began to explain. “We are taught never to shed tears. For the simple act of crying means the spirit has been defeated by our feelings. And for us, the Natblida, the very existence of emotions is nothing but a burden.”

“Lexa I know this. You said before that love was a weakness. Yes I’m aware that this was drilled into your head with brute force. However, you don’t live by it, do you? I know you loved Costia!”

“Calm yourself Klark! Please speak quietly. You should remember it’s not safe here and…” 

Hearing Clarke’s words, Lexa’s heart began to beat a little faster. She knew exactly what she heard was the truth, but admitting it was just so much heavier than her denial.

“There we are again, you are avoiding me.” Clarke said, this time trying her best to remain quiet, before continuing. 

“This child you are carrying…” Clarke began. “I know you never really wanted to get rid of it. Because you already love it more than your own life. Otherwise you wouldn’t go through all of that fuss just to save it.”

“Klark… Please don’t…” Lexa begged with a heavy breath, her jaw clenching and trembling.

“Lexa… How did this even happen in the first place? This child wasn’t just magically inside of your womb one day, was it? “ Finally the young Sky girl spoke those words that had been so heavy on her heart, just wanting to gush out of her throat.

“Klark, now you’re going too far!” Lexa finally became a little angry herself and she didn’t consider quietness anymore at this very moment. Clarke didn’t care anymore either, she was fed up with it at this point. She took a firm hold of Lexa’s hand and stepped uncomfortably close to the Commander.

“Lexa… Who is the father?” Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat and her jaw shifted from one side to the other. Her pupils changed within a second and her expression changed from adoration more towards a state of defense.

The shifting of her jaw was something that only happened when she was ready to burst – Clarke knew this all too well, but she wasn’t going to stop and pushed Lexa even further. 

“Are you telling me you didn’t love him? Or care about him at least? Does he even kn…”

“ENOUGH!” Lexa screamed right in Clarke’s face, violently ripping her hand out of her grip.

Clarke rocked back in fear and shock. For a moment she really thought Lexa was going to attack her. Now suddenly Clarke felt sorry. She wanted to approach her and realized something terrible must be going on inside of Lexa’s head right now. 

“Get. Out.” Lexa closed herself off when Clarke wanted to get closer. 

She didn’t think it was even possible to get under Lexa’s skin by asking that question, Clarke didn’t know what to do. She was just standing there, motionless and staring into Lexa’s angry face.

“Lexa I…” She broke the silence after a few moments.

“ I said OUT!” Lexa screamed and snarled at her once again. She took one step towards Clarke, who then became a little anxious and decided it might really be better to follow her orders. 

Clarke left the room, looking back at the Commander at least twice before stepping out. 

As the door fell close behind her, Lexa just had to sit on the bed and sigh. She didn’t want to scream at Clarke like that, but enough was enough and even she had to respect her boundaries.

The thought was heavy on Lexa’s mind. She didn’t want to talk about it, especially not at this point in time. She wasn’t exactly sure what Clarke’s thoughts and feelings towards her were, and to be honest, Clarke herself didn’t even know. Lexa hoped. There was nothing in this world she would desire more than having another chance of reconciliation with Clarke and that their “maybe someday” was still a possibility. Lexa however was very much aware of the fact that probably too much had happened between the two of them. That there simply wasn’t any basis left for a relationship any longer. All the pain, the betrayal – Clarke had to live with her guilt for the rest of her days and Lexa knew she herself was responsible for this. She was the source, the root of Clarke’s pain. Lexa never meant to turn Clarke into this. How would Clarke feel if she knew about her secrets? If she knew how her child came into existence? Would it even still matter to her at this point? Was there even more damage to be done? Clarke was at least still talking to her, so maybe that much would be at risk if she knew…

Lexa steps out onto the patio of her room, feeling the cold air surrounding her. She looks at the dark sky at night. The traveling clouds roaming through the sky, solely restrained by the void of outer space. Watching them, feeling the wind blow through her hair, caused a sensation of both ultimate freedom and a kind of anxiety at the same time.

The future was uncertain. Her feeling was that of either unchained, uncompromised eternal liberty – or complete and utter chaos and destruction. It was almost scary how close the two of them were together. The further away she walked from Polis, from her duty as Heda, the harder it felt to imagine ever returning again. The feeling of being responsible for herself alone, to be free and have taken her life back felt amazing. On the other hand it was frightening, since she never had the right to independence and self determination in her entire life. It was something she first had to get used to. On top of that, there was this guilt she felt towards her people. She had thought about it often in the past few hours since they left, questioned if it was the right thing to do.   
  
As she began to drift deeper into her thoughts, she heard Clarke’s voice. She was shouting, clearly in distress. Lexa was alert again and she was able to locate Clarke’s voice coming from the trading room.   
  
Without a second thought or hesitation, Lexa ran back into the bedroom and grabbed her sword that she hid underneath the bed upon their arrival. She opened the door of the bedroom to get a clear view of what she saw, alert about the possibility she could be attacked any moment. Inspecting the situation quickly. She saw four very tall men dressed in characteristic Trikru attire standing around a table. One of them held Clarke restrained atop of it, slightly bending over, in what seems to be an attempt to choke information out of her. Lexa didn’t hesitate and ran towards the scene. Two men fell immediately, as they were defenseless and not anticipating anybody to attack them. She had drawn her sword so fast, that the mere human eye wouldn’t even have noticed she had indeed just slain them.   
  
The third man, tall and bulky in his appearance, tried to draw his sword but was stabbed by Lexa before he even reached it.   
  
The fourth man let go of Clarke, drawing his blade in an attempt to wield it at Lexa. She dodged him with ease, before striking twice - once at his leg and finally at his heart then he dropped to the ground as well. 

“Klark! Are you alright?” Lexa immediately ran to Clarke’s aid. 

“Thank you… I am…” Clarke gasped and Lexa helped to pull her back up onto her feet.   
  
“Where is Niylah ?” Lexa asked worriedly. Clarke pointed at a corner. “They went for me first... “ Clarke tried to form a sentence, still out of breath.   
  
Niylah held a chair in her hands, but put it down as she came to the realization that the danger had been eliminated quickly. 

“Not capable of wielding a sword anymore, huh?” Her brow furrows when looking at Lexa and putting down the chair on the floor again.   
  
“What did these men want?” Lexa asked, dodging Niylah’s remark. 

“We didn’t exactly find out… you… you killed them before.” Clarke explained. 

“Oh...How long were they here?” Lexa asked. 

“A couple of seconds?” Niylah shrugged. 

“Klark… please come with me. We need to prepare ourselves, whether you agree with me or not. I told you before, it’s not safe here.” Lexa snarled before walking back into their bedroom. 

Inside of their quarters, Lexa had unpacked the map and tried to explain to Clarke where their next destination would be and how to properly read the compass. Clarke was hardly capable of following Lexa’s instructions because she was so distracted. Eventually Lexa decided it was no use and that she alone was going to be responsible for directions. It was for the best anyway, since she was knowledgeable about the area, while Clarke wasn’t. 

An abandoned village by the sea… That’s how much Clarke was capable of registering. 

The day was exhausting and Lexa drifted off into sleep rather quickly. Clarke thought it was probably not going to last very long. Ever since she had been brought to Polis, she observed that Lexa was a nervous sleeper and often suffered from insomnia, so she was probably going to get up in one or two hours from now. 

Clarke decided to step out into the trading room. It was too cold outside and she just felt the need to clear her mind a little by walking around. The trading room was going to be alright for now. 

She took a seat on one of the chairs and saw that the floor was still stained with the blood of the men Lexa had killed in defense a few hours before. She closed her eyes and was just starting to think about Lexa again, when suddenly feeling a warm hand pressing against her shoulder. 

“Lex…” She whispered - but was interrupted by the hungry blonde tradepost owner…

“What? Is Wanheda having filthy thoughts about the Commander?” Niylah sassed. “But I suppose I will have to be enough for tonight.” Niyla kisses Clarke on the mouth, and Clarke lets it happen. “Does your private servant want to join us?” She breaks the kiss and asks. “She is not my private servant.” Clarke said before the air was knocked out of her lungs again.”

“I know exactly who she is, don’t worry. And I know exactly what you want to do with her.” Niylah teased.   
  
“Please Niylah, I’m not in the mood for this right now... “ Clarke rejected her and turned away. 

“Very well…” Niylah accepted and went back to her own quarters. 

Clarke remained sitting on her chair for a while. She tried to think but her brain was just too scattered to cling onto a thought. She was wondering what those four men could have wanted. She was concerned about the safety of all three of them. Was Polis already alert? Have they noticed yet that Lexa was missing? She knew they would have to hurry before search parties would be all over the woods. 

Clarke knew how much she needed to rest, that’s why she went back into the bedroom she was sharing with Lexa. After closing the door behind herself carefully, she walked closer towards the bed. Lexa was still sleeping. Her breath was quiet and she was turned to her left side, facing away from Clarke. A small strand of hair had fallen over her face.   
  
“She is so beautiful” Clarke thought and she wasn’t sure whether or not she should reposition the small strand of hair. Clarke didn’t want to wake Lexa up. She knew she may be easily woken, since she’s always very alert, but then she eventually decided to gently brush it out of Lexa’s face and to the back of her head.   
  
Somehow Clarke wanted to stay close to Lexa, but didn’t dare to. She fell asleep within a few inches of Lexa. 

The next morning came long before sunrise. It was important to leave before the tradepost was officially opened, so they could remain mostly unnoticed and unfollowed. This was probably the last opportunity to change and shower before arriving at the abandoned village. It was an estimated walk of twelve hours and would lead them out of Trikru territory, to the coast where the blue cliff clan resides. 

Niylah also provided them with a chart and a dog so it was easier to transport all of the supplies she had provided them with. She may have mentioned that everything was just borrowed, but actually knew she’d probably not see it ever again. 

“Thank you for accommodating us.” Lexa thanked Niylah before leaving. 

“You are a great friend for Klark to have, since you always tend to her needs, emotionally and physically.”

“Oh.. well… ” Niylah felt ashamed at being caught and she avoided the subject by bidding farewell and immediately returning back to business since the tradepost would open within the next hour. 

Clarke and Lexa began walking south, towards the direction of the seaside. Picasso, which was the name of the golden coated dog, pulled the cart. 

The morning fog was ghosting through the evergreen trees, tiny dew drops sparkled in the last remaining moments that the glowing moon would still be visible before daybreak.

Lexa rubs her eyes and she has to throw up. Clarke was surprised, since she believed Lexa had a solid few hours of sleep last night. She holds her hair patiently and hands her the small canteen of water once her sickness has passed. 

Lexa accepts it without words, but appears angry for some reason. She drinks a few sips, then closes the canteen again.

“I hope you won’t try to bite my face off again.” Clarke said when Lexa handed her the small water vessel back. 

“I thought you said you weren’t ready to be with anyone.” Lexa quietly snarled.

“Wait… weren’t you sleeping?” Clarke immediately realized that Lexa was hinting at the kiss between her and Niylah.   
  
“I’m disappointed Klark. I expected you to see right through my deception.” Lexa maintained her calm and soft voice but was apparently showing something one could interpret as emotion, jealousy to be specific. 

“I thought you didn’t want to discuss those topics any further. And for your information, it was just a kiss.” Clarke cussed back angrily at her.

“I’m aware.” Lexa replied before taking the dog by it’s leash and continued to follow the trail. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that the relationship between Clarke and Lexa is not that advanced at this point in the story, so Clarke obviously doesn't know every single detail about Lexa just yet. Consider before you jump at my throat for making Clarke ask a dumb question.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning - Lexa's (almost) full revelation/ and a small medical procedure.   
> Read with caution. Please.
> 
> Shoot, I'm a little scared to post this...

The sun begins to rise, revealing the secrets of the forest. Colorful autumn leaves above the shiny, dark green moss, hideouts to the smallest and most fragile critters. Clarke observes Lexa carefully and she watches everything she does with the strongest interest and adoration. This young woman was so gentle. Connected with nature, down to the very essence of her being. She was so aware of her surroundings and so sensitive towards every living creature. Animals don’t seem to be scared of her. Birds or squirrels would even pick flower seeds out of her hand, as if she was this majestic goddess of the woods that can’t harm anything within the delicate balance inside of it. That’s one of the many contradictions and mysteries of her. On one hand she’s this fearsome warrior who kills four men twice her size in a heartbeat, and on the other hand she wouldn’t even squish a bug on purpose. 

“Whenever I get close, they immediately run or flutter away.” Clarke remarked as she watched a tiny bird resting on Lexa’s hand. She pours a few drops of water into her palm for him to drink, and the little bird happily does.

“Your people weren’t part of this world for a long time. You have lost touch with the spirit of the earth. You may never learn  it  again, at least not during this generation.” Lexa explained in a very cold and rational manner.

“Doesn’t sound all too motivational.” Clarke replied.

“How could you have survived outside for three months with a voice this loud? I’m astonished you haven’t starved.” Lexa’s soft-spoken voice dropped in disbelief as she noticed the little bird was gone.

“Have you ever caught and killed a panther with your bare hands? Or with only a knife?” Clarke replied grumpily as she  took  Lexa’s words  to be rather condescending. 

“Klark,  it was a simple question  and  not intended to invalidate your competence of survival skill, but because it interests me. If you desire not to speak about this any further then…”

“No, sorry, it’s just…” Clarke cut  Lexa off, but didn’t finish her sentence, because she didn’t really know how to continue, or what exactly she should say. “Probably the Panther was  the only  thing I could ever catch, because… well it may have been drawn to my loud voice. 

“Perhaps.” Lexa replied, all of a sudden rather disinterested as they continued walking. 

Clarke figured that Lexa probably didn’t want to talk and kept quiet for a while. She had a hard time keeping up with her. She was so determined and focused, never losing sight or slowing down - and not even getting out of breath. 

“Could you please slow down?” Clarke called out to her from afar. Lexa had been walking ahead, not really looking back, as if she was avoiding Clarke.   
  
“At this rate we will never make it to the coast  before sunset.” Lexa replied, barely audible. “Klark, the dog is faster than you. I wonder if you do this on purpose.”    
  
“Now you’re starting to sound like my people. I get it, everything is my fault.” Clarke complained. 

“I know, Klark. You have accomplished so much yet nobody recognizes your effort and strength. Instead your people just blame and criticize you for whatever it was you could not yet accomplish.”

Lexa walks over to Clarke,  and holds out her hand. Clarke takes it. “You know… I’m not sure if you are serious or if you’re mocking me.” She tries to catch her breath. 

“You should know me well enough to understand that I’m incapable of mockery, Klark.” Lexa replied without hesitation, but Clarke was still not sure what to make out of it.    
  
“Do you need a few moments to catch your breath?” Lexa asked.    
  
“That would be very considerate of you Com…”    
  
“Shhh.!” Lexa cut her off. “Please, avoid referring to me by either name or title.”   
  
“Alright, why is that?” Clarke answered.    
  
“Because you should always expect that someone might be following us.” Lexa explained. 

“Then we should be careful not to let our guard down.” Clarke looks at her hand that was still entwined with Lexa’s. 

She closes her eyes and sighed as her fingertips gently stroked and ghosted over the inside of Lexa’s palm.

“Even after everything that happened… Lexa, sometimes I think you are the only human in this world who understands exactly what this feels like for me.” Clarke squeezes their hands closer together, as if she was indicating she never wants to let her go.

“Because maybe we are the same when it comes to this....” Lexa’s eyes were searching for Clarke’s. 

With her free hand, she reached out for Clarke’s eyebrow, gently brushing over it with her fingertips. A very gentle and loving moment indeed. 

The weight on Clarke’s shoulders began to crumble, she breathed easier and she could finally smile at Lexa again after such a long time. Lexa takes another step closer to Clarke. 

Lexa leans forward. Clarke thought she was going to kiss her, but she actually closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against Clarke’s. “Close your eyes and just listen.” She whispers, and Clarke could almost taste her breath. “The sound of nature…” Clarke whispers back. They remained in this position for a while until suddenly Lexa opened her eyes and lowered her gaze towards her belly. She felt a very faint fluttering movement inside of her womb that alerted her. She smiled and placed a hand on it.

“Lexa?” Clarke asked, a little worried.

“Oh, it’s nothing, she just moved.” Clarke’s jaw dropped and she had such an enchanted and blissful expression on her face. She wanted to place her own hand on top of Lexa’s, but Lexa quickly turned away in what appeared to be an attempt to escape Clarke’s touch.    
  
“We should continue walking. We have to arrive before sunset, as I mentioned previously.” Lexa seems to have shifted back into her Commander persona in this moment. Clarke felt extremely rejected, but she maintained her composure. 

“I understand,” She replied. We have to leave, because we can’t know if it’s safe here.

Their journey to the seaside was rather calm and pleasant. Lexa had almost perfect knowledge of the area and the terrain, she knew exactly which paths to use and which were to be avoided. Azgeda were usually not encountered this far in the southeast, just a few Trikru troops were. Soldiers would usually just ignore two travelling women of their own tribe and a simple yet plausible explanation was usually enough. 

They arrived faster at the seaside than expected, approximately an hour before sunset.

Lexa stopped as she heard the waves in the nearby distance. She sighed with relief when realizing they almost made it. They both were exhausted, but happy at the same time. However they knew they weren’t yet safe. 

“This is blue cliff territory. They are a small but peaceful clan. Mostly fishermen. As long as nobody tracked us, we are fine.” Lexa explained to Clarke that there was no reason to be afraid, at least for now.

“Behind those dunes” Lexa points towards the shore “We should find the abandoned village. We need to make preparations. I will explain to you in detail what’s going to await us.”

Lexa turned her gaze away from Clarke, and there was a sound of sorrow in her voice. As if she wasn’t comfortable  with the upcoming future events - of course who wouldn’t feel bittersweet at the thought of having to surrender her own child. The wind blows into her hair and she tastes the breeze of freedom that she knew would last only temporarily.

They made their way towards the village by the sea. Clarke was surprised to find that it really seems to be abandoned. The houses were merely cottages or sheds, clearly constructed some time before the apocalypse, which the Grounders refer to as “Pramfaya”. 

The materials used for these tiny, on average one-family buildings  had almost  entirely fallen apart, only a few of these scrap-cottages were still standing – overgrown with mossy roofs and some barnacle-like organisms slowly creeping and growing up the walls, reclaiming mankind’s constructions and converting it back into nature.

“Will this one do?” Clarke asked as she inspected one cottage that was still in relatively good condition with an intact roof and even something that once must have been a door. 

“ For  this night, definitely.” Lexa agreed on the tiny, mossy cottage Clarke just picked. She takes Picasso off the leash and goes inside. The dog immediately started to run and jump around, happy to finally be unbound and having a little bit of freedom for herself. 

“It seems mostly dry. This is rare during this time of the year, especially here at the seaside.” Lexa noticed as she went into the cottage and sat down on the sandy, yet comfortable floor before starting to  unpack the blankets.

“Now… Looks like we almost made it. I guess it’s time for conversation.” Clarke insisted. She could be determined and would remind Lexa, that she didn’t forget what she mentioned back at the tradepost. 

Picasso was done running around and found her way into the cottage as well by now, choosing to lay down against Lexa’s back. Lexa smiled at the dog’s affection and she started to pet her head. 

“Klark, there is something that needs to be done before we can talk.” Lexa began her conversation and Clarke listened.

Lexa reached into the pockets of her coat and took a tiny tin box out of it. There was a faded image of a skull  with her famous forehead symbol printed on it. Lexa slid it open with a little pressure, revealing an encasement for a diamond-shaped object, about half an inch tall. Next to it was a small blade, much like a scalpel or razor. 

“If you want to have an honest conversation, you must help me remove the flame.” Lexa ordered and Clarke had no idea what exactly Lexa was talking about. 

“What is this flame? You mentioned it before… What am I supposed to do?” Clarke was confused. 

“The flame is the spirit of the Commander. After my death, it shall be passed on to the next  nightblood  who ascends Lexa explained. 

“Alright, I… I knew that much but… what do you mean by removing it? How can something spiritual be removed?” 

“Give me your hand, Klark.” Lexa spoke softly, yet she was a little nervous about this herself. She took Clarke’s hand and placed it on the back of her neck. “Can you feel this?”

Clarke gently brushed over Lexa’s skin. “May I have a look?” She asked, and Lexa nodded. 

She shifted closer towards Lexa, slightly moving her hair of f her neck and  took a closer look. 

“You have a scar going right through your tattoo…” Clarke noticed as she got a clear view. “What happened here? It looks like an incision rather than an injury…? And the tattoo… looks like you received it after the scar?” 

“Klark… this is the location of the flame.” 

Clarke swallowed thickly at Lexa’s explanation. “Wait, are you telling me this is an actual, physical object?” 

“Yes.” Lexa clarified. “It connects me to the consciousness of the previous Commanders - as my successor will connect to mine.” 

Clarke was a little shocked about what she just heard.“Lexa… that sounds like some piece of technology…” She was reminded of what she once had learned about the theoretical existence of something similar in school back on the Ark. It was referred to as a mind drive. “An attempt of humans to make a person immortal, by downloading their consciousness  on to a hard drive and passing it on to someone else after their death.” She tried to explain it as best as she could.    
  
Lexa listened and didn’t seem surprised  at all . “That’s astonishing. I have always believed the flame to be man-made, rather than divine.” She rubbed her eyes. 

“But please, never tell Titus… that I said that. In case you ever see him again.” She smiled at Clarke. 

“I can promise you that - but I’m not sure if I can remove it, Lexa. If this “flame” is really a mind drive, it may be installed into your brain somehow. It may kill you, or leave you with brain damage, seriously injured or…”    
  
“Klark.” Lexa interrupted. “Calm yourself, it is removable.” 

Clarke was obviously very concerned, since she didn’t want to cause Lexa any harm. “How?” She asked.    
  
“Listen. There is the option for a vote of no confidence - meaning a Commander must surrender the flame while still alive. This is just something that has not been done before.” 

“But won’t that kill the Commander?” Clarke asked. 

“No.” Lexa answered. “Becca Pramheda herself was the only Commander who removed  the flame  and later reclaimed it. I clearly saw this in a vision - and I also saw how it must be done.”    
  
“But I have no anesthesia… This will be painful.” Clarke replied worriedly. 

“We won’t need anesthesia, as I must be conscious when deactivating the flame. While I’m alive, only I am capable of doing this. After my death however, it would also listen to the Flamekeeper or any other person.”    
  


“Sounds like a fail-proof system, so nobody could steal it from you.” Clarke noted. 

“That’s probably the case.” Lexa said.   
  


The two of them were sitting on the sandy floor of the cottage and looked deeply into one another’s eyes for a while. Clarke was worried and her hands were cold and shaky, since she knew what Lexa asked  of her was risky.    
  
“Alright, let’s do it.” Clarke said and got up. “What do I need to do? That’s right, I need to sterilize the blade before anything else...”

“That won’t be necessary. As a Nightblood, I can’t develop an infection.” Lexa remarked.

“Yeah right… What did Titus call it again” Clarke asked.

“Incorruptibility.” Lexa explained, clearly in distaste of the scientifically inaccurate word.

“That might prevent infection, but does it also work as a painkiller?”    
  
Lexa’s brow furrows, as if she wanted to ask Clarke if she just honestly said that, and why she would come up with such ridiculous nonsense.    
  
Clarke read her expression quite well. “Sorry,  it  would have been too good to be true. So how do I remove it?” 

“You open the incision with the blade, deep enough so you can see the flame. You let me know when this is the case. After I deactivate, you take it and put it into the case. Do not touch the wires and don’t hold it in the palm of your hands for too long. Wait until it’s fully dormant before touching it. After deactivating it, I will fall unconscious for five to fifteen minutes.”   
  


“Wait what? You  will  fall unconscious?” Clarke yelled. “How do I know you will ever wake up?” 

  
“It’s a risk we must take, Klark.” Lexa sighs. She looks at Clarke, who really disliked the idea of cutting something out of the back of Lexa’s neck. 

“Look, this thing is attached to your spinal cord. What if you move? Even if you flinch a little I might….” Clarke tried to explain.

“Klark, I won’t move. I can promise you that. And I shall not die.” Lexa assured and tried to calm her. 

“Yeah alright…  I  guess you know what you are doing…” Clarke took a deep breath before taking the razor blade into her left hand, trying to calm herself when kneeling behind Lexa and shoving Picasso away. She was growling a little and gave Clarke a skeptical look.    
“Easy my friend. You can have her back once I’m done.” Clarke talks to the dog, who shifted in front of Lexa at her words.

“Are you ready?” Clarke asked nervously. “I’m ready whenever you are, Klark.” Lexa replied. 

“Can you please hold your hair  out of the way ?” Clarke requested and Lexa complied. 

“I’m cutting you now… Damn I really don’t like doing this.” Clarke clenches her teeth as she cuts through Lexa’s soft skin. To her surprise, Lexa really didn’t even flinch. Black blood immediately began to run out of the fresh cut, and down her back, staining the fabric of her clothes.

“I don’t see anything…” Clarke said when separating the incision, trying to find the object.

“You need to cut deeper. Just a little…” Lexa advised and Clarke got a hold of the blade once more, cutting through another thin layer of tissue. A small object appeared underneath Lexa’s skin. It was crystal clear with a slight shade of blue and a lamniscate symbol right in the middle. It would fit perfectly inside the encasement she had just seen. 

Holy shit, I think I have it…” Clarke called out both in surprise and relief. 

“If you think this is it, then it most probably is.” Lexa said. 

“Light blue, tiny… sparkling… like  that symbol you have inked on the back of your neck…Yeah, quite positive.” Clarke breathed. 

“Positive.” Lexa clarified when hearing Clarke’s description. “Is it fully exposed?” She asked. 

“Yes. I could just grab it if it wasn’t attached to your spinal cord.”   
  
“That’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.” Lexa felt relieved. “Now prepare yourself. Remember what I said, do not touch the wires. Put it inside the encasement once it’s fully dormant - and please Klark… make sure I don’t hit my head too badly when falling unconscious.”    
  
“I’m ready Lexa… I will catch you.” Clarke places her hand on Lexa’s shoulder. 

  
  


“Quia Nunc Vale.” Lexa calls out without warning – and the flame begins to retr act the wires from her central nervous system. Lexa starts to faint and the flame falls out of the incision. 

Clarke knew that this would happen, yet she still didn’t feel right about it. She caught Lexa successfully so she wouldn’t fall and hurt herself while unconscious. 

“Please wake up soon again… whatever you can’t hear me... “ Clarke talks more to herself than to Lexa when letting her gently slide on the floor and stabilizing her in a sideway position. 

“Better collect the flame… before it runs away… or whatever this thing is capable of doing.” She quickly reaches for the encasement and opens it. As she locates the flame on the floor next to Lexa, her first impulse was to pick it up, but then she remembered Lexa’s words and decided to poke it with the blade before. When the object didn’t move, she eventually picked it up with two fingers, didn’t hold it longer than necessary and placed it into the encasement. 

“So this is  what  a mind drive looks like…”  Clarke says, astonished about how small it was. Then she closes the case and places it into the pocket of her coat, before her focus shifts back to the still unconscious Lexa.    
  
Clarke checks her ears and nose but can’t see any blood. That’s at least a positive sign, because there was no evidence of a massive hemorrhage. When checking for Lexa’s pulse point, Clarke also feels a normal heart rate. 

The incision on her neck was still bleeding and Clarke figured it would be best to stitch it up while Lexa is still passed out. Unfortunately she didn’t bring any medical  supplies with her, but for an incision of this size, without any major blood vessels being affected, stitching would not be necessarily required. Clarke quickly cleaned the wound with water and a clean, dry cloth, until the bleeding ultimately stopped. “I wish I could  stitch that up… it’s really gonna leave a nasty scar... “ 

“It’s alright. It will heal quickly.” Lexa, who just started coming back to her senses, whispers to Clarke. 

“Lexa? Are you awake?” Clarke’s voice was trembling with joy and the  weight of the  whole world fell off of her chest when hearing her voice. 

“How long was I out?”  Lexa asks, looking around inspecting the room. 

“ I d on’t know, but definitely not longer than five minutes.” Clarke sighed when looking at Lexa, then at the dog, then at Lexa again.

Picasso had been waiting at Lexa’s side. She started wiggling happily when realizing that she was alright. 

Clarke suddenly realized that her anger faded more and more. She seems to be warming up towards Lexa. 

“Klark… May I see the flame?” Lexa asked once she was done petting the dog.    
  
“Sure.” Clarke reached for the encasement and handed it over to Lexa. She slid it open, took a careful look and closed it again.    
  
“You did well, Klark.” She lifts her gaze and looks at her. 

“Now would you please let me know why removing this thing was so important?” Clarke insisted. 

“Because now we can finally talk freely.” Lexa sighs in relief. “Everything that I experience, the flame sees too. It will never forget anything that I have seen, heard or felt.”  Lexa proceed ed to  explain.    
  
“That’s only logical, considering this is a mind drive.” Clarke comprehends. 

“The existence of my child is already engraved in the flame’s memory, and I can’t do anything about this anymore.” Lexa was suddenly scared to breathe when she began talking. “In case the abortion had been performed successfully, it would remain nothing more than a secret my successor finds out about me eventually, once the Commander’s spirit is passed on. However, if she survives… if she is born… This is so much more than a flaw of judgement on my part… She would be in danger. Especially… if my successor… is Ontari kom Azgeda.”   
  
“Lexa .  I know this was a shock for you, finding out that Nia was secretly hiding and raising a Nightblood child, but in the unlikely case that Ontari would become Commander… Why would you think  she would be a threat to your child? Don’t get me wrong I understand how ruthless and inhumane Azgeda is… but why is this a particular threat to your child? If Ontari would be commander, Nia would have everything she wants. What does it matter if you happened to have had a child at some point?”

Lexa is clenching her  eyes closed . She tries to force her tears back, swallowing heavily and trying to maintain her composure. She couldn’t speak, she couldn’t answer Clarke but she knew she had no choice in order to finally make her understand and no longer question her motives. 

“Would you care to explain why you believe this child is of such immense importance to the Queen of Azgeda? It’s not like we even have a guarantee that you, a Nightblood will give birth to another Nightblood…”Clarke places her hand on Lexa’s thigh, affirmingly stroking over the fabric of her pants. 

“Nightblood or not… It would not matter.” Lexa replied, her voice sore and cracking. 

“Just why, Lexa?” Clarke’s expression became concerned. It hurt her seeing Lexa suffer like this. She wanted nothing more than for Lexa to finally break her silence. 

“… Because my child is of her blood…” Lexa broke down crying as she finally revealed her secret. 

Clarke’s heart skipped a beat. She couldn’t comprehend at first what she just heard, but her brain immediately made the connection.

“…Roan?” Clarke forced herself to breathe as she asked the question.

“… Yes.” Lexa quietly whispered.

Clarke held her breath until the first symptoms of suffocation started to kick in. She  let the air out of her lungs with a heavy sigh.

“… Lexa… “ she pauses for a moment. “It’s not often I’m speechless…”

“Klark… I didn’t expect you to take this lightly. That’s why I…” 

“Oh come on Lexa, do you think I care? We all  have our  past s , you know? Why do you think that matters to me?” Clarke reaches for Lexa’s hand and entwines their fingers. “Let’s just say... I’m surprised by your choice… if that makes sense?” She looks at Lexa, then at the floor. 

Lexa smiles and breathes with relief at Clarke’s words. “I’m glad your heart is free of judgement.” A small tear escapes the corner of her eye. 

“It makes sense now. I didn’t understand why you would go through such extreme lengths just to hide the existence of her, but now I do.” Clarke catches her breath. “I mean… it’s none of my business but were you and Roan like…” Clarke’s words somehow got stuck in her throat as she wanted to question Lexa a little further regarding that matter. 

“Klark… I believe you misunderstand the nature of… the intimate relationship I had with him.”

“Wait, are you telling me this wasn’t consensual?” Clarke interrupted  Lexa  for a moment. “That literal son of a bitch! I’m gonna kill him!”

“Klark please hear me out!” Lexa calmed her. “He did not assault me. There was consent – even though… There is no sign of weakness in my heart for him.”

“Then why did you… Why was he…?” Clarke was nervous and she didn’t know exactly what to say. She could remember last time, when Lexa almost  got in her face.

“Let me explain this from the very beginning…” Lexa started. “The hostility of Azgeda had been known and feared for generations. We knew however that the ice queen would not be a threat to us. As much as we suffered from the mountain, it stabilized the relationship between Azgeda and the other eleven clans, united under Congeda, my coalition. They would not have declared war on us while we had a common enemy.” Lexa explains.

“After the fall of Mount Weather, there was no reason for Queen Nia not to invade Trikru and other clan’s territory any longer. Negotiations had to be made as soon as somehow possible. Titus insisted  that I would not directly negotiate with Queen Nia, because he believed I am still bitter over the death of Costia at her hands. He said it right in my face several times. If she was to walk through the door of my throne room, I would plunge my sword through her heart. I am beyond revenge, but I respected his advice and requested a representative – which turned out to be Prince Roan, Nia’s eldest son.”

Lexa paused to take a breath. She didn’t like the memories of those events. Living through them once again was hard for her. 

“He demanded we share  a third of  the harvest  with them . I told him this was impossible, since Trikru barely had enough harvest to sustain itself. So I offered him that Azgeda may expand their border to the south – have Azgeda farmers reside in the uninhabited areas and cultivate crops for their own use. I was very well aware that scarcity was the fault of Queen Nia. She demanded her people to provide the royal family with more than was actually needed. 

I knew Roan wanted to put an end to this, he always talked about reformations if he ever had the chance to become King. He is not like his mother and actually cares about his people.    
That’s why he accepted the deal and promised to sign the peace treaty in his own blood. But that was not all…” Lexa paused once more. 

“Roan promised Azgeda would join the coalition… Under the condition that...

Clarke sighed and interrupted Lexa. “Oh my God… please, he didn’t…” as she looked up to the roof, exasperated.

“Klark I care about my people. I have seen death and the most horrible acts committed by mankind’s hand at an age where I wasn’t even capable of comprehension. All I ever wanted to achieve was peace – unity among the twelve clans. No more war and bloodshed. A future where our children could flourish, without the shadow of death. I’m tired of seeing my people live in fear. Yet defending peace is just as hard as fighting a war – because Azgeda’s hostility made peaceful negotiations almost impossible… Until this point. There was Roan sitting on the other side of the table. I must admit, I had been aware of his weakness for me. I wouldn’t know he’d go this far, but he proposed a deal. Azgeda joins the Coalition if I allow him in my bed.”

“And you made this decision with your head and not your heart… I get it.” Clarke started to cry. “How could he do this to you?” 

“I hold no bitterness against his actions. He never hurt me and was very considerate. Besides, he did not know any better.” Lexa tried to calm Clarke down, despite her own pain  at reliving the memory.

Clarke reaches out for Lexa’s hand. She gives it a gentle squeeze, rubbing over it’s back with her thumb repeatedly.

“Lexa… please rest assured that I will never see Azgeda, Queen Nia, or Roan whenever I look at your child. She’s your flesh and blood. You are her mother, but I understand that you can’t raise her.”

Clarke gets up and stands before Lexa. She looks into her eyes, then she lowers her gaze before she bows – then kneels.

“My Commander. I swear this oath. The child you carry under your heart will be safe with me, if you choose to entrust me with her. I will protect her with my life, love her forever, teach her with all my knowledge and shall raise her as my own..”

“Then it’s decided, Klark kom Skaikru.”  A c rying Lexa takes Clarke’s hand and gives her the gesture to rise. “I entrust you with my child once she’s born.” She whispers

“Maybe someday, you and I  will  owe nothing more to our people.” Clarke responds

“Klark… I considered choosing freedom. A life with you. To raise this child together – but this will always be a dream. One I can’t achieve in this life. War is brewing, and our people will never be free if I just throw it all away. Being absent for a six months period is already hard enough, but I could not leave forever. My place is in Polis, I was born to be a leader. I knew this much when the flame chose me.” Lexa’s heart is breaking  as  tea rs run down her  cheeks . 

“Promise me to stay with Luna and her clan… In the city of light.  My child must never leave this place. And once she’s born… I will never see her again… And I will never see you again.” 

“Lexa no I… I can’t accept that…” Clarke broke down in tears as well. 

“I’m sorry but you have to bear all burdens of your choice. This is the sacrifice both you and I have to make so this child can live.” 

“This is so wrong…” Clarke continues to cry. 

“Natblida are either dead - or Heda. I do what I must to survive.” Lexa coldly replies. 

“I know Lexa.” Clarke felt defeated. 


	6. Chapter 6

They left their hideout in the morning, heading south –  to  the shore which was supposed to be the meeting point for the Floukru guards.

They didn’t have many supplies left and took only as much as they could carry in their bags, since the last part of the journey wouldn’t take more than approximately an hour. They left the chart and just took Picasso with them. When Lexa return ed  to Polis later, she would  collect it and return it to Niyla h . Someday… In the foreseeable future.

Clarke still remembers Lexa’s words from last night and  she  still couldn’t believe it. At least she  had come to terms with it. She could no longer hate Lexa. Maybe there are certain things she could not yet and may never forgive, but Clarke also realized that people - and the world as a whole might not be as idealistic as she wishes them to be. She didn’t want to surrender her dreams just yet and would still sometimes imagine a future together with Lexa – but th at was a goal that might still be an unrealistic one, considering that the world may not be ready to live without  Lexa as Commander. At least this would mean she had a special place in her heart and they might have at least a beautiful few months together. She realized that Lexa had given her the most precious and valuable gift known to humankind.  Lexa would  entrust  Clarke with her child. This would mean another identity is going to await her soon and she needed to prepare for it. 

Clarke wasn’t the kind of person who was set on a forever relationship. She knew that every bond between lovers may just be temporary, she knew this much when she was with Finn, that they would probably not grow old together. She saw that even between her parents it didn’t work out anymore after a few years. Maybe intimate relationships weren’t meant to last forever after all, and if they did, it may be just for a few lucky ones. 

_   
_ The bond between a mother and a child however was different. Clarke remembered that her mother hadn’t always been ideal, and she swore to herself  that  she would do things better. As a promise to Lexa and to herself as well. She really was going to become a mother - the mother of Lexa’s child nonetheless. Maybe this was the closest she could ever be with her. 

Clarke looks at the branches of the trees and the fog rising up from the beach, which gets closer and closer with each step they take. “Can you hear that?” She asked Lexa as the sound of the crashing waves against the shore became louder as they approached.

“You mean the waves?” Lexa turned around. She hasn’t spoken much since her revelation last night, she seemed to avoid Clarke and her eyes indicate d that she hadn’t slept well. 

“Yes. We are close.” She confirms. 

Suddenly Picasso started running –  it was as if the dog knew they reached the end of the forest. And there it was. A perfect beach, a long coast, stretching itself across the landscape. White sand and a salty, cold breeze of the Atlantic ocean was greeting the two, or actually three of them.

“Looks like we made it.” Clarke sighed.

“Now  look out for a circle of stones.” Lexa commanded, seemingly excited, yet sorrowful about what was going to await them. “Take your shoes off.” Lexa turns around.

“Are you insane? It’s cold!” Clarke laughed.

“Klark, you can’t walk on sand with boots. What if the tide surprises you?”

“You’re probably right, it’s going to be a soggy disaster.” Clarke replied.

They walked along the beach, searching for several hours – but they couldn’t find anything that resembles a circle of stones. They started getting hungry and their water supply would soon be used up.

“Lexa, I really don’t think there is a circle of stone.. or any beach guards or a ferryman anywhere near… and honestly… Nothing here looks like a city of light or a hidden clan somewhere on the ocean. 

“You lack patience Klark. Maybe something is right before our eyes and we just don’t see it.” Lexa pointed at a bunch of white stones, but it was not a circle of stones.

“Wait a second… aren’t those… the stones that spark, and if you hit them long enough can ignite a fire?” Clarke recognized the mineral.

“Yes Klark. We need to make a fire, but it has to be within the circle of stones.” Lexa explained. 

“Well, then just grab a few stones and make a circle.” Clarke insisted. 

“It’s pointless, Klark. The stones are wet. We can’t get them to spark enough to ignite.”    
  
“What did you bring candles and matches for?” Clarke shook her head and she was wondering why Lexa would think so complicated sometimes. “We just need to gather a bit of scrap wood, and then we can make our campfire. I don’t think Luna and her people care if it was stones or matches which start the fire .”

“I told you before that it takes as long as it takes and you are impatient, Klark.” It felt like Lexa wanted to start arguing again. Clarke was about to burst. She rolled her eyes and already prepared to shout when Lexa suddenly added - “However, I do agree with you. We should not bother with wet firestones.”

Clarke smiles. She was wondering if Lexa had a sense of humor after all. 

They returned from the forest once they were able to gather enough dry scrap wood, that would be enough for a small campfire. It was easily set ablaze with the help of Lexa’s candle. Clarke already pictured inside of her head how Lexa would be bitter about sacrificing this precious little piece of wax, but after all it was for the greater good.

“Now we have to find a solid branch of the wildfire pine.” Lexa smiled with contentment at the sight of the bright and shiny campfire and the scent of burning wood.  It seems they have done everything right so far.

Lexa walked towards the forest, which consisted of mostly evergreen pine needle trees. She was inspecting the branches very carefully, to pick the right kind. Lexa has knowledge of the local vegetation, however some of the pines can look quite similar. 

She didn’t find what she was looking for in the first two trees - however the third one she evaluated, seemed to be a wildfire pine indeed.    
  


“This one!” She calls out and picks a few small branches. She walks back to the campfire and throws them in. They caused green sparks inside the naturally orange colored flame, but it was not enough to turn the whole fire green.

“What was that? I have never seen green fire before!” Clarke calls out. 

“You need to help me pick more of these.” Lexa asked and she went back to the pine tree with Clarke. They picked as many needles as they could carry, luckily wildfire trees aren’t particularly stingy.    
  


They walked back and threw them into the flames at once - then  the fire  spark ed into a bright emerald green.    
  
“Wow, this is fascinating.” Clarke said, staring at the fire in awe. She walked closer towards Lexa and took her hand, entwining their fingers. 

“Now let’s see what happens…” Lexa looked at her with a smile on her face, before  lookin g around for Picasso. The dog was nowhere to be found at first - maybe she ran away because she was scared of the flames? When suddenly she came running back, her fur soaking wet - from the water’s direction.

A short distance behind her, two shadowy creatures, obviously human, emerged from the water. 

“Klark there!” Lexa calls out as her hand instinctively grabs her sword. She was alert. 

“We mean you no harm and come in peace!” She called out, the grip of her hand slowly relaxing. Clarke held her hands up, implying that they were about to surrender.

The creatures came closer and it became apparent th ey were merely men, wearing face masks with a large windpipe attached to them, as well as black waterproof suits  made out of a rubber-like material. 

As they came face to face with the two women, they took their masks off, revealing their faces and began to speak. 

“You knew how to signal us. This is why we assume you are seeking refuge with the hidden boat people.” The slender young man who appears to be in charge said. 

“Yes, we seek refuge.” Clarke responded.

“Then why do you carry weapons?” The young man asked.

“To defend ourselves if necessary. We travelled from Polis, and were uncertain if we  would encounter Azgeda troops.” Lexa responded.

“Hand them over right now. You are safe and will no longer need any weapons.” He ordered. 

“I will not abandon all defense to someone I don’t even know the name of.” Lexa replied. 

“I’m Derek of the hidden boat people. Now tell me your name.” 

“Your leader will know my name.” Lexa replied. “Please take me to her. Promise me that and I shall surrender my weapon.”

Derek scrutinized the women very closely - and noticed dried black blood in Lexa’s hair. He reaches out to touch it for closer evaluation, but Lexa slapped him away. 

“Why do you try to touch me?” She calls out. 

“I have seen enough. You are like her.” He said. This is only when Lexa noticed there was in fact dried blood in her hair. She immediately felt relieved since she was absolutely certain he meant Luna, with his previous statement. 

“I shall bring you to her. But you have to drink this, we can’t reveal our secret location to anybody, not even refugees.” He opened his rubber suit, revealing that he had a coat underneath, He took out a small, unwrapped it and revealed several tiny glass vials, which appeared to have been of medical use at some point. 

“In this case, I prefer a blindfold,” Lexa replied. “Please understand that I can under no circumstance consume this drug.”

“She is right.” Clarke replied. “I will gladly, but please don’t force her to drink it.”

“Why do you insist? That’s suspicious.” Derek asked.

“I carry life within me.” Lexa explained. “This is the reason why I seek out refuge with your clan. Not for myself, but for my child.” 

“Impossible! You are Natblida!” Derek shouted. 

“I’m telling the truth. I have no explanation for this either…” Lexa’s expression became desperate. 

“If you know this much about Natblida… you know that this child is not safe. This is why she must live with your clan.”

“We need to speak. Give us a moment.” Derek and the other man turned away to discuss, while Clarke turned towards Lexa. 

“What does he mean? What is impossible, because you are Natblida?” She asks. 

“I will explain this in due time... “ Lexa quickly brushed her off, since she saw the men were done talking. 

“Guys? I don’t understand what is the issue here!” Clarke yells at the two men. 

Derek turns around and faces Clarke. 

“We have decided not to disregard your request, even if we can’t be certain and have legitimate doubts in terms of your honesty. We shall let our leader decide if she is willing to grant you safe passage, since I cannot, and  will not  decide this.You may  use a blindfold - however she must take the sedative. Unless she is also…”    
  
“Oh no don’t worry, I don’t have… a child. Well, I shall have hers but… long story.” Clarke replied and  blushes  slightly 

Without another word, Derek handed Clarke the substance. She cracked it open, drank it and immediately fainted. Lexa reaches out and catches her as she falls before letting her gently slide onto the sand. Shocked by how fast the sedative worked, she faces the men with an angry glare. 

“I take it the dog won’t have to swallow?” Lexa snarled angrily as she held a sleeping Clarke in her hands. 

“The dog won’t need a blindfold either.” Derek replied. 

The journey  on  the boat took longer than Lexa would have imagined. She lost every possible sense of time, growing seemingly more sea sick with every passing minute. She clings onto Picasso, who was of course nervous as well. 

Lexa  thought she needed to throw up but there was simply nothing left in her stomach. “I’m thirsty.” She whispered. Derek immediately handed her a canteen with water. Lexa almost instantly emptied it, but she left some for Picasso.    
  
“What are you  doing …” Derek began to ask when watching Lexa pour water into her hand, but then stopped when he saw Picasso was slobbering it off in no time.

“Sharing water with my dog…” Lexa answered. She was about to drift off into sleep, when the man suddenly called out “brace yourself, we’re docking.” And the n the boat was ramming against something. Lexa was glad that the man called out and warned her, since it was quite a heavy landing. She thought for a moment the boat would shatter into pieces, almost knocking her over. 

  
  


“You may take off the blindfold.” He instructed her. Lexa did as he said and her eyes were stung by light, even if it was already quite dark outside. She blinked a few times until her vision adjusted. Clarke was still asleep. 

“Go into the container, there you shall be picked up and brought before our leader.” Lexa got out of the boat first. She almost fell, because walking on stable ground again proved difficult after a journey on the ocean waves. Picasso followed and had a little less trouble standing.    
  
Then the men were carrying Clarke and placed her on the floor, inside the big, metal container. 

Lexa sat down next to her, waiting for someone from the clan to return and take them before their leader .  Lexa reminded herself that this is how Clarke must have felt when she was passed out after removing the flame. Now the ir roles were reversed. 

As  Lexa sat there, waiting for Clarke to regain consciousness, she suddenly became aware of a distant female voice. One that sounded oddly familiar, but  one that  she hasn’t really heard in a long time. She was uncertain about who this voice may belong to - but the only logical conclusion was that it must belong to Luna. 

Lexa was listening carefully. She could make out fragments of a conversation. 

“And she just requested you not put her to sleep? You seriously abided by it?” The woman’s voice was echoing through what appeared to be a hangar, a container building of some sorts. 

“She said that she carried life within her, so I wanted to make sure to not cause any harm  to the unborn child . They otherwise cooperated, handed me their belongings, especially the ir weapons.” Lexa was able to identify the voice of Derek, the man who brought them here. 

“I guess we have to figure it out.” Said the woman. “Open the lid and brace yourself!” she ordered - and the door of the container flung open with a loud rusty crackling noise. 

The last red beams of the setting sun peeked through the opening door, revealing a pretty and slender young woman with sun bleached black, long and curly hair, dressed in typical grounder attire, yet a little bit different than the clothes of a soldier. Derek and another man were standing  either side of  her  and  all three were armed. 

The young Grounder woman walks a few steps  further into the container. The sun had been blinding her and she could not see the faces of the women sitting in front of her. 

Lexa lets Clarke’s head, which she was cradling until this moment gently slide onto the floor.    
She rises in front of the other Grounder woman, who was terrified when her eyes locked onto Lexa’s uniquely beautiful and extremely well defined side profile - which  as she  slowly turned, reveal ed her distinct green eyes.  Lexa looks at the other woman and speaks for the first time. Her voice was quiet and soft, yet piercing through the silence that was only broken by the sound of the ocean’s waves.

“Hello Luna.” 

“DRAW YOUR SWORDS!!!” The Grounder woman screamed, jumping back in utter panic and horror at the sight of her estranged childhood friend.

“Do you have the faintest idea who this woman IS?”  Luna cried out. “This is Lexa kom Trikru, otherwise known as Heda. You idiots brought the Commander right  to  my door and believed her ridiculous lie!

“Luna… I surrendered the flame. That means I’m currently a traitor to the blood, to the throne… just like you. Have a look, it’s inside the pocket of the coat you took from me.” Lexa revealed to  Luna . 

“You will snap my neck if I approach you. I know what you are capable of…” Luna walks closer towards Lexa, but she is still hesitant to lower her sword.

“I won’t… Luna please… What threat am I to you unarmed?”

“I know you. I know how you fight. You’re deadly, even without a weapon. Everybody letting their guard down within a five foot range of you is practically dead. So I shall keep my safe distance - and my sword.” Luna’s voice crackles. She was obviously heartbroken, angry. 

“Luna…” Lexa tried to reason. “I sense no fear within you. Instead I sense anger, bitterness. I believe you don’t fear me. I believe you still resent me. I won’t ask for forgiveness. This is not why I was seeking you.” 

Luna finally lowers her sword. She looks at Clarke who was still lying unconscious on the floor, then at the dog and then at Lexa again.

“You betrayed and abandoned me…” Luna spoke as she remembered the events at their conclave. “Do you remember?” She asked.

“How could I have forgotten?” Lexa replied as she remembered herself.

_ “Please don’t do this…” Luna desperately stared at Lexa. “You… You promised me we would run away together, lead our own clan and reclaim our life! Wasn’t it you all along who cried  _ _ ab _ _ out how much the flame enslaves us? That it was supposed to be the property of all Nightbloods and that humankind was supposed to live in unity - equal and without the necessity of a Commander to be worshipped?”  _

_ “Yes I said those words, and I still stand by them. However, the people aren’t ready for a world without Heda. We  _ _ will  _ _ achieve the  _ _ best we can _ _ , if one of us sacrifices freedom and claims the flame. This is the  _ _ best  _ _ we can do for our people.” The two girls stand eye to eye, black blood soaking their fragile bodies, since both of them have slain fellow Nightblood novitiates before, making them the only ones left standing.  _

_ They were supposed to stand with pride and honor, yet their expressions were that of broken souls.  _

_ “I will not sacrifice my dream of a free and peaceful world!” Luna screams in anger.  _

_ “Then it’s decided. I shall ascend.” Lexa almost crumbles at the thought of this heavy burden laying ahead of her, at such a young age. _

_ “Run Luna.” She whispers when her hand clings to her sword, ready to strike but not wanting to. _

_ “Lexa… This is betrayal!“ Luna shakes her head.  _

_ “You can still choose to fight me. Compete for the flame.” Lexa replied.  _

_ “We both know how that would end. We both know I would win. But I don’t want to.” Luna answered.  _

_ “Then I ask you for the last time. Run. Choose life. Or we will have no other choice but to fight. Let me bear it so you won’t have to - or kill me and bear it yourself.” Lexa declared.  _

_ Luna walks away and out of Lexa’s sight… “I won’t slay you tonight, Lexa. But if our paths shall cross one more time throughout this life… I won’t hold back.” _

_ “Promise me to stay alive…” Lexa whispers as she turns around to find Luna has already ran away…  _

“I take it that you won’t keep your promise after all?” Lexa asked. 

Luna lets her sword drop to the floor. “Couldn’t kill you then. Can’t kill you now.” 

Lexa smiled. “You wouldn’t stand a chance anyway. I’m glad you cho se to live.” 

“Oh shut up Lexa!” Luna ranted before closing the gap between them - and embraced Lexa, who immediately returned the gesture. 

Clarke slowly began to open her eyes. The image of the two Natblida embracing one another was the first  thing  she saw. She comes to her senses, still dizzy and with a throbbing headache. She tried to get up, but struggled. Lexa noticed and walked towards her, offering help. 

“Klark, how are you?” Lexa asked worriedly. 

“Miserable... “ Clarke replied. “What did you give me?” 

“Please introduce yourself first.” Luna demanded, and Clarke just stared at her wordlessly. 

“Clarke Griffin of Skaikru.” She replied eventually. 

“Otherwise known as Wanheda?” Luna’s brow furrows “I heard Wanheda had golden hair?” And then she realized that the black-reddish hair of the young woman must be dyed with something - and she’d rather not know what that was. 

“This is why asylum seekers are put to sleep. We don’t want the enemy to remember the path that leads to safe passage. Otherwise, someday we shall expect the Commander of blood in front of our doors, turning the ocean to red - and the Commander of death ensuring the destruction of what’s left from our souls.” 

“Luna…” Clarke replied, not entirely sure if Luna meant that seriously just now. “We aren’t here to bring death and destruction - but life.” She looks into the direction of Lexa’s belly. 

Luna scrutinizes Lexa. Her brow furrows and it was apparent her mind came to a conclusion. 

“Lexa…” She breathed. “So that really is your motive for seeking refuge? It wasn’t a lie after all?” 

“I have no explanation for it, Luna… But it’s the truth.” Lexa places her hand on her belly and sighs. “This is indeed why we came to ask for safe passage.” 

“I was just about to send you back to the shore without further questions… but if what you say is indeed true - Lexa you know this child is a miracle and I shall gladly permit  you  safe passage.” 

“Thank you, Luna.” 


	7. Chapter 7

“The summit is cancelled.” Titus announced as he entered the throne room, finding a seemingly nervous and sleep deprived Abby Griffin and an annoyed Marcus Kane. 

“May we ask why?” Kane questioned, while Abby was rubbing her eyes, not quite so sure whether or not she actually heard  Titus correctly . 

“Heda is absent. There were matters in need of her attention, urgently. I’m afraid this is the only information I may provide you with at this moment.” Titus was obviously lying right through his teeth. “You are dismissed.” 

“Excuse me, we’ve been traveling here, preparing ourselves for this very important meeting, and now Lexa is just not...here? Do you realize what this means for the people of Arcadia?” Kane tried to explain desperately. 

“We are aware, yet there is nothing to be done about this. We shall send messengers to the other clan leaders as there will be a gathering held within the next few days. You may reside in Polis until  then  but for now please accept my dismissal.” 

Titus’ s last words before two guards escorted the Skaikru leaders out of the throne room, were definitive. Abby nervously kneaded her cold hands as she walked to their quarters together with Kane. 

When they locked the door behind themselves, checking once more if the guards had truly left before starting conversation, Abby let out a heavy sigh. She was obviously worried sick and on top of that, too tired to think straight. 

“You have been beating yourself up over this summit way too much, and now it turns out Lexa had better things to do anyway.” Kane snarled. 

“Marcus please let me try to explain… Oh gosh at this rate I’m going to be literally too tired to sleep.” She proceeds. Kane listened carefully.

“Much has happened during the past few days… Things you don’t know of. I haven’t told you because I promised not to. I have legitimate concerns that something serious may have happened to Clarke and Lexa. They snuck out in the early morning hours that day… alone…” 

Kane’s brow furrows as he listens to Abby’s words. She  wasn’t  ma king much sense to him. He believed that  it was just the sleep deprivation mak ing her talk nonsense.

“Abby? Are you alright? What are you talking about? They snuck out  of where exactly?” 

“See, I’m not even making sense anymore. They snuck out of Arcadia. Obviously.” Abby made it clear that she wasn’t going crazy over the lack of sleep, just that her mind was a little scattered to form a proper sentence.

“Abby, you really need to rest. Lexa  was  never in Arcadia, and Clarke was  already  with her in Polis before we eventually left.” He walks over towards Abby, his eyes searching hers. “I remember how thrilled you were when the news reached us that she was alive and well. You wanted to come and get her immediately - and then we heard of the negotiations and…” 

“I know this much!” Abby interrupts him. “I also am aware of what you believe.” She pauses again. “That’s because I worked quite hard to keep this a secret. But now… I think it’s not really possible to keep it anymore.” Abby sighs, her face expresses guilt for she is about to break her vow.

“I’m sorry but the life and safety of my daughter is at stake now.” Abby proceeds to explain the events of the past days. The actual reasons why she didn’t sleep, Clarke’s suspicion of a biochemical weapon which turned out to be false - and Lexa’s pregnancy, including the failed abortion. Kane just sat there and couldn’t believe what he was just listening to. When Abby was done talking, he was literally left speechless and needed a few moments to process the information. 

“Alright. It seems the situation is worse than I anticipated.” He eventually replied after a while. “To me it’s quite obvious… Queen Nia has them.  The  question is whether or not they are alive as we speak.” He sighs and gazes back at Abby. “I really pray this is the case.”

“ However, if Azgeda really believes we were working on a biochemical weapon of some sorts, then we may never reach an agreement.” He expressed his concerns further.

“Well, she’s not the type of person to be reasoned with, and if she really has the girls, she’s obviously downright  evil . Looks like she won’t disregard the conspiracy theory no matter what.” Abby replied.

“What if we tell her about Lexa’s true intentions to seek your help? What would we lose?” Kane asked.

“I thought about this as well, however Lexa seemed irrationally scared about Queen Nia ever finding out about the baby. I couldn’t figure out why this was the case and  I did  not ask  Lexa either , I just didn’t think it was any of my business.” Abby explained. 

“She begged me to not reveal her secret, even if it costs me my life. I bet my head would be rolling if she knew what I just told you....”

“Well, I doubt Lexa is still the kind of person who takes heads these days.” Marcus laughed.

“Oh never ever question the ruthlessness of the Commander!” Abby rolled her eyes ironically. “You know, she cares about her reputation…it’s important… to teenagers.” 

“If  Lexa was this afraid of the ice queen,  then  she  must have had  her reasons.” Kane’s brow furrows. 

“ Not a word to anybody, especially not the bald guy.” Abby made herself clear.

“You mean the priest guy?” Kane asked.

“Yes, that one. I don’t like him, he’s suspicious.” Abby didn’t hide the fact she doesn’t like Titus very much. 

“At first I thought he was that sort of father figure to Lexa, but he seems to be controlling her somehow. She didn’t trust him, that much I figured out… But well, she didn’t trust Clarke either… She’s somehow a mystery to me, always was. Just like… I have no clue what she’s up to. Or if she’s even up to something… I don’t know I need to sleep.” Abby rubbed her eyes again and had a hard time to keep them open.

“I thought about something.” Kane suddenly seems to feel the need of throwing in an idea. 

Abby listened.

“If Nia turns out to believe in the biochemical weapon and may not step down from the conspiracy theory, we might use this to our advantage. We might use her fear as scare tactics to intimidate Azgeda enough as to not provoke a confrontation.” He suggests.

“Then we have to make sure she’ll never find out that said weapon in fact doesn’t exist. Or I need to invent it somehow like… last minute.” Abby hints that the idea wasn’t even the worst option to consider. “It’s still risky and it might have the adverse effect.” 

“I think we have no other choice but to take that risk. If she were to find out we are defenseless, she’s going to send her troops to Arcadia right away - and I will defend our home, whatever it takes.”  Kane was determined.

“I strongly feel the same.” Abby agrees. “And I hope we can still save our girls.” 

“I’m really sorry you have to go through this with your daughter.” Kane doesn’t exactly know what to say, or how to approach Abby regarding this matter. “I just know… If Lexa  doesn’t  return… or might even be dead - There  will be another conclave and one of the Nightblood children will ascend to be Commander, right?” 

“Yes but I’m not sure how that exactly works. The biggest concern is that there is a Nightblood girl from Azgeda. God forbid this child become s Commander…” Abby replies

“This is why I believe it’s only plausible to assume Queen Nia planned this all along. She must have captured them somehow, so she could get her own Nightblood to become Commander - through the backdoor .” 

***

“We cannot initiate the holy conclave, because Lexa’s deceased body has not yet been located.” Titus nervously walked up and down inside of the chapel. Behind the altar, right in front of the mural of the first Commander - stood no other than Queen Nia herself. Her long, grey hair had been combed nicely underneath her crown of bones. Her warpaint and scarification gave her a fearsome appearance - one that she was so notoriously known for. 

“And why is this so important, my dear?” She questioned the Flamekeeper, and her question almost sounded like an impatient interrogation. 

“She still bears the flame, the spirit of the Commander. A Natblida cannot ascend without possessing it. They would be nothing but a fraud.” Titus clarified. 

“You are speaking of this as if it was a relic.” Nia takes off her crown, holding it in the palms of her hand and tracing the lines with her fingertips. “An object just like this. Handed down from generation to generation.” She places it back on her head again. “Is that so, my dear?” 

“As a matter of fact, it is.” Titus confirmed her suspicion. “Nia, I urge you… If you have anything to do with the disappearance of the Commander, you must now tell me where she is. I do not care about Lexa, my duty is the protection of the flame, ensuring it  is handed down to her rightful successor. This is the only purpose in life I have. So if you killed her, please hand her body over to me so that it is done, what has to be.” Titus desperately explained. 

“What a shame.” Nia laughed with an evil glare. “I wish her blood was on my hands now that I know this interesting fact - but unfortunately I have no idea where she, or her fragile pale bones are laying.” 

She lifts her head and gazes at the blurry, dirty window of the chapel, noticing something - or rather someone behind it. Suddenly whatever or whoever it may have been, disappeared. As the running footsteps started echoing through the night it became apparent to Nia  that it must indeed have been a person. 

“Someone was watching us.” She remarked. 

“I  also  saw  them … And I believe  I know who it was. I shall teach him a lesson. This is not the time to sneak around noisily. Especially not for Natblida.” Titus answered. 

“He shall soon be dead anyway, since you and I both know who will be the next Commander, my dear.” 

“Yes, my dear.” Titus walks towards the evil queen… 

***

“Gaia are you there? Please let me in…” Aden knocks at the door of the young Flamekeeper Novitiate. 

“Gaia please this is not a prank, wake up!” He tries not to  be very loud , but  just loud enough for the older girl to  hear him. He feels relieved when the door opens from the other side, revealing a sleepy young woman with gorgeously braided hair. 

“Aden, what are you doing here at this time?” She scolds the boy, her mellow voice a little elevated due to her anger about being woken up at this hour. 

“I need to speak with you - and I don’t know where to begin... “ The sad and desperate boy started, but immediately got to the point. 

“Lexa is missing.” 

“I’m not a fool, Aden. I have noticed she’s absent. Titus has  been  behaving erratically throughout the past few days, but he didn’t speak with me about this issue.” Gaia replied. “As a Natblida, you were so much closer to her than I was, is there anything you know? Do you want to tell me, and how am I supposed to help you?” Gaia questioned.

“I really don’t know anything. Definitely not more than you do… I mean… Lexa loves us, but we couldn’t exactly form a bond with her either. Titus always prevented us from getting too close… because it would make us weak. However… I know your mother is a warrior. Do you speak with her frequently? Isn’t she one of her most trusted Generals?” Aden concluded.

Gaia sighed. “To be honest with you, the relationship between my mother and me was always difficult. She never fully accepted that I did not want to choose the path of the warrior, and turned to a spiritual life instead. I can request to speak with her, but what am I going to say? Officially, I haven’t heard of Heda’s absence yet… And I suppose you want me to keep your secret?” 

“Yes, I would be getting in trouble if Titus knew I was seeking you.” Aden replied.

“Which makes me wonder… He is not here. If he were, we would have noticed him sneaking around at least twice already by now.” Gaia noticed. 

“This is also one of the reasons I needed to speak with you. Please don’t trust him, he’s in the chapel with the Queen of Azgeda.” Aden leaned forward and whispered into the older girl’s ear. 

“Alright Aden, to bed with you. I’m not in the mood for a prank right now.” Gaia rolled her eyes. 

“Wait Gaia no! I’m telling the truth!” Aden defends himself. 

Gaia scrutinized him carefully. He looked back into her eyes with a rather serious gaze, unusual for the young Nightblood. 

“You are serious?”

“Yes of course I am!” Aden replied angrily. 

“This is something I would have never expected. I’m shocked, however I’m grateful you told me. Indeed this means the Flamekeeper may be corrupt and can’t be trusted.” Gaia’s brow furrows and she’s nervously shifting from one foot to the other. 

“Can’t we have a vote of no confidence? I mean he can’t be the Flamekeeper anymore.” Aden suggested. 

“Unfortunately… that works only for Commanders. A Flamekeeper will remain on duty until his last breath.” Gaia explained. 

“Then I hope he trips over the rug and breaks his neck.” Aden curses. 

“Shh… don’t let him hear that.” Gaia couldn’t fully suppress her giggles at Aden’s remark. 

“I should leave, he could be back any moment.” Aden said.

“Reshop.” Gaia opened the door. 

“Reshop.” Aden replied when he walked out and disappeared into the darkness, aware of the fact that he had been entrusting Gaia with his secret, praying that her mother might be able to find out something about Lexa’s possible whereabouts.

The next morning right after breakfast, she would seek out her mother. Gaia doesn’t know where to locate her exactly, if she might even be out of Polis  on some battlefield. War was brewing and Azgeda started marching, so it wasn’t impossible after all. She also wouldn’t want to ask Titus, as she remembers Aden’s words. If he was indeed corrupt, she could not afford to trust him. As she walks down the corridor of the tower, making her way to the quarters of the generals, a shadowy figure approaches her from behind. 

Gaia tries to ignore her at first, not even thinking much of it - then she stops right in the middle of the hallway and turns around, as it appeared somewhat scary to her.

“Did you get lost?” A female voice shouts into her direction. “This is a quarter for warriors and you don’t look as if you could fight.” 

Gaia stands still as the other girl approaches her, walking around scrutinizing - and eventually coming to stand in front of her. Gaia takes a careful look at the unfamiliar young woman. She’s dressed in black warrior’s attire - black hair, tanned skin and - scarification! 

“You’re Azgeda!” Gaia calls out in shock and horror. 

“Certainly.” The girl replied. “And you are my handmaiden?” 

Gaia was shocked at the audacity of the rude Azgeda girl. “I’m actually the Flamekeeper’s novitiate.” She replied. 

“Then you should practice addressing me as Heda.” The girl smirks with an insane expression on her face - before she gets a blow  to the head  from the side, knocking her over. 

“Don’t get cocky , you reeking little meatsack.” Anya appeared out of the side corridor, revealing herself to have delivered the punch. 

“First of all, you are a guest here.” Anya walks over and drags the girl up on her feet again. 

“Second of all, as a guest you are not allowed to carry weapons.” She seizes the girl’s sword and slowly reaches  for  her belt, the inside of her jacket, her wristbands and eventually even her boots - pulling out  a dagger  one  after the other, tossing them onto the floor dramatically. 

“And last but not least - The Commander’s name is Lexa kom Trikru.”  Anya snarls before throwing the girl away from her. She hits the floor with a loud and rough rumble. 

“Get lost Ontari.”  Anya eventually tells her, and the girl does so with a grumpy expression on her face. 

Ontari gets up again and gives Anya an evil glare  then she walks out of sight. 

Anya then faces Gaia, making sure she was alright at first. 

“Don’t worry. Tris and I are keeping an eye on her.” Anya affirms to Gaia as soon as Ontari has walked out of sight. “Anyway, what are you doing here? It’s rare for you to be around this area.” Anya asked.

“I was looking for my mother, but I feared she might not be here.” Gaia speaks to Anya. 

“Any particular request?” Anya replies. 

“You probably figured it out by now.” Gaia lowers her gaze, trying not to speak too loud ly . “Lexa is missing.” 

“We know.” Anya confirms. “The Natblida are getting concerned and the Flamekeeper may be corrupt.” 

“Wait, how do you know?” Gaia asked, surprised, since it had only been last night when Aden told her to keep his secrets. 

“Who do you think you’re dealing with? Do not ever underestimate the bond I have with Lexa. I’ve sensed that something wasn’t right with her ever since she returned from the Mountain. Now she went missing. That can’t be a coincidence. Your mother and I were arguing whether it was Skaikru or Azgeda who may be responsible for her disappearance. Then we discovered Titus was consorting with the Queen of Azgeda. We didn’t know if we could trust you. As a Flamekeeper novitiate, you are close to Titus.” 

“Anya, trust me I didn’t know. I just found out about all of this mess last night.” Gaia tried to explain. 

“We meet at noon. These coordinates.” Anya passes a small paper note to Gaia, who takes it with a  brief  nod and then walks back to her own quarters. 

Gaia knew those were going to be a few anxious hours with Ontari lurking around, and the Queen residing in Polis was more or less of an open secret now at this point. 

When the time was right, she made her way to the coordinates Anya had just previously given to her. She double checked the area around herself, still insecure about whether or not Ontari may be following her. She remembers what Anya promised, that Tris would be watching her - still the feeling was uneasy as she herself possessed merely basic combat skills and was no match for the Nightblood of Azgeda. 

Gaia finally reached her destination at the abandoned shopping mall, entering the building which she knew  was the Natblida's secret hideout. 

She walks down the steps and opens the door to find Anya, her mother, Octavia kom Skaikru - and Abby kom Skaikru. 

“Mom!” She calls out in relief, jumping at her and wrapping her arms around Indra. “I thought this hideout was only known to Natblida?” She asked , confused.

Anya was obviously grumpy. She  took issue with the fact that it was the Skaikru healer who suggested this place as a meeting point. While she herself, who claims to be this immensely close to Lexa, had never heard of it before. 

“Please have a seat, Gaia.” Abby asked her, seemingly nervous. 

Gaia sat down on the couch. 

“Looks like everybody is finally here.” Octavia stated, strangely focused and calm despite the dire situation. 

“Then let’s begin.” Anya grunts. 

Abby is looking around inside the room, carefully scrutinizing the faces of the other women, especially the two older ones. 

“I’m curious about what you have to say in your defense, Abby. As you know, my brother saw you with the Commander five days ago.” Octavia states. Anya glares at Abby. 

“Octavia, if I would know where Lexa is, I would gladly tell you. Do I need to remind you that Clarke is missing as well? They both went missing together. I really don’t know more than that.” 

“How did they go missing? When?” Indra asked. 

Abby sighs and she takes a deep breath. She rehearses the words inside her head, carefully considering what to say, what to give away and not accidentally raise wrongful suspicions. 

“Listen carefully and hear me out.” She begins. The other women focus on her, listening carefully. 

“Four nights ago… Lexa came to me with an urgent request. She was extremely desperate, asking me to help her.” Abby pauses for a moment. Her pulse started to go up and she felt an unpleasant tightening in her stomach, then she resumed. “She had to travel to Arcadia with me, in order to fulfill her request.”    
  
“She went with you out of Polis so shortly before an important summit? What in the world could have been so urgent that Heda requested this?” Anya steps closer towards Abby, attempting to look into her eyes. 

“It’s personal and not relevant to the fact that she is missing.” Abby looks back at Anya. 

“How dare you deny answering my question, Skaikru?” Anya places her hand on the dagger that was attached to her belt. 

“Stand down Anya!” Indra interferes. “Though I think we have a right to know. Besides, I do not believe that it is in fact irrelevant as to why she would have left. This is incredibly unusual behavior for her.” 

Abby uncomfortably shifts from left to right. She reminds herself that she’s sworn to secrecy, but the concerns about Lexa and especially Clarke eventually make her crumble. 

“Please, promise me you treat this information with confidence. Lexa insisted that I would keep it to myself and under no circumstances reveal it. I gave her my word, so this really doesn’t feel right. It’s betrayal in a sense…” Abby pauses. Her eyes are seeking those of the other women present in the room. “Which I’m aware you understand... “ 

“We promise. Whatever you tell us, shall remain inside our circle.” Indra clarifies. Octavia nods, then Anya and eventually Gaia. 

“Alright. I’m only willing to give away this information because it might be helpful in regards to saving Clarke and Lexa.” Abby takes another breath, her pulse now racing, before finally breaking her secret. 

“Lexa is pregnant. In other words, she carries a child.” 

“That’s impossible” She is a Nightblood!” Gaia jumps off the couch, calling out while the other three women are still obviously processing the information. 

“Gaia wait!” Octavia tries to calm the horrified young woman - before gazing at Abby. “Did you examine her?” She asked. 

“As a matter of fact, I did an ultrasound and saw the fetus… the child… with my own eyes.” Abby nodded, leaning back against the table

“Is that a safe method?” Indra’s brow furrows in disbelief. 

Abby coughed. “Yeah, probably the safest method in existence to determine a pregnancy. That is a fact.” 

“Um…” Octavia started to explain. “Abby is right regarding that technique… it pretty much visualizes your internal organs… So if she did that on Lexa… she would certainly know whether or not she was pregnant.” Indra still didn’t believe her. 

“This is just  not  possible due to Lexa being a Nightblood.” Anya snarled. “Lexa isn’t bedding men. So how  could a child magically end up inside of her womb?” 

“I  don’t concern  myself with the  sex life  of my patients.” Abby replied. “She asked me to terminate the pregnancy… I intended to do exactly that.” 

“You WHAT?” Anya’s eyes narrowed in fury and she was ready to slit Abby’s throat. 

“Easy!” Octavia was ready to draw her blade as well. “Anya, I kindly ask you to c alm yourself. We are here to find out about the truth. Our priority is to find Clarke and Lexa safely and prevent another conclave.” Both women were standing eye to eye, ready to attack. 

“Please do not shed the blood of someone who is not your enemy.” Octavia begs.

Anya stands down. “I still do not believe her. No matter what technique she used, no matter her vow. She is Skaikru and I believe we cannot trust her.” 

Octavia was just about to interrupt, in an attempt to remind her that she was Skaikru as well - but Abby spoke before. 

“If you don’t believe me, you might find Sophie more trustworthy. She was the one who confirmed Lexa’s pregnancy first… Using Trigeda methods… probably... Lexa told me while we drove to Arcadia.” Abby clarified.

Anya’s heart skipped a beat at the words of the Skaikru healer. It became more and more obvious that Abby’s testimony was in fact true. Her heart sank, as did Anya herself. She sat on the couch, speechless. “I will seek her out later…” Anya grunted. 

“Was the abortion successful?” Octavia asked eventually. 

“Well, no. I mean you remember when we got attacked by Azgeda all of a sudden… That was, let’s say perfect timing.” Abby explained. “So yes, she is still pregnant.” 

“I thought Azgeda was marching onto Skaikru because of a conspiracy theory constructed by Queen Nia, that there was a weapon of mass destruction in the plans of making?” Indra asked. 

“Oh my... “ Abby sighed. “Listen… Queen Nia didn’t exactly construct this as a conspiracy theory against us... “

“Wait, so are you telling us there actually is a biochemical weapon?” Octavia’s brow furrows. 

“No, there isn’t!” Abby clarified. “Lexa didn’t involve Clarke into her… private matters…  She  just acted all secretive and mysterious around her.  And as we all know Clarke quickly jumps to conclusions and in the consequence of that, feels the need to save the world…” 

“I get it…” Indra rolled her eyes. 

“Listen, it’s probably still for the best if we use this to our advantage. At least we could use it as a threat against Nia.” Abby explained. 

“Risky, but not the worst idea.” Anya nodded. 

“I believe this is our only chance to get to Clarke and Lexa, in case they are still alive as we speak. Abby looks around, but is only replied with questioning eyes. 

“Well, the Ice Queen captured them of course. Where else would they be?” Abby shrugged.

“So this was your fear all along?” Gaia finally stepped forward. “Please don’t worry about that. If Queen Nia did stage a coup against Heda, she would have declared the holy conclave already by now. She obviously can’t do this yet, because she does not have  the flame in her possession  \- the spirit of the Commander. So rest assured - Nia can’t have them captive.” Gaia smiles in relief. She proceeds to explain what the flame is, what it does and why it’s absolutely necessary for ascension. Abby comes to the same conclusion as Clarke previously. It has to be a mind drive and she would need to speak with Raven about this sometime in the near future. 

Octavia gets up and starts to think… “Which raises the question… If they aren’t in Arcadia - and Nia doesn’t have them either… Where the hell are they?” 


	8. Chapter 8

“I’m so tired of throwing up.” Lexa cursed as the boat  reached the island, docking hard at the beach. The waves were crashing against the coast, foaming water rising up to her knees and  Lexa just wanted to escape - but felt like she couldn't. Her legs felt just too weak. Clarke walk ed closer to her,  and took Lexa’s hand and help ed her to walk back onto dry land. 

“I guess being born in space helps a little with this issue.” Clarke, who seemed not to be affected at all by the tide,  as she trie d to calm Lexa down, but didn’t really know what to say. She felt sorry for  Lexa and hated that she was feeling sick almost every morning since they started traveling together. 

“It’s not just the tide, Klark.” Lexa coughs after cleaning her mouth with saltwater. “That’s disgusting.” She screams, spitting it out immediately, her stomach tightening badly once more. Luna hands her a canteen with fresh water, so she could cleanse her mouth properly. 

“I could have told you.” The older Grounder woman scolds her friend. “Saltwater is not for human consumption.” 

Lexa glares at her, takes the canteen and drinks. When she is done, she closes it before handing it over to its rightful owner. 

“Luna… I won’t hear of this again.”  Lexa snarls. Luna smiles back at her with a  questioning look on her face. “What won’t you hear again?” She eventually asks. 

“I told you so.” Lexa replied annoyed. 

“Right.” Luna sighs with a slight smile on her lips before reaching out her hand and tracing Lexa’s eyebrow with her fingertips. Lexa immediately softens. “I’m sorry.” She whispers. 

Clarke stomps closer towards the scene, coughing on purpose to get their attention. Luna breaks away from Lexa, she looks at Clarke and gets the message as she sees Clarke’s rather grumpy expression at the sight of her being affectionate towards Lexa. “Follow me”  as she  eventually started walking. 

“Klark.” Lexa saw Clarke’s face and she placed her hand on her shoulder. “Please.” Her eyes were searching Clarke’s and she wordlessly tried to suggest that there wasn’t anything to be jealous about - just like she wanted to imply that it’s now time to walk and follow Luna.

They do so, and the thought of having to walk even further seems rather frustrating at first, but it turned out to just have been a ten minutes march before the first tiny buildings came into sight. Clarke and Lexa felt relieved. A resting place was finally near.    
  


“So this is the famous City of Light?” Lexa asked as they eventually arrived at what was merely a village, located in the center of the Island. 

“I no longer refer to it this way.” Luna responds. “It doesn’t exactly fit the description.” 

“Right. I can’t see any candles, at least not from afar.” Lexa, who was feeling better by now remarked. 

“So it’s Floudonkru?” Clarke asks, but Luna just looks at her with a smile, not replying. 

“I see you talked with her about this place?” She speaks to Lexa instead. Lexa’s brow furrows and she slightly brushes  Luna off.

“Klark can speak for herself, so why don’t you talk to her? She already attempted to start a conversation with you.” Lexa smiled at Luna, then at Clarke, who glared angrily back at her. 

The conversation eventually died  out before even starting. 

They walked along a small path, more of a trail than an actual road as they entered the village.

On the left and right there were small cottages, constructed out of a wide variety of materials. Some were merely tents or yurts, others were made from clay and straw, while others seem to have been constructed from scrap metal, much like those cottages inside the abandoned village they visited before. Every home had an outdoor stove and most families had been cooking or preparing food around this time. The air was filled with smoke and steam, it smelled of roasted seafood and grilled vegetables. Clarke felt her stomach rumble. 

“Will we have to hunt our own food or…” Clarke began to talk as they were still marching through the village along the path - but she was interrupted by Luna 

“Don’t worry, we have fishermen who provide us with our daily rations. You must be tired, so for today I will not expect you to work. However, be reminded that everybody who wants to stay with my people must commit themselves within the community.” Luna explains, looking at Clarke as if she wordlessly wanted to tell her not to get lazy. 

“But if you truly carry a child” She looks back at Lexa…” you are exempt from this.” Luna’s voice became so much softer as she spoke to her childhood friend.

“This is very considerate from you, but I do believe I can still commit myself to the community.” Lexa replied, smiling.

“Once you are well rested.” Luna insists and guides the two women into an empty cottage alongside the path. It was mostly constructed out of wood. They step through the door and find a beautifully designed, yet simple interior. The roof wasn’t very high, but at least there was a bed and several thick, warm blankets. Luna just gave  them a few instructions on how to use the shower, light the fireplace and she asked them to only cook outside, because of the smell. 

“I will have ready-made food sent to you later, but only for today.” Luna explained. Lexa nodded without saying a word. She was very tired. Clarke still glared at her. They had been walking from the shore where their boat arrived, to this cottage here on the outer border of the village. Their clothes were still soaked with saltwater since the boat  docking  was rough  and they had become cold and uncomfortable. 

“Lexa…” Luna continued further. “The wound on the back of your neck…”    
“It’s fine.” Lexa interrupted her. 

“Lexa I can see you are in pain. Please let me help you…” Luna was obviously concerned and Clarke felt guilty for being jealous. She clenches her fist inside of her pocket, feeling messed up and angry at herself. 

“I will have someone sent…” Luna realized how uncomfortable Lexa felt, how jealous Clarke appeared to be - yet she still wanted to help Lexa. She stepped out of the door, closing it behind her. 

As soon as the Floukru leader was gone, Lexa began to undress. She hangs her clothes around the fire, allowing them to dry. She takes a blanket from the bed and puts it in front of the fireplace,  and sits  down on it, cross-legged before wrapping another blanket around herself. 

Clarke watches her in awe - but she was still confused and in a state of shock when she realized what Lexa was doing. Of course, she knew  Lexa was only  getting herself warmed up again and not  trying  to seduce her - she could still not help herself but to address the situation. 

“Did you just… get naked in front of me?” Clarke asked, but Lexa didn’t answer. 

“Would you please stop giving me th e silent treatment?” Clarke felt helpless and foolish at Lexa’s lack of response. 

“Jealousy is weakness, Klark.”  Lexa eventually speaks. Her voice is soft and quiet. Lexa enjoys the warming heat of the fire. It calms her. 

“Lexa, I…” Clarke growls in exasperation. “I’m not… I mean… She was so obviously flirting with you!” She desperately explains. 

“Klark.” Lexa interrupts her. “There is no reason for jealousy. What Luna and I had is  in the past and there is no weakness for her in my heart any longer.” Lexa c ame forward with her confession.

Clarke heard and processed Lexa’s words. She couldn’t believe what she just heard and stopped to breathe for a moment. Then she coughed. “Wait, wait wait…” She began to flutter. “Luna and you were…” 

“Like I said, Klark. It’s  in the  past. Besides, jealousy is weakness.” Lexa interrupted  Clarke  again. 

“Thanks, you don’t have to repeat yourself…” Clarke was puzzled and she didn’t exactly know if Lexa  was trying to be smug all of a sudden. And then she felt so distant again… Clarke hated this so much. Lexa was right there, yet she seemed to have no chance to get to her. Clarke is standing in the middle of the room, not really knowing what to do with herself. She was still wearing her cold, damp clothes, but her skin  had  already got used to the cold. She knew this wasn’t going to be healthy. 

“You should warm yourself too, Klark.” Lexa speaks to her, obviously very tired. 

“Um, yeah… You are probably right.” Clarke  g rumbles before undressing herself as well. Instead of sitting in front of the fireplace next to Lexa, she just wrap ped a blanket around herself and climb ed into the bed.  Clarke  began to realize how heavy her legs felt and how tired she actually was. It didn’t take long for her to drift away into sleep, despite being hungry, she couldn’t stay awake for the meal that Luna promised to bring later. 

Lexa noticed after a while that Clarke had fallen asleep.

Lexa g ot up and walk ed over to the dresser, looking through the clothes that had previously been stored there. She f ound a pair of pants and a hoodie with buttons,  and  put them on and is glad at the realization that they loosely fit. 

Even as Lexa thought about going to bed herself, someone knocked at the door. “Enter” she called out loud enough. The door opened and a young girl stepped inside. She was approximately twelve, thirteen years old. Brown hair, fair skin. She close d the door behind herself and wait ed for Lexa to speak. 

“Thank you.” Lexa saw that the girl brought two bowls of food. “Come closer.” 

The girl did as Lexa said and placed the bowls on the floor, right in the middle of the room. 

“I hope it’s alright this way.” The girl started to speak. “Usually every house is provided with a table, so it will probably…” 

“It’s already more than we could have hoped for.” Lexa interrupted the girl, but not in an impatient manner. She just didn’t want her to worry, implying that they won’t complain about the accommodation. 

“What’s your name?” Lexa asked the girl. 

“I’m Madi.” she replied. “Luna said you had an injury.” Madi continued and pulled something out of the pocket of her jacket. It looked like a jar, with a creamy, greenish substance inside of it. “She asked me to apply this. If you allow me of course.” 

Lexa was hesitant at first, but then nodded. “It’s at the back of my neck… so it’s not easy to do it myself, and Klark is already asleep so…” Lexa moves her hair out of the way. 

Madi steps behind her and is shocked at what she saw. 

“You… oh wow... “ She gasped when she saw the wound. Lexa wanted to turn around, asking Madi what she was so astonished about, but the girl continued. “Cursed blood… You… you are… like me.” 

Lexa sighed. “Nightblood.” She corrected her. “But in a way you are correct… I suppose.” She felt sad and hollow all of a sudden. 

“Forgive me… It’s Luna who always refers to it this way.” Madi apologizes when applying the tincture on Lexa’s wound. 

“There is nothing to apologize for, Madi. I know this is what Luna believes.” Lexa explains. 

“And… do you believe the same?” Madi curiously asked. 

Lexa carefully considers what to say. “We are taught that Nightblood is an honor - and in a sense this is true, because it gives us health and strength. However... “ Lexa pauses for a moment before she continues. “It also means our life is never truly ours…” 

“And our line ends with us. We can’t have children.” Madi adds. Her words hit Lexa like a punch and she was close to tears. 

Madi feels that something wasn’t right with Lexa all of a sudden. “Are you alright?” She asked. 

Lexa breathes and swallows thickly. She pulls herself together and answers. 

“Your last statement is incorrect… at least for me.” Lexa places a hand on her belly. Madi understands the message immediately and she looks at Lexa with shining eyes. 

“Why are you sad? This is a miracle.” She smiles. 

“Fate is working in mysterious ways.” Lexa closes her eyes and Madi watches her in awe. She was astonished and fascinated that someone could be this beautiful.    
  
“I really wish it was Luna who was bestowed with the ability to give new life… It’s wrong that it had to be me.” Lexa speaks softly. 

“I don’t understand. You believe that you’re undeserving to have a child.” Madi looks concerned. “Why?” 

Lexa takes a deep breath and begins to explain.

“Because I won’t be able to see my child grow up. Safe passage is for her. Not for me. I have duties and must return to my people, as soon as she is safely delivered.” Madi felt sad and heavy when listening  to Lexa . She understands, it must be hard to know that one has to surrender their own flesh and blood. 

Madi became quite still for a few moments, however she was a smart girl and therefore began to  put the pieces together inside of her head. She could have just asked this mysterious young woman in front of her, but she was suddenly too afraid to speak. Who was she? How is it possible she was a Nightblood? An adult Nightblood after all? Luna told her a few things about the cursed blood, explained why she could never be free and had to live in hiding forever -  when a Nightblood child is discovered and  brought to Polis  to be  trained for the conclave, this is the only reason for which children with cursed blood exist. A Nightblood is either dead or - That’s when the realization hit Madi. Her heart skipped a beat and she was suddenly terrified. 

She whispers with a heavy, shaky voice. 

“You are Heda…” 

Lexa didn’t seem surprised at hearing the young girl’s words. She recognized Madi was a curious person indeed. She seek s Madi’s  eyes and takes her hand.

“Fallen.” Lexa replies calmly. 

“I’m sorry…” Madi replies, not knowing what else to say. A strange silence filled the room. She wasn’t really sure what to think now that she first met the Commander, why she would be here in the first place - what “Fallen” meant and - if the rumors she heard about her, were in fact not true or wildly exaggerated. 

“You don’t have to be.” Lexa replied. “It would just be considerate of you to ke ep to yourself what you know about me, at least for now. I do not intend to worry people with the awareness of my presence.” 

“I will abide by your wish.” Mady nods. “Perhaps my people will change what they think about you… once they learn who you truly are.” 

“As I said before, my presence is only temporary. Safe passage is for my child and my companion. Not for me.” Lexa briefly replied.

“Are you going back to Polis?” Madi asked. “Will you be accepted as Heda again?” She sounded worried. Even if she just met Lexa, she sincerely didn’t want anything bad to happen to her. She heard that the Commander was a monster. Ruthless and bloodthirsty. She could have never imagined how fragile and vulnerable this woman really was. Yet  Madi still  admired her strength and courage. She considers herself to be fallen, but she wants to ascend again, making the greatest sacrifice known to humankind while doing so. 

“This is my purpose.” Lexa replied. “I’m not certain whether or not my people will accept me again.” She pauses a moment to take a deep breath. “If this is not the case I shall accept my fate. I always knew that death would await me at a young age and I am prepared. I always was.”

“I surely wouldn’t want you to die” Madi said before thinking - and was immediately trying to paddle back. 

“Oh sorry I didn’t mean to overstep.” She apologized. 

“You did not.” Lexa replied with a smile on her face. 

“There surely are people who care about you…” Madi lowers her gaze. 

“No.” Lexa replies coldly. “Love is weakness. To be Commander is to be alone. I know you believe this is harsh but the only way to achieve a difference for a better world is through sacrifice. Only Natblida can ascend. Only those with determination, those who really feel like they were born for this are strong enough to rule, defend and guide.” 

Madi looked at her and was even more astonished, still at the same time sorry for the sacrifice Lexa had to make. She knew Lexa’s words had great value,  and had a deep meaning to her. 

“You are so strong.” Madi didn’t hide her deep and honest admiration. “Perhaps… you might even be more than the Commander.” 

“Madi…There is no such thing as more than the Commander.” Lexa smiled at the naive and idealistic mindset of the girl. Somehow she reminded her of Clarke. “But I feel truly flattered.” 

“Thank you for your time. I really loved speak ing with you… but I should leave, you must be hungry and your food is getting cold.” Madi gets up and walks towards the door. 

“It was my pleasure to meet you.” Lexa replied. 

“Um…” Madi turned around once again and Lexa, who was just about to start eating looks at her one more time. “You didn’t tell me your name.” 

“Lexa.” 

Madi nods. “Have a nice evening, and…  I  hope to speak with you soon again, Lexa.” She smiles wh ile stepping out the door. 

“May we meet again.” Lexa whispered before finally taking the first bite. 

Grilled paprika and eggplant with chickpeas, chestnuts and a few clams. Not the most glorious dish but at least it was delicious and nourishing.  Lexa decided to  eat Clarke’s ration as well, since she would probably not wake up anymore at this point - and cold clams aren’t the nicest thing to eat anyway. 

Lexa lies down next to Clarke as soon as she has finished eating, considering once again how crazy she must be for going through with this plan before drifting off into sleep as well. 

“Reshop, ai hodnes.” She whispered before closing her eyes. Love was a weakness after all - so she had to make sure to speak those foolish words only when Clarke was unable to hear them. 

Clarke opens her eyes the next day and the first thing she saw was Lexa from behind who just put another hoodie on. 

“Hello Klark.” She softly spoke when turning around. “Since I ate your ration last night, I fulfilled my duty to get you breakfast. You must be hungry.” 

“Thank you.” Clarke was slowly rising to the edge of the bed. “I hope you got yourself a double ration as well?” 

“Just a regular one.” Lexa smiled while handing Clarke the bowl. She hungrily grabbed it and started devouring her meal. “Mushrooms, tiny eggs and some bread?” She remarked. 

“I think so.” Lexa nodded. “You like it?” 

“Seriously, I’m so hungry, I’d eat a bucket of slugs.” Lexa looked disgusted at Clarke’s response. “Relax, it’s delicious.” She swallows. 

“Slugs?” Lexa was about to gag, but did in fact not throw up, much to her surprise. 

“Lexa I didn’t mean it literally. I never ate slugs, you can still kiss me without thinking of it.” 

“If you feel ready, I shall abide by your request.” Lexa replied without hesitation. 

Clarke rolled her eyes but her lips were still curled into a smile “Lexa the way you said it makes it sound like a chore.” as she finished the last few bites of her meal. 

“I did not intend to.” Lexa watches Clarke as if she were the most precious thing in this world. Their eyes met - then she leans forward to kiss her. Long, passionately and loving. 

Clarke is searching for Lexa’s hand. She finds it and entwines Lexa’s fingers with her own, as if she never wanted to let her go. Lexa enjoys the kiss and she returns it. Her love for Clarke burns deep inside of her heart, even if she was still not ready to admit it yet. 

“We should spend the day together.” Lexa breaks away for a moment. 

“But we promised Luna  we would sign up for duty.” Clarke replied, not entirely sure whether or not  Lexa  was joking. 

“Shhh…” Lexa kissed Clarke once again - her breath getting faster, deeper and more intense. 

“I just want to hold you…” The words came to Clarke just intuitively as she breaks the kiss and wraps her arms around Lexa - who tenses and seems to feel a little uncomfortable at the affection. 

Clarke notices this immediately. She felt concerned - didn’t know if she should address it, if this was appropriate. However, she also felt wrong at the thought of just pretending that everything was fine. 

“Why do you close yourself off to me? She asks. 

“I’m sorry Klark…” Lexa felt even more uncomfortable  upon learning that Clarke saw right through her. 

“You don’t have to apologize… It’s just that… I want to know what’s bothering you… If… it’s alright for you to tell me.” 

Lexa remains quiet for a few moments. She was trying to find the words inside of her head, forcing herself to stay contained and very careful as to not word  what she needed to say the wrong way . 

“Klark... “  Lexa eventually begins. “I’m not supposed to have emotions. Speaking about them is something I’m not used to.” She pauses for a moment and sighs. “I know this is only temporary… and we shall be apart very soon.  And we  may never see each other again.”

Lexa pulls herself back to breath e , trying not to break away and become too emotional. “I remember the last time when someone was holding me like this… and just a few weeks later, I received her head in a box, delivered to my bed.”

“You are too scared to bond with someone, because you feel  the bond will soon be broken again.” Clarke expressed perfectly for Lexa. She learned about poetry in school, even read romance novel s while imprisoned back on the ark - so expressing feelings was a little easier for her. 

Lexa nods. “Sounds about right.” 

“If only I knew a way to help heal your soul.” Clarke started to sob. “Lexa , it hurts so much to see you suffer… And I treated you so badly in the past. If only I knew…”

“Klark you are forgiven. You know I can’t be bitter about anything you’ve done.” Lexa explains. 

“Lexa I  spat i n your face… I held a knife  to your throat… I was so rude and unforgiving, and you’re still so resilient and even  will  entrust me with your child…” Clarke pauses for a moment to catch her breath. “I’m such an idiot. You were literally the only person in the world who never blamed me and continued to be encouraging and uplifting and what did I do in return?” 

“It helps not to dwell on the past, Klark. We all made mistakes and regret them now.” Lexa takes Clarke’s hand. “We can’t change what happened. We bear our scars and know better today. All we can do is learn from the past, not repeat our mistakes and… try to build a better future.” Lexa reaches out to touch Clarke’s forehead. She traces the scar her wound has left, which healed not all too long ago, gently with her fingertips. 

“I just wish we could raise our child together.” Clarke whispers. “Would you allow me…” 

Lexa looks at Clarke with questioning eyes. 

“To place  your  hand on her?” Lexa smiles at Clarke’s question. 

“I thought you would never ask.” She smiles. “Of course you can. She is your child after all” 

Clarke was hesitant at first, but she gently placed her palm on Lexa’s belly. 

“Klark…” Lexa was a little amused. “This is way too high.” She takes Clarke’s hand and guides it under her belt. 

“That’s… quite  low .” Clarke’s brow furrows and she laughed a little as well. 

“That’s where she is.” Lexa smiles. 

“You always refer to the baby as a she. How do you know it’s not a boy?” Clarke teases. 

“I didn’t even notice.” Lexa reacted a little surprised. “Did you already decide on a name?” She asked. 

“Well… I’m probably the most boring person in the world, but I always said that if I ever had a son, I would name him after my father - Jake. But since the circumstances are a little different, I don’t know if this was appropriate.” Clarke hesitantly explained. 

“Why would the circumstances be different? It’s your child.” Lexa clarified with a soft and calm voice. 

Clarke felt honored. “I still haven’t decided on a girl’s name. Is there anybody in your family you’d like to honor?” She asked. Lexa didn’t answer. 

“Don’t you have parents?” Clarke asked. 

“Well, I obviously came from somewhere…” Lexa started explaining. “But I have no memory of them. When they found out I was a Natblida… they probably gave me away and wanted nothing to do with me anymore. For my fate would have been decided anyway.” 

“Oh wow… I’m really sorry Lexa… I didn’t know…” Clarke almost thought Lexa’s parents were dead, or chose to not raise her - but hearing it from  Lexa  herself confirmed her suspicion and made it so  de finite. 

“It’s alright… I was raised by a couple… who had two children of their own… all four of them died of a plague which did not affect me, for I am Natblida… so I lived with Anya for a while, before being brought to Polis.” 

“ What were your siblings called?” Clarke asked. Lexa almost jolted away at the question. This wasn’t something she liked to br ing  up. 

“My brother’s name was Jaro… He was two years younger than me… He was a little more independent and never bonded much with me… He was the one who succumbed to the disease first.” Lexa paused for a few moments before she continued to explain. “My little sister…” Lexa held her hand in front of her face - she closed her eyes as the memory ran  through her mind without warning. “Klark I loved her so much… She suffered… she was in such unimaginable pain when she died… and I had to watch her wasting away… for days, weeks… I think she  would be Madi’s age if she was alive…” 

Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa. there was just so much more underneath  Lexa’s  surface she didn’t even barely scratch. Clarke became more and more aware of this, the longer she  talked  with Lexa and the more time they spent together. 

“Do you want to tell me her name?” Clarke asked. 

“Fawn.” Lexa whispered into her ear. 

“Jaro and Fawn would be proud of you.” Clarke clings tighter onto Lexa, while the tears were starting to run from her own eyes as well. 

“And I think… we have a name for a girl.” She whispered. 

Lexa breaks away so she could look into Clarke’s eyes. “You honor me.” the words left her lips, barely audible. 

Clarke wipes the tears from Lexa’s face with her fingers. Her touch was gentle and loving. 

“Maybe someday, you and I will owe nothing more to our people.” She whispers, and Lexa nods. “I hope so.” And she sincerely does. 

***

The next few days had been a little hard to adjust for both of them. It was an unusual lifestyle, but they eventually got used to it quite fast and easily. Clarke had to be reassigned a few times, since she proved inefficient with washing clothes and handcrafting. She found her purpose in fishing, since she was already quite skilled with surviving in the woods.    
As their bond began to grow stronger, Clarke would sometimes find herself drawing whenever she came home later than usual. She couldn’t just fall asleep easily when finding Lexa asleep already and therefore having nobody to talk to. She channeled it into her art. Mostly she drew Lexa. She knows her body quite well by now, even if they had not yet consummated their relationship. However, she had seen enough detail of her  body to sketch it.  Clarke was impatient in a sense, wanting to explore  Lexa \- but she wouldn’t dare to push her into the next step too early. Lexa needed time to heal, so she kept her fantasies to herself for now. 

Lexa was careful to cover up her tattoos. She also didn’t give away much of her previous life when socializing with the other villagers, out of fear someone may recognize her. Her incision of the flame ha d healed well and  was  almost not noticeable anymore, if it wasn’t for the split lamniscate tattoo that had been the result of it. Since  Lexa’s hair covers it up most of the time, it doesn’t really matter. 

Luna insisted that Lexa wouldn’t be allowed to work hard, so the other villagers went easy on her, out of respect to the baby. New life was very highly regarded within the clan of the hidden boat people. Protecting the most vulnerable is the essence of Luna’s philosophy. Lexa found it quite ironic, since she never would have considered herself to be among the most vulnerable. Floukru didn’t have a strict routine when it comes to structuring day and night, everybody just did their work whenever they had the energy to do so. Clarke and Lexa visit ed Madi very often. She lived together with a young woman named Kaya, and her baby son Ja’kar. Sometimes conversations just got so deep and so long, they simply fell asleep on the thick rug that was on almost every cottage’s floor. 

Just like it happened during another night, after about roughly five weeks. 

The sun was rising and Baby Ja’kar, who was at an age where he started to crawl was already awake, making his way on the rug and trying to wake the grown-ups. The baby boy giggled as he played with Lexa’s hoodie, but ended up waking his own mother instead. 

“Hey, let Lexa sleep.” Kaya rises and walks over to get her little boy. When she untangles Lexa’s hair from his tiny fingers she notices the ink on Lexa’s skin. Curiously she moves Lexa’s hair away with caution, revealing the broken lamniscate. Kaya, who was born Trikru ,  was horrified, as she was very well aware of who this tattoo belonged to. 

“That face… I knew she was familiar.” She thought without actually speaking it. 

Kaya tries to move Lexa’s hoodie a little, careful not to wake her up. She just wanted to make sure, as she honestly couldn’t believe the evidence  that was  right in front of her. Suddenly her pulse started racing. She couldn’t really move Lexa’s sleeve to check her upper arm - but she gently lifted the clothes on Lexa’s back, trying as carefully as possible to look for the markings she was almost certain she would find on Lexa’s skin. The upper circular object of her tattoo came into her view - and Kaya had seen enough. She jolted away in panic, searching the room for her friend Madi. 

She found her sleeping in a corner,  and walked over to her, holding the baby safely in her arms. Kaya begins to nudge her friend awake. “Madi, please wake up. We have to get out of here.” 

Madi w oke up easily, but she was confused as to why Kaya  had woken her up - this had happened twice before in the past - and  then only because  a house or barn was on fire. 

“What’s the matter?” She grunts sleepily. “Shhh!” Kaya wanted her to be quiet. 

“We have to get out of here. Now.”  Kaya eventually said. 

“Why? What happened? Is there a fire somewhere?” Madi asked, more asleep than awake, since this was the first conclusion she jumped to. “I see no smoke.” 

“No fire, but we’re still in danger. Hurry up.”  Kaya dragged the younger girl out of the door hastily. 

“Tell me what’s going on…” Madi, walking still half asleep, started to get impatient as Kaya  started heading towards Luna’s home. 

“Listen… I know you like our new arrivals very much… but I’m afraid they aren’t who you might think they are.” Kaya looks at Madi with a worried expression on her face. She was very serious. 

Madi already knew what was going on - at least she could figure it out herself. Still she was curious how Kaya figured it out. “Wh o do you believe them to be ?”  Madi eventually asked. 

“Did you ever notice that Clarke has no tribal  tattoos on her skin?” Kaya asked. 

“She may have never been a warrior.” Madi shrugged. 

“Or she may not have been born within one of the twelve clans!” Kaya expressed her suspicions. “Madi please! I immediately noticed that she’s not of this world when I first saw her. I figured she couldn’t be from the mountain, but she may be Skaikru.” 

Madi looks away. She actually knew the truth, but didn’t know how she was supposed to come forward, admitting to have kept this secret all along. 

“And Lexa… I know you care about her… and the child she carries. But listen… She hides her tribal  tattoos , and as of today, I know why.” 

Madi sighs and she attempts to walk away.

“Madi please listen! She’s…” 

“Shhh…” Madi interrupts. “I know, Kaya!” She whispers, trying not to attract the attention of  villagers as they pass by. “Let’s go to Luna... “ Madi commands and walks ahead. Kaya follows with the baby in her arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm struggling with writer's block a little lately and since we're in another lockdown and the holidays around the corner, I don't know how much I can write and update this year. Still hope for weekly updates, or at least 2-3 chapters per month. Thank you for your understanding and bear with me.


	9. Chapter 9

“When did you plan to tell your people?” Kaya confronted Luna with her new findings. 

“I never asked for your guidance when it comes to leadership.” The sleepy Floukru leader replied. 

“Luna, you know that I can’t express my gratitude and admiration for you in words. I will be eternally thankful to you for giving my child and me safe passage - and I never would dare to question your leadership.” Kaya made herself clear. “But these women are none other than Heda and Wanheda! This means they are a threat, a danger to our lives and our safety! I was born in the clan of Trikru - the Commander’s first name is not common knowledge to all of us. Her face looked somehow familiar but what gave her away were her tattoos - which she hides, and which I saw for the first time today by coincidence. I always thought it was suspicious that she chooses to cleanse herself alone - and never changes her clothes in front of other women… When she is otherwise so incredibly confident about herself and would recite you about Floukru being family.” The young woman was obviously scared, desperate and angry. 

“Kaya I think you are mistaken of who she really is. Lexa is not a monster.” Madi explains. 

“No Madi, you are wrong, Lexa  _ is _ a monster. I have seen with my own eyes what this woman is capable of! She is deceiving you, and you are too naive to see through her, because you are young and impressionable.” Kaya disagrees with Madi. 

“Hey, I’m 13 years old! I’m an adult just like you!” Madi got angry. 

“I’m three years older than you!” Kaya shouts back at her. 

“And Lexa is three years older than  _ you _ !” Madi replies. 

“And I am three years older than Lexa!” Luna gets up and ends the argument. The girls were immediately quiet. 

“If you indeed were as knowledgeable as you think, you would also know that Lexa asked for safe passage for her child, not for herself.” Luna explains. “You would also know that we lived in Polis together. I believe I know her well.”   
  


“Luna... “ Kaya faces her leader. “This is indeed why I’m questioning your decision. You once were a victim of her as well. You told us how she betrayed you, and that being in command changes people and th at was why you willingly choose not to ascend, because you are too good of a person for this…” 

“I wanted to scold you for overstepping... “ Luna started. “But what you said is very flattering and…” 

“You know what, Luna? I AM OVERSTEPPING NOW!” Madi shouted and Luna looked at her in disbelief with a flabbergasted expression. 

“Lexa sacrificed her life, so that you could live yours! She didn’t betray you, she saved you!” The girl felt an uncomfortable tightening in her throat and she was forcing back tears of anger. “ Lexa knows that  to be the  command er is enslavement and that Nightblood is a curse! Yet she  bore  it so you would not have to. She will continue to bear it! She surrenders her child, just for this purpose! Because there has to be someone to lead and command and if it wasn’t Lexa, the person  who would be the commander would be YOU!” Madi pauses for a moment, much less angry than  she was before after blowing off steam. Luna was left speechless and struck by Madi’s audacity.

“ Lexa made mistakes! She is human and she regrets  them . Yet everything  you  do is blame her… Instead of realizing what she has done for you.” Madi angrily stomps out of Luna’s quarters and doesn’t even look back. 

Luna looks as Madi storms away and considers if she should penalize for her disrespect. However she also realizes that’s not the kind of leader that she aspires to be and decides to just have a word with her later. 

Luna turns around, seeking Kaya. “You might want to speak with Clarke and Lexa. Be honest and tell them your concerns. I can promise you, neither of them is a threat to you… or Ja’kar.”    
  
Kaya lowers her gaze and she nods. She knew that she could trust Luna, but the information she found out today about those mysterious new arrivals were just too much to stomach all at once. 

***

“When did you plan to tell me?” Lexa was sitting on the bench in front of her cottage and just about to start preparing food. She looks up and sees Kaya standing in front of her. The young mother was obviously annoyed. Lexa didn’t know how to respond at first, since she was more or less aware of what the other woman was referring to.

“Tell you what?”  Lexa eventually replied, trying to maintain her composure but her pulse started to increase  and was very  noticeabl e to her.

“About who you really are.” Kaya stayed at the other side of the table, keeping her distance. Lexa looked away. “I know  who you are . I saw the tattoo on your back! I’m from your clan and if there is something that I’d immediately recognize, it’s your tattoos. I’m impressed you could cover them up for so long.” 

“So you were born in Trikru… I’m surprised you didn’t recognize me earlier then.” Lexa responded with a soft and quiet voice, not showing any emotions. 

“Is that all you have to say?” Kaya started to get angry. 

“I’m a fallen Commander. Unarmed and pregnant. You have nothing to fear from me.” Lexa stands up and her voice gets a little sharper.

“That’s not what I asked!” Kaya cried out. 

“You shouldn’t shout. Your child might get scared. Besides… If I have ever done anything to offend you during my time as Heda… I apologize and will not ask you for forgiveness.” Lexa sits down again and looks away, expressing a clear gesture of humility and respect. 

Kaya grew even angrier. She felt provoked by Lexa’s obvious lack of emotion and complete admission of her guilt, without even asking any specific question about it. Kaya puts Ja’kar on the floor  then  walks over to the other side of the table  to  stand in front of Lexa, who  had  shifted her attention back to the food. Then Kaya lifts her arm and  tries to strike the former Commander. Lexa’s reaction was almost instant. She grabbed Kaya by her clothes and slammed her into the grill - which was luckily still cold before the younger woman even  realized what was happening to her.  Kaya was terrified as she looked into Lexa’s green and wide open eyes and as she sank  to  the floor she realized what a bad idea it was to approach someone who  was experienced in close combat.

“I do not intend to hurt you, Kaya. So my advice to you is this. Never attempt to strike me again.” Lexa lets go of the trembling girl. She walks over to Ja’kar who  was  play ing with a paprika that had fallen out of Lexa’s hand when she defended herself against his mother.

“Get away from my child you monster!” Kaya shouted. Lexa glared over her shoulder  t hen she picked the little boy up, walked over to the young mother who was still leaning against the grill - and  placed him into her lap. 

“There.”  Lexa softly spoke and went back to preparing food. 

“Ja’kar’s father!” Kaya cried out, clinging onto her happily babbling boy. Lexa was immediately alert again, focusing on her. “You slit his throat because he refused to kill Azgeda civilians! If Lincoln hadn’t told me about Luna and this place, my baby and I would have had to starve. I did in fact not recognize your face, because I didn’t want to. I  thought you might just look similar to her… I only ever saw  the commander from afar and  her face was always  hidden under dark, heavy tear streaks of war paint.” 

Lexa sighs and listens. 

“I don’t want to accept that… I really can’t believe that you are… her.” The young mother’s breath  caught in her throat. 

“And I let you play with my son. You were bathing and feeding him… Did you know he was the son of the man you killed? Or did you kill so many that you can’t remember?” 

“Kaya…” Lexa eventually begins. “You saw no kill marks on my back, is that correct?” Lexa gets up, facing her. Kaya nods. “This is simply because my back isn’t big enough.” 

“Are you trying to impress me? Intimidate me?” Kaya asks. 

“No. I’m telling you this because I know everybody living in this village, lost a loved one at my hands. I know how much they resent me, that I’m the reason why they’re here in the first place. Why a place like this is even necessary.” Lexa admits her guilt. 

“As I said before. I sincerely apologize and do not expect forgiveness.  This  may give you comfort… my child will grow up without me as well. Safe passage was only for her. Never for me.” Lexa clarifies, still impressively calm and soft spoken, emotionless. 

And with  Lexa’s last words the young mother walks away with  her baby in her arms. 

Madi was angry and had wandered off for a while. When she returned to the village she was still not in the mood to see Kaya or speak with her, so she didn’t return to her own cottage, but went into Clarke and Lexa’s instead. She had permission of course, they were friends and had agreed that their house would be open to her any time.  Madi was however a little overwhelmed by the fact that Picasso was the only one home, and the fireplace  was  cold. The sun was going down and she knew that at least Clarke would be returning home soon from fishing.

As she walks around in the room she sees that the two of them have started working on a cradle and a few other accessories for the baby, they didn’t really get too far however.    
Madi looked at a few of the blankets they were making, and immediately noticed th e two  women  obviously didn’t have much practice.  Madi thought about offering to help them at some point with it, otherwise it might never be  ready in time. 

Madi’s attention was suddenly focused on the booklet that was laying on the bed. Madi was curious and didn’t think of it much, she believed it may be a tale of some sorts and she remembers how her own mother  would  read her fairytales before going to bed. She unwrapped and opened it, but what she found was something quite different from a story book. It was  full of drawings. Portraits of people, landscapes, animals… she even found one of herself. Madi was astonished by the artistic skills and due to her curiosity she immediately felt the impulse of wanting to learn drawing like this as well. 

P ortraits of Lexa were by far the most common  drawings  by far - so Madi figured that it was most probably Clarke who drew all these sketches. It was astonishing how often she actually drew her. Sleeping Lexa, Lexa in full commander gear, her tattooed back, Lexa sitting in front of the fireplace and… Oh no! Madi immediately closed the sketchbook and put it away, since there was a very detailed drawing that revealed so much more of Lexa than Madi was supposed to ever see. She blushed in shame, wished she wasn’t  so nosy. All she could think of was - if these sketches are accurate, then everything of Lexa is indeed extraordinarily beautiful. 

After her shock had initially settled, Madi thought it was probably better to go - but there was this tiny metal encasement with a skull printed on it which caught her attention. Without giving it much of a thought, she grabbed it and slid it open, revealing the flame. 

Madi had never seen something like this before and gently poked it with her fingers. The tiny object immediately began to glow at her touch - and a small black wire shot out on the side of it. The girl got scared and she closed the box immediately again, putting it back on the bed. What was it, she thought? Was this thing alive? 

Madi decided that it was now ultimately time  for her  to go - when the door opened and Clarke stepped inside. 

“Oh hi Madi! Wait, where is Lexa?”  Clarke asked, a little confused. 

“Hello Clarke!” Madi felt caught. “I… I haven’t seen her since… I mean um… since the argument.” She explained. 

“Wait wh at argument?” Clarke was confused. She woke up in the morning and had to go fishing right away, finding only a sleeping Lexa  beside her . 

Madi, Kaya and the little one had already gone when Clarke had to leave. 

“Well…” Madi started. “Kaya actually found out who Lexa is… or who the two of you are… She dragged me to Luna in the morning and... “ 

“Have you seen Lexa since?” Clarke grew concerned. 

“Actually no…” Madi started to think and got a little worried now as well. “Do you think we should look for her?” She asked.

“Well… It’s unlike her not to be home at this hour, but…” Clarke’s brow furrows and she was thinking. “I guess we wait a little and then we walk from house to house?” 

“Sounds like a plan.” Madi nodded. 

Honestly, Clarke didn’t really want to wait, she was internally panicking - but since Madi was here, she felt a little suspicious as well. She wanted to speak with the girl,  to try to find out about her intentions and why she was standing inside of her house at this time, alone. Of course she had permission to do so, but the whole situation in this context was rather odd.

“So what was  Kaya’s  reaction?” Clarke asked. “You said she dragged you to Luna? What for?”

“It’s nonsense, really…”Madi started explaining. “She thought  you and  Lexa  could be dangerous... “ 

Clarke sighed. “Madi you know we mean you no harm.  We mean no harm to any of your people. However… I mean… Lexa and I have done terrible things. We didn’t earn our reputations for nothing.” 

Clarke  took a seat on the bed. “You know… not too long ago I hated Lexa, because she betrayed me. I had to do terrible things, in order to save my people. I had to bear this burden alone.” Clarke explains and Madi listens. “I was naive and idealistic. When I first arrived  on  the ground, I thought that meant freedom, that my people could do whatever the hell we wanted… and I guess I expected Lexa to share this burden with me… in a sense. God was I wrong.” 

“Wrong about what?” Madi asked. 

“We aren’t perfect, Madi. And even if you love a person with all that’s in your heart, you could never expect them to share your pain - or your burden. To expect they’d sacrifice themselves for you. Every important choice you make, comes with a downside. You may end up saving one person, but sacrifice another. You need to set priorities, but that is never easy.  Your  judgement can be clouded, no matter how rational and logical you think you act. Lexa and I both made choices in the past we now regret, but back then believed it was for the best of our people.” Clarke sighs. “The problem is that we don’t have this internal compass, or instinct to always feel what  is the right thing to do. We may believe that  we do , but it’s not the case. Th at may be  because of the simple fact that there is no such thing as right or wrong. Sometimes I have the feeling that… everything I do is wrong.”

“Why would you think that?” Madi was intrigued by Clarke’s speech. 

“Well, the worst thing about being a leader, taking responsibility and making decisions is… nobody will ever thank you. Instead, you will be blamed and told it would all be for the better if you didn’t exist. When in fact… we sometimes pull the last straw to save everybody.” Clarke pauses for a moment before ultimately finishing  speaking . 

“So if your people have the audacity to moan ,cry  and complain about Lexa… They should just try for a minute to imagine a world where Luna received the flame and was in Lexa’s place. Would she have done things better? Would this village exist in the first place? Luna may have made the right choice for herself. Lexa on the other hand took the flame because she wasn’t left with  any other  choice.”   
  


“Um… I said the same to Luna… earlier today.” Madi confessed. 

“Really?” Clarke smirked. 

“I may have worded it a little differently but yeah, pretty much.” Madi and Clarke looked at one another and suddenly started laughing. 

“You stood up for Lexa,  against  Luna.” Clarke couldn’t believe it. “You’ve got guts,  I can’t argue with that.” 

“And I would do it again!” Madi’s eyes were shining. 

“But for now… I guess we should look for her.” Clarke jumped off the bed,  and grabbed Madi’s hand. 

***

“Lexa choked her and slammed her into the grill?” Clarke was about to snap as she heard Luna had taken Lexa into custody. 

“This is what Kaya told me and I have no reason to believe she wasn’t honest.” Luna replied. 

“What did Lexa say about this?” Clarke groans. 

“She admitted it and did not resist arrest.” Luna clarified. “Since she’s with child, I will abstain from any form of punishment, but she will remain with me, under my watchful eye. I owe this to my people.” 

“I demand to speak with her! ”  Clarke  yells  out angrily. 

“I’m afraid I can’t allow that.” Luna wasn’t willing to accept any compromise. “I trusted Lexa, but have to admit I was wrong about her. She attacked one of my people. Her situation is unique, but she can’t be allowed to roam free any longer.”

“I sincerely hope you don’t have her chained against the wall?” Clarke was concerned and didn’t care about being impolite at this moment. 

“Do you think we are savages?  Lexa is in my house, which I locked and she doesn’t have permission to speak with anybody. She  will receive her basic needs.” Luna assures Clarke that there was nothing to be worried about. “I still care about Lexa’s well being after all. You can trust me with her.” 

“And for how long is she going to be in solitary confinement?” Clarke asked angrily. 

“Indefinitely. For now.” Luna replied coldly. 

“Indefinitely?” Clarke was exasperated and she shook her head, she felt angry and had no idea what to do. The idea of Lexa being in solitary confinement was especially triggering to her as it brought back her own terrible memories. She wanted to seek out Madi and maybe even Kaya herself,  and  have a conversation because she seriously could not imagine that Lexa would just attack another villager, especially a vulnerable one. 

Just as  Clarke started to stomp out of the door  to  look for the two girls - Madi herself kicked it open, dragging Kaya and her baby boy through it. 

“Luna, I think  Kaya has to tell you something.” Madi was angry. 

Luna’s brow furrows and she looks surprised. 

“I… wasn’t entirely honest… I demand you release Lexa.” Kaya looked away in shame, avoiding Luna’s gaze. 

“Huh, wh y do you want Lexa released all  of a sudden?” Clarke walked towards  Kaya , grunting and angry.

“Explain.” Luna leans back and crosses her arms in front of her chest, confused by  Kaya’s sudden change of heart.

Kaya sighs and begins to speak. 

“When I realized  Lexa was Heda… I couldn’t contain my rage and anger anymore…”  Kaya gritted her teeth. 

“Tell them what you told me!” Madi yelled at her. 

“I tried to strike  Lexa …” Kaya whispers barely audible, but Luna and Clarke still heard it. “She just defended herself.” 

“You tried to strike Lexa?” Clarke’s jaw dropped at the audacity of the girl. 

“Do you have any idea how that could have ended for you?” Luna glared. “Would you also try to strike a lioness? Barehanded and without any close combat skill?” 

“Of course not…” The grumpy young girl replied. 

“Do you even have the faintest idea… about the Commander’s strength? About what she is capable of doing?” Luna ask ed . 

“She killed the man I loved. The father of my son.” Kaya replied. “She slit his throat in front of my eyes…  because he  did not want to murder Azgeda civilians.” 

“Was he in her army?” Clarke asked. 

“Ran was born a mere farmer’s son from Ton DC. He made it into the Commander’s army and was so proud he could serve her in battle. Yet how did she repay him?” The young mother was obviously still bitter and unforgiving. 

“Why did Trikru murder Azgeda civilians?” Clarke asked in surprise. 

“They… had broken into Polis to steal weapons and two horses.” Kaya came forward. 

“Then those weren’t innocent civilians.” Luna and Clarke said almost at the same time. 

“Is stealing weapons a crime worthy of death?” Kaya intervened. 

That’s when Clarke ultimately lost it. “Kaya, I believe none of us thinks that stealing, even if it’s weapons, is a crime worthy of the death penalty. However, since you were born into the clan of Trikru, you should know that it was expected  of a  leader to be harsh and merciless.” Clarke took a deep breath. 

“You know… the boy I loved was sentenced to be killed by a thousand cuts…” Clarke had a hard time containing herself and she almost started to cry. “I handed him o ver  to Lexa, and plunged my blade right into his heart before she could cut him for the first time. I did it to save my people - and I risked getting the thousand cuts in his place…” 

“And still you could forgive her?” Kaya was shocked at the realization that Lexa did the same thing to Clarke that she had done to her. 

“Because I know what it means to bear the burden of leadership.” Clarke sighs. “Because… I have done awful things myself and now have to live with the memory of it, every day of my life. We didn’t do this because we are monsters… or evil people. We did those things to survive. We did them for our people.”   
  


Kaya nods and understands. “Luna… I ask you once again to release  Lexa . I’m sorry.” She whispers before getting up and walking out of the door. 

“Follow me” Said Luna as she  started  heading towards her cottage. Madi and Clarke did as she requested. 

Luna open ed the door, revealing a sad Lexa sitting on a thick rug in front of the fireplace. Clarke remembers the night they arrived at the village - just that this time Lexa was - to her relief  was  fully dressed. Clarke and Madi literally ran towards her, fell  to their knees and hugged her. Lexa was surprised and at first didn’t even say anything. It was just so typical for her to remain stoic. 

“You are free to go.” Luna said without hesitation. 

“Klark, what have you done?” Lexa’s eyes were seeking Clarke’s. 

“Clarke didn’t do anything. Kaya confessed to me and I brought her to Luna.” Madi clarified. 

“I was ready to accept my punishment for what I’ve done.” Lexa replied. 

Clarke sighed. She struggled to find the right words. “Let’s go home. We should speak there.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry people that OC won't show up all that much more often again or play any important role.  
> Didn't think I could update anymore before Lexmas. Happy holidays Kru!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for smut (Clexa, don't worry) 
> 
> And happy new year to y'all!

Clarke and Lexa finally arrived back at their cottage. They managed to convince Madi that she should give Kaya a second chance and that her behavior towards Lexa was within the normal range of what human emotions can make people do. The Commander can be merciful, and mercy doesn’t have to mean weakness. Madi was a fast learner, especially when the people teaching her lessons are Clarke and Lexa. So she went home with a clear mind and was ready to sleep at last. Just as Lexa and Clarke  were as they walked back to their cottage.

The door behind them fell close and Lexa was looking at the unfinished baby equipment that was everywhere across the room. 

Lexa walks towards the unfinished cradle, her fingertips stroking over the wood. “I see you didn’t even touch it.” She addresses Clarke. 

“I didn’t get the chance to… not yet.” Clarke replies. “Besides… we still have plenty of time, don’t we?” She nervously shifted from one foot to the other. 

Lexa nodded. “Yes, we do.” 

Clarke walk ed over to Lexa and  took her hand. She doesn’t know if she should address the previous incident and why Luna had taken her into custody, or if she should actually speak about the baby instead. 

“Have you thought about anything… any personal item of our child that you would want to keep?” Clarke’s words brought it so close to the surface - Lexa’s pain, her agony. The knowledge of having to surrender her child. Lexa knew she would be left in the best and most capable hands and there was no better place than Floukru - however… not being able to see her grow up, never holding her through the night, never singing her lullabies… never hearing her first words… or even know how she may look like - At first Lexa couldn’t have imagined how much this  was going to affect her. She would sometimes imagine herself in a few years from now. Could she ever forget or live with the memory of having a child she does not know? Then  Lexa  remembered the fact that her life may end within the next few years anyway, so it would not matter. 

“Klark… as much as I would love to keep memories of her… I can’t afford  to let anybody find out about her existence. So no, I can’t keep any personal items.” Lexa spoke cold and emotionless, but Clarke had by now spent so much time with her, that she was able to sense it -  Lexa was tearing apart. 

“Is this why you wanted to punish yourself? Did you just look for a reason to bear responsibility where there actually wasn’t any?” Clarke realized Lexa felt guilty. “Lexa… this won’t make you feel better.”

“There will probably never be anything that does.” This was the first time Clarke heard something like this from Lexa. She admitted how she felt, how hurt and broken she was. How everything she had done, haunted her. The burden she carried was simply too much and she broke down underneath. Clarke knew - but she could never address it, since Lexa would not talk about it. 

Clarke t ook Lexa’s hand and they s a t next to each other on the bed. For a few moments they were completely silent, and did not say a word. Clarke traces Lexa’s fingertips with her own  as she finally found the strength to speak again. “Lexa… I’m glad you finally found the strength to be vulnerable around me.” 

“Please don’t leave our child and me behind and run straight into the arms of death just because you think you’re undeserving of a happy life.” 

“That’s not the reason, Klark… I  will  leave because I must be there for my people…” Lexa pulled herself back together. 

“And I told you before, maybe someday you and I will owe nothing more to our people.” Clarke replied and she brushed a few strands of Lexa’s hair out of her face. 

“You said that before and I know you truly believe in this. That’s why I… That’s why you’re you.” 

And with  Lexa’s  words, their lips met and joined together in a long, passionate and loving kiss. Clarke holds Lexa and she felt like she never wanted to let her go. She wanted to embrace her, breathe her - touch and feel her, literally - melt into Lexa. Clarke breaks away from her for a moment. She looks into Lexa’s eyes and watches a tiny tear escape, running down her cheek.    
  
Lexa felt so weak, so vulnerable in this moment. She just lets her emotions flow and sinks on the bed. Clarke continues to hungrily kiss her, but she was still very careful and gentle with her. 

  
  


"You are trembling" Clarke said with a rather insecure smile on her face. Lexa was unable to speak, she showed Clarke one of her hands, not to interrupt, but to show her how much she was indeed trembling. However, this wasn't even necessary, since it was just obvious by the way she breathed.

“Hey, are you alright? We don’t have to if you…” Clarke worried. 

“Klark… I want this… I want you…” Lexa interrupted Clarke, her voice barely a whisper.

“Come here…” Clarke pulled her into a tight embrace again, kissing her neck and while doing so, inhaled the scent of Lexa’s skin and hair. 

"You smell so good," Clarke whispered into  Lexa’s  ear. 

Lexa’s heart skipped a beat and she almost passed out. 

"Finally I can touch you." Clarke slowly began to undress Lexa. “Your skin is so soft and warm.” 

A soft and sweet sound escaped Lexa's throat. She tried desperately to undress Clarke too, but was shaking way too much to be successful, so eventually Clarke had to help her. 

"You are so beautiful," Clarke whispered. “ It  feels so nice when you touch me.” Her breath was shaking with longing and need.

“Yes…” Lexa agreed, meaning that she felt the same about it. She wanted  Clarke so badly, she needed her.

No words were necessary, no resistance on her side, just the urge to finally be given the love and affection which is a primeval desire of every human being.  Lexa nodded, positioned herself on the bed, and spread her legs a little. Hesitant at first, but slowly warming up and opening herself to her beloved.

Lexa couldn’t think clearly anymore. She both loved and hated it. She hated to lose control over her body and mind, but she loved what she was feeling. Clarke kissed Lexa's neck and slowly made her way to her exposed breasts.

Clarke was a very passionate and skilled lover. She didn’t want to overstimulate Lexa right from the start, so she just kissed and licked very gently next to her nipple at first, before briefly nibbling on it with her lips. She wanted to suck on it, since her love and desire for Lexa was burning. After all she waited and longed so much for this to finally happen. Still, she was very soft and handled her carefully, she simply didn’t want to hurt her. Clarke could feel the vibrations of Lexa’s heart through her chest. Her arteries were pulsating visibly in her throat.

"Oh wow... you should try to calm down..." Clarke whispered before being interrupted by a kiss. 

“Then calm me down, Klark.” Lexa broke away from her, mischievously, needy.

Clarke didn’t say a word when she gently brushed over Lexa’s soft inner thigh with the palm of her hand. Lexa couldn’t help herself but moan quietly. She just couldn’t keep it inside her throat anymore. 

Touching Lexa there was so addictive. Clarke rolled the folds of skin between her fingers, she softly unfolded, gently pulled, stroked and squeezed them. Lexa enjoyed very much what Clarke was doing. She was so wet and ready to feel her lover inside of her. 

"Clarke.... please..."  Lexa softly whispers. "I want you."

"Guide me, Lexa. Show me how you want me to do it." Clarke smiled when letting her fingertips gently dip in for the first time. Lexa didn’t really need to help much, she just placed her own hand on Clarke’s, indicating that it was alright to go a little deeper. Clarke felt how well Lexa’s inner walls were receiving her. She traced along the soft ridges, feeling how Lexa’s muscles tightly wrapped themselves around her finger, drawing it inside until it was fully submerged. 

“There… Yes… Klark…” Lexa whispers with closed eyes and a smile on her lips. She grabs her pillow with one hand, turning her head to the side and moving her hips up into Clarke’s hand. 

“so… intense… yes… Clarke....more…”  Lexa  whispers. Clarke was so immensely satisfied to see how much Lexa  was  enjoy ing this. 

“One more?” Clarke asked and Lexa just nodded. 

It was quite a bit of work and stretching to insert a second finger - but Clarke didn’t hurry, she was patient and very gentle, giving Lexa all the time she needed to adjust. 

Lexa wasn’t someone to moan very much - which doesn’t mean she didn’t enjoy it. In fact she  was loving it when Clarke strok ed and curl ed  her fingers inside of her. Lexa  was very sensitive  and felt every ridge of her inner walls  clench  against Clarke’s fingertips when she gently slid out and back inside again. It’s exhausting to just breathe and maintain control. Lexa didn’t want to moan louder but  Clarke’s  touch was just too skilled, too addictive and too pleasant, that at some point she just couldn’t help herself anymore.  Lexa just close d her eyes and slowly start ed to abandon control. She begins to moan quietly  to  the rhythm of Clarke’s movements. 

“Are you close?” Clarke just very bluntly asks. Lexa shakes her head. She was still focused enough to listen and respond. 

Lexa was so beautiful to look at. Her nearly flawless, lightly tanned skin, her newly acquired curves - and the way she was laying on the bed in front of Clarke with her arms stretched up above her head - which was tilted to the side, closed eyes, slightly parted mouth and her widely spread legs exposing everything of herself to her beloved. 

Clarke glowed with contentment at the thought of finally being able to consummate their relationship. She would never forget this night they shared - not until the end of time. Not that Clarke would have minded to spend the rest of eternity right where she was. In this bed with two of her fingers deep inside the woman she loves, making her believe  that she flies all the way to the stars and back again. 

Lexa  was fully submerged within  her  pleasure. Inside her mind, she sees nothing but a starlit purple sky. She feel s a warm and gentle breeze on her skin. The soft moans escaping her throat are echoing through the endless space of her consciousness which manifests behind her eyes as her own personal micro universe. 

Her pulse is racing. She feels how Clarke’s movements intensified - how her own feelings intensified. Lexa couldn’t hold back anymore. The first wave of her climax approached without warning, making her cry and seize. Clarke didn’t withdraw from her just yet, but she lays down next to her. Lexa places her hand on top of Clarke’s as she comes undone. She opens her eyes and tries to catch her breath. 

“Stay in me…” She softly whispers, her eyes overflowing with tears of joy. 

Clarke nods. “Yes… of course.” She whispers in response, her other hand gently wiping away Lexa’s tears. “Feel this… I’m right there…” Clarke continues to gently stroke Lexa’s inner walls, which were holding so closely onto her. Lexa turns to her side, face to face with Clarke. 

“I don’t want this to end.” She breathes heavily. 

“We can continue as long as you want.” Clarke whispers with a smile on her face, reassuring Lexa that she was still able to tend to her for a little longer. 

“I love you so much Lexa… I can’t express in words what I feel for you.” Her own intense arousal loosened Clarke’s tongue a little easier than usual. 

“Ai hod yu in… Klark… From the first moment my eyes found yours… you have held me captive… My heart is yours.” Lexa’s crying eyes looked at Clarke while she whispered those beautiful words of love. She was almost dissolved within her pleasure. 

Clarke looked at those extremely dilated pupils inside those large green eyes which were framed by tear streaks, resembling the design of  Lexa’s warpaint so much. It was almost ironic to see her like this - so vulnerable, so fragile. Yet her tear streaks look almost exactly like the mask she wears to show the world how fearsome she can be. 

It was so obvious how much Lexa was longing for this, how much she was craving the intimacy. To be touched, to be loved by Clarke. She was finally happy - she wanted to live and suddenly - somehow love didn’t feel like weakness anymore. 

Clarke leans forward to kiss her, She stopped moving inside of Lexa for a moment. Focusing on the kiss just distracted her a little. Then she breaks away, suddenly  with  a very fascinated expression on her face. 

“Wow… Lexa I can feel your heart… right there.” Lexa grinned a little awkward ly in response, but Clarke thought this was extremely sexy. She had no idea that the uterine artery can be felt this strong, and honestly, she never felt this before when sleeping with another woman. 

Clarke started to move her fingers again. Lexa couldn’t really control herself anymore, it felt just too intense. Her body just set another climax in motion and she couldn’t fight against the seizure, the moans and the pleasure that was shamelessly taking possession of her. Clarke pushed her fingers deeper inside as she noticed Lexa came again. 

Oh how much  Clarke loved to see Lexa react to her touch this way. It was also very satisfying for Clarke herself to know she can pleasure Lexa to such an extent. She continues to massage her inner walls, gently yet with so much passion. At some point Clarke almost slid out completely, leaving Lexa empty, tracing her entrance with her fingertips before pushing back inside all the way in again. Lexa felt a little worn out after her last orgasm. The roots of her hair were getting sweaty. Her vagina was a little sore. A slight feeling of uncomfortable heat began to mix with her pleasure. 

Still, having Clarke so close to herself, feeling the love and intimacy felt so great and fulfilling.  Lexa didn’t know if she should ask her to stop, if she even wanted  Clarke  to stop or not. 

Lexa placed her hand on Clarke’s one more time, holding her still. “It’s alright now…” She whispered, her tears dried up by now. 

“Don’t you want to come one last time?” Clarke teased. 

Lexa didn’t protest or have any objections and she smiled back at Clarke with such happiness and devotion - like all of her pain just vanished for this brief moment of healing and love.

It wasn’t hard for Clarke to make Lexa come once more. This time it wasn’t as intense as before, but it was still perfect and a glorious end for this nearly flawless experience. 

Clarke waits until Lexa catches her breath, before she asks to have her hand back. Lexa nodded with a smile on her lips and Clarke withdrew gently, making sure to stroke every ridge inside of Lexa one last time before ultimately sliding out of her. 

They lay still for a while, next to each other. Wordless and calm.  S ometimes it’s the silent gestures that are most precious and most meaningful. Lexa’s body started to feel heavy after a while and she felt the need to turn around  with her back  facing Clarke. 

“That’s beautiful” Clarke whispered when she saw Lexa’s tattoo. 

“Shhh….” Lexa clearly implied that she doesn’t want to talk during the afterglow. Clarke just shifted closer towards her, so she could hug Lexa from behind. 

Clarke’s hand almost instantly went to Lexa’s belly. She only noticed afterwards where she placed it. “This… ok?” She whispered. 

“Of course.” Lexa replied softly and placed her own hand on top of Clarke’s. 

They would fall asleep almost every night like this from now on. Their bond was growing stronger every day. 

Time seems to fly  by . There was so much work to be done throughout the winter months, but the era of snow and cold winter has long passed. It  usually rained very  heavily , the sea was rough and some of the cottages needed repairs. It was hard to gather dry wood for the fireplaces and the cooking stoves at times, but there was never any shortage of food or supplies. 

Lexa didn’t like it very much that she had to stay inside their cottage for most of the time, but at least she was able to finish the cradle and m ost  of the other things her baby would need. 

Sometimes she would just stare at those items in awe - but also become sad and melancholic when reminding herself once again that she wouldn’t be able to see her baby grow up. That she could not be with Clarke, the love of her life for an indefinite period of time.  Lexa place d her hand on her belly, which had grown noticeably by now. She was not able to hide it any longer, not even underneath those thick, long woolen hoodies she loves to wear throughout the cold season. 

Lexa was so happy that she brought a few candles with her from Polis, since the fireplace itself was simply underperforming as a light source. She just boiled some water. Clarke always loves some hot tea whenever she comes home from fishing. 

Clarke’s clothes are usually soaking wet, literally drenched. Lexa couldn’t wait to help her out of them, dry her hair with a warm and clean towel and provide her with a warm blanket.  Lexa convinced  Clarke of the importance of shar ing body heat for at least an hour after coming home every night. Clarke of course never objected and immediately felt better and much more relaxed after finishing their daily evening routine together. 

New arrivals came to Floukru and therefore it was necessary to rearrange the housing situations of some people. That’s when Luna asked Clarke and Lexa if it was possible for Madi to live with them, at least for a while. Madi was hesitant at first, she knew Clarke and Lexa were a couple and she wasn’t ignorant to the fact that adult couples like to spend time together, so she felt like an intruder, but the two of them reassured her that this was absolutely fine. Both of them liked Madi, she was a very kind and hard working young girl who was always polite and respectful. She also was slowly reaching an age where learning about herself, her identity and the nature of her existence became more and more important to her. 

In the past Madi sometimes felt as if Luna was keeping secrets from her in regards to the origin of Nightblood, but it turns out that she wasn’t all too knowledgeable about it herself. This became more and more obvious, the longer and more intensely she talked about the subject with Lexa  who  also didn’t know, or couldn’t tell why exactly some children were born with black blood and others had normal blood. They just found out that this seems to be a very rarely occurring natural phenomenon for which there is no explanation. Clarke overheard the conversation and would usually let them talk whenever they were deeply absorbed into a conversation - but in this moment she walked towards the rug and interrupted the Natblida with a friendly cough. 

Lexa stopped talking and looked up to Clarke, who was standing in front of her with a bright smile. 

“Why don’t you sit down with us, Klark?”  Lexa eventually asked. 

“Oh well, if you allow me.” Clarke was teasing a little, not really serious. “However, excuse my crappy Trigedasleng and bear with me talking English.” 

“You are forgiven, Klark kom Skaikru” said Madi, and Clarke wasn’t really sure if she deliberately tried to sound like Lexa or if this was unintentional. 

Clarke smiled and couldn’t help herself but address it. “You spend too much time with Lexa. You sound almost like her.” She said with an amused voice. 

“I did indeed not notice.” Lexa’s brow furrows. 

“Anyway, I heard you were talking about the possible origins of Nightblood.”  Clarke went on. 

“Looks like your Trigedasleng is not th at bad after all.” Madi noticed. 

“Well, I guess I understand it quite well, I mean don’t get me wrong, I can hold  a conversation… but this is a little history and science heavy so… I think I can express myself better this way.” 

Lexa and Madi listened and Clarke continued. “Lexa, were you ever told anything about the origin s of Nightblood? Other than Becca Pramheda falling from the sky, announcing that she was the Commander and turning people into Natblida just by her magical touch?” 

“No, but I figured that this is merely a metaphoric explanation of what really happened.” Lexa replied. “Since you explained to me that you suspect the flame may be merely technology rather than divine, I... “ Lexa hesitated to speak. She paused, resumed the words in her head before she continued. 

“Madi I really don’t want to… disturb you with this.”  Lexa swallowed heavily. 

“You believe we aren’t real. Or… not fully human.” Madi took the words right out of Lexa’s mouth, almost as if she was reading her mind. Lexa nodded. 

“Klark… Just think about it. There is no other logical explanation that would make sense. You said there is no account of Natblida in ancient historical literature - the immunity to disease, the infertility… the fact that only Natblida can merge with the flame…” 

“Wait a second,” Clarke interrupted. “You carry a child, Lexa! That alone should be proof that you are fully organic, natural and human. Besides, my mother asked for voluntary blood samples, when we were still discussing... “ Clarke stopped and then became quiet all of a sudden. “I d o n’t really want to talk about Mount Weather anymore…” 

“You mean when… your people were still trying to find a way to help the Mountain men’s children survive on the ground?” Lexa asked. Clarke nodded. 

“Yes. You donated blood too and this is when my mother first found out about Natblida.” Clarke reminded Lexa. 

“And I will never forget Abby’s dumb face when she saw it.” Lexa had such a serious and thoughtful expression on her face when describing the situation, Clarke actually started laughing and managed to brush aside her bitter memories again, not wanting her trauma to get between her and Lexa unnecessarily. 

“Anyway, she may have made a dumb face at the sight of your blood, but in the end she confirmed that it’s fully organic.” Clarke reassured Lexa. “So keep calm and relax, you aren't artificial.” Clarke sighed. “I mean you were born… you were children once… and you grew up. That’s proof of a natural life cycle.” 

Lexa seems relieved yet not fully convinced. “It’s just so odd that my people don’t know anything about it despite the significance it has to us.”   
  


“Lexa, there is so much about your people in regards to Nightblood that I don’t understand. I mean, if it is so rare, why do you have to kill each other for the flame? Why are you considered unworthy of living? Why is “dead or Commander” the only path a Nightblood can go? This just doesn’t make any sense…”

“It’s not that I  have  never asked myself those exact same questions - and I can say the same for Luna… and Madi.” Lexa breathes. 

“They fear us.” Madi replies after carefully listening to the conversation between the two lovers. 

Lexa was immediately  alert  and she focused her attention  on Madi. The heart of the girl was beating a little faster at the realization of what she just said, then  Madi  continued explaining her theory.

“If all  the  Natblida of one generation die at the conclave - except for one who then becomes Heda… and… if  that  Heda is told that love is weakness and to be commander is to be alone… How is anybody even supposed to know Natblida can’t bear children? I mean… Lexa… you obviously disprove the claim. Did any other Commander… or any other Natblida ever try to have children before?” 

“Madi is right!” Clarke said. The trait seems to be hereditary, if it’s true that you were born Natblida. It must have entered the gene pool of your people at some point, and it has something to do with the flame and with technology. Your ancestors were genetically engineered a few generations ago - and for something to be hereditary, the first carriers of a trait must have had offspring. Otherwise Nightblood would not have lasted longer than one generation. Natblida have so many advantages compared to regular humans. So it’s possible your enemies hated you because they simply feared you. Or… were jealous.”

Lexa leans back and thinks. “This makes sense. Since only a Nightblood can become commander, it was probably people much like Nia herself who invented the ritual of the conclave as a method to enslave and control us” 

“Well… it’s probably for the best that this scary ice queen doesn’t question the doctrine.” Madi sasses. 

“Yes. For the sake of our child, this is the case. Regardless, as soon as I have returned to Polis I need to work towards a path out of this system. Luna and I have seen the problems with this long ago, but we just had no basis on which we could build upon. If we could prove that everything we have ever learned about Natblida, the flame or the Commander is wrong, there may be no need for a Conclave anymore and the lives of my dearest novitiates could be saved.” Lexa was excited, but she also knew there would be so much more need for research until she could convince her people. Thinking about Aden and the others also made her sad and nostalgic somehow. She was really worried. She often thought about them, or their fate and she also felt bad for leaving them behind, knowing that they were probably worried about her themselves. 

“This is such a new way of thinking and living for me, I… I need to get used to... being selfish.” Lexa pauses for a moment. “It’s time Natblida reclaim their right to live. This may be a path into a brighter future - for all of our people.” Lexa declared. 

“This is strange. I never thought of a possibility like this before. The doctrine was never to be questioned and I never dared to. Even if I was always aspiring to make changes and reformations, something as sacred and important as the holy conclave? I mean not even Luna questioned it’s necessity. She ran away, yes - but would we have been brave enough to rebel against it? Propose abolition? No, we did not and we would not have.” Lexa pauses once again, feeling her baby wiggle in response to her excitement. “I wasn’t able to change enough for Aden and the others… But maybe this is the least I can do for you.” 

Madi stares at Lexa with shining eyes. She was so fascinated and impressed by Lexa’s determination and strength. She admired her deeply and it was just so unbelievable how a person can be this powerful yet vulnerable and fragile at the same time. 

“I wish I could be… like you… just a little.” Madi whispered. Lexa smiled and felt honored. Clarke watched the two of them in awe. In the last few days they have become something like a true family. 

“Lexa I know you feel bad for leaving your child here with me. You may feel like you are abandoning her, but listen. This is not the case.” Clarke takes Lexa’s hand and squeezes it tightly. “You  will leave because you love her. Because you care about her future - and you want to make the best decision, not for yourself, not just for our people, but for our child. It may be possible she’ll never get to know you - but she will be proud to have you as her mother. She will understand your pain and what you have sacrificed for a better future in which she can live a good and happy life.” 

Lexa lowered her gaze and was almost moved to tears by Clarke’s statement. “Lexa you will be a great mother. You already are. Not many people try to change the world for their children.” 

Madi knew Clarke’s statement was in fact true, however something seemed a little off about it. She was a child who grew up without her parents, they died when she was four years old so she did have some memories. She knew they were just simple farmers but that was not important, since every child loves their parents, no matter their accomplishments. Even if she would have heard tales about her parents having been heroes, it would still be nowhere near enough to heal the wound of not having them in her life. There it was again - the double edged sword, the dilemma and the burden of choice, the right or wrong. 

She knew this wasn’t her place, but Madi felt like she wanted to do something - anything but she just had no idea what that could possibly be. She felt helpless but she couldn’t see Lexa suffer like this anymore. 

“Lexa... “ Madi asked “You said you were hiding from the Queen of Azgeda and she was the reason why you needed safe passage, right?” 

“Yes.” Lexa replied. 

“Um… I don’t know if this is alright to address… please don’t get angry at me, I’m really just looking for ideas.” Madi blushed a little. 

“Go ahead, you are safe with us.” Lexa replied. 

“Alright so… if the Queen died... “ Madi’s heart skipped a beat and she felt really awkward asking this question “... the father of your child would become King of Azgeda?” 

“That is correct… however… yes, how you said it, felt indeed strange to listen to. It’s not your fault, don’t worry.” Lexa replied and she protectively placed her hand on her belly. 

“Can he be trusted? Would he be a good King or… would you still fear Azgeda?” Madi asked. 

“I do trust him, and he would be a great leader for his people. He is not like his mother and…” 

Clarke interrupts “He would immediately jump off Lexa’s balcony if she told him to. She wouldn’t even have to kick him.” 

“Klark, he would be useless if I told him to jump off the tower  at Polis. However if I did tell him to do it for me and for his people I believe he…” 

Clarke interrupted her again. “I meant metaphorically, not literally!” 

“Of course.” Lexa replied and Madi almost laughed to see how tired and confused Lexa had become over the conversation. 

“Then you just have to kill the Queen.” Madi said in her naive and childish idealism. 

“It’s not that easy, Madi…” Lexa answered. “I could only kill Nia if she were to challenge me. Since Azgeda is not part of the coalition anymore… I couldn’t even have her executed for committing treason, since Cogeda’s law would no longer apply.”

“Challenge? What does that mean?” Madi asked curiously. 

“I believe that means…” Clarke more or less knew the meaning of the challenge, but wasn’t entirely sure so she gazed at Lexa and let her finish the sentence. 

“Solo Gonplei… A fight to the death.” Lexa replied. And this is not what I could do in my present state anyway. 

Madi grumpily agrees. “Someone should assassinate her.” 

“I think it’s time for bed, Madi.” Lexa rolled her eyes at the suggestion. Clarke laughed. “Bellamy would be a great sniper. He could do it.” 

“Klark, Madi, we aren’t seriously discussing an assassination of Queen Nia.” Lexa glared around the room angrily. 

“Lexa I’m scared! I don’t want you to die!” Madi cried out hysterically all of a sudden. “How do you know your people will even accept you again? How do you know they… they won’t just declare you a traitor to the blood and have you killed immediately as soon as you arrive? How are you supposed to know if any of your people is even still alive? What if Nia already rules over everything?” 

“Calm yourself, Madi.” Lexa speaks to her rather harshly and more of an order than a request. 

“You know it yourself…” Madi angrily wipes the tears from her eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie. She was obviously desperate, angry and especially honest. 

“Hey Madi…” Clarke gets up and walks over to her, as soon as she notices the girl couldn’t calm herself anymore. Clarke wraps her arms around the little girl, trying to help her with it. 

“ Lexa knows this. I know this. Just as much as you do. She still has no choice.” Clarke whispers into Madi’s ear. 

“Loving Lexa can be hard… and sometimes feel hopeless.” Madi whispered back. 

Clarke just nodded. “I know.” 

“I’m sorry…” Lexa heard the two of them, even if they were trying so hard to be quiet enough. “I wish it didn’t have to be this way. This was another reason why I have sworn to myself never to grow weak again. It’s just too painful to hurt the people I care for. I never asked for this. I don’t want this. My child… is not even born yet and  i’m  already suffering… Natblida… are they even still alive? Madi is crying because of me. Costia died… and I have… and never will stop hurting Klark… I… don’t want this…”

“Lexa this is not your fault! Please don’t blame yourself… We have discussed this so much before already... “ Clarke lets go of Madi and walks over to Lexa, who’s eyes were empty and sad. 

Madi however stopped crying for no obvious reason. She walked to the small window of the cottage, bending so she could look at the sky. Passing black clouds in a dark, starless sky. The same image as the past several years, whenever she gazes above at night. The same damn hopeless and devastating image. 

“Can you see the sun, Klark?” Madi asked, but Clarke did not understand the question since it was obviously night outside. 

“No Madi, it’s dark outside.”  Clarke quickly replies. 

“You were born in the sky. Is the sky as dark as it appears to be?” She specified her question. 

Clarke wanted to explain to her that skaikru were technically born in space and not in the sky, but that would have taken a little more than just a simple explanation and she was tired. So she simply answered Madi’s question. 

“Yes. It’s dark. No sun and no stars.” 

Madi nods. She walks over to the bed where Clarke and Lexa were sitting. Then she wordlessly leans against Lexa, wrapping one of her arms around her back. Lexa looked at the younger Natblida and a light smile was breaking through underneath her tear stained eyes. 

“Is this ok?” Madi hovers with her hand over Lexa’s belly. Lexa just nods. “Of course it is.” She whispers. 

“Maybe if we end the war once and for all… the stars will return to the sky.” 

Clarke would usually have argued that this is not how it works, but this was not the time to argue with the fantasies of a naive and hopeful young girl. Maybe someday  Madi would understand - but tonight she just felt content by her romanticised and idealized view of the world. 

“I’m sure of it.” Lexa replied to Clarke’s astonishment. “Someday the war will be over and the stars return to the sky. I like to believe this.” 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning   
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> Roan mentions sex with Lexa. (Not too graphic, don't worry.)

“It’s time to send out scouts to retrieve the flame.” Titus nervously walked up and down inside his chapel. 

“So are you going to declare Lexa dead?” Gaia asked as she stood behind him. 

“We have no other choice. As you know, she vanished without a trace before the beginning of winter. We haven’t heard anything about her since and the people need a Commander.” 

Titus was determined and cold, seemingly not concerned for Lexa as a person. 

“I understand, Master.” Gaia replied, but she knew  very well that Titus was not to be trusted. Throughout winter, the entire time Lexa and Clarke had been missing, she observed him carefully - and she  had also been doing research. Since she and the Natblida were the only people close enough to observe the Flamekeeper’s movements, she knew exactly when it was safe to spend the night at his library and study old and forbidden documents, known as the Commander’s apokrypha.  Gaia unearthed many questions and theories she has never been taught anything about - knowledge not even the commander migh t have known. 

Of course she forwarded her research to her mother or Octavia, who would then forward it to the “science team” - Abby and Raven to be specific. The findings of Abby proved to be very interesting to  Gaia. She has sworn to serve the Commander and the holy blood with her life after all. 

She did at this time however, believe that Lexa was still alive. To be honest, she prayed that Lexa was alive, because if she was really pregnant, this was in fact a miracle and this child was destined for greatness. 

Titus continued to refer to another era that is about to begin - which was something quite frightening to Gaia. Did he know anything about the baby in the end? Or  was  he simply refer ring to the ascension of the Azgeda Nightblood named Ontari? 

Both  of those options  did not really make sense to her, since Titus was never fond of Ontari - and sincerely, if he knew anything about Lexa’s child, he wouldn’t ever have been able to maintain his composure this well. 

In the beginning, Gaia didn’t know if she should tell Aden and the other Natblida about Lexa’s child - she eventually decided that it was too risky -  it was better that  they don’t know about it, even if they would have probably been very happy. Besides,  Gaia  remembered Abby’s words all too well -  words spoken during  the conversation  that  was not supposed to ever leave the secret conference room, formerly known as the Natblida hideout. She also was aware that Abby had originally sworn to keep Lexa’s secret to herself altogether. Gaia already felt bad about knowing something so intimate about Lexa, which she knew was never intended to be known to her in the first place.

“This is strange” Titus suddenly muttered when opening his wardrobe, retrieving the Commander’s belongings. 

“The encasement of the flame is gone. Gaia ,  did you reveal its location to anybody?” He turned around to face her. 

“No Master, I did in fact never touch it.” She was seemingly nervous. She felt as if she had been caught. The young woman trie d  to breathe and calm herself. 

“What does that mean? If the encasement of the flame is missing?” She asked. 

“This means someone must have taken it.” Titus replied. Gaia wanted to roll her eyes at the obvious statement, but just clenched her fist inside of her pocket. 

Gaia knew the only person besides Titus, who knew the location of the Commander’s relics - was Lexa herself. So if the flame encasement was gone… 

“It could have only been Lexa.” Titus smashed the door to the wardrobe close d and he was obviously angry. 

“How can you be so sure of this, Master?” Gaia asked. She felt a shiver running down her spine and she carefully tried not to give herself away. Damn, but she was intrigued by th e se new findings. 

“Unless  Lexa  was foolish enough to reveal the secrets of the flame to her lovers once again.”

Titus snarled. 

“And… has Lexa done this before?” Gaia asked innocently. 

“I know for a fact that she told Costia - regardless she resisted revealing it. Not even when my dearest Queen scratched the tendons of her fragile bones and…” Gaia gritted her teeth at the description of Costia’s torture. “She took the secret to her grave. This is how loyal she has proven herself to be. Still I could not take any risk. The secrets of the flame must be preserved no matter what.” Gaia just nodded. 

“Of course, Master.” Her pulse began to rise and for the first time in her life she was seriously scared of Titus. Not only that he more or less admitted to cooperate with Queen Nia, he also confirmed ratting out Costia to her. 

Gaia did not feel safe anymore at the realization of what Titus seems to be capable of. She walks out of the chapel, backwards. 

“Master… I want you to know that I trust your wisdom and guidance. As long as I live, you shall have my loyalty and I do never attempt to question your doctrine. 

“But I have to go now.”  Gaia steps back and half walks, half runs back to her quarters. She knew she had to leave, as it wasn’t safe for her anymore. As much as she wanted to take all of the Natblida with her, it broke her heart to know she had to leave them behind - as it would only attract too much attention to have all of them, including herself suddenly gone. 

She entered her quarters and started to pack her belongings together. Gathering all the evidence she collected during the past few months was crucial and even if she wasn’t going to make it out of here alive - at least she had to make sure to hand over the evidence to Raven or Abby. Gaia was so unbelievably thankful to Raven for giving her a Skaikru device that she called a camera. This way she could just quickly take photos of the pages from Titus’ books without having to copy  it  letter by letter herself on concept paper.  The camera  saved her a lot of time and effort. However, she did admit to have stolen a manuscript, which may provide information of significant importance to the biology and origins of Natblida. 

Gaia hastily stuffed it into her backpack along with the camera and some of her belongings. 

Then she walked towards the secret conference room where Abby has ordered Raven to install a radio device, which could be used to  radio Skaikru whenever someone needed help. 

She just took the passage right behind the Polis tower - when she noticed that someone was following her. Gaia started running, but the person behind her caught up quickly, cutting off her path. 

He was tall and had the shape of a warrior. He wasn’t from Polis, that much she could tell - and he was probably not even Trikru, since his attire was different. As he stepped closer towards her, she recognized him. Her first impulse was to run and hide somewhere - but he would probably catch and kill her anyway. 

“What do you want?” She asked him. 

“Listen. I mean you no harm. I’m not your enemy.” His voice was raspy and quiet, she could hardly understand him. 

“You’re Azgeda!”  Gaia call ed out to him. “How am I supposed to trust you?” 

“We have no choice, we need to work together. I think neither of us wants my mother in charge and Ontari on the throne.” The man spoke to Gaia’s surprise. 

“How am I supposed to know your mother didn’t send you to kill me and collect my research? I know she’s consorting with Titus. I don’t know who to trust.” Gaia replied. 

“See, this is why you have no reason to fear me. If I wanted to kill you, you’d be dead already.”  The man  spoke and walked even closer. “I want to find her just as much as you do. We need her. She is our only hope.” 

Gaia looked at the Azgeda warrior with a questioning face. “You mean Lexa?” She whispered as quiet as she could. He nodded. 

“Now go contact Skaikru.” He ordered. “But don’t tell  them I’m with you, because then they won't come and get you.” 

Gaia didn’t like this, but she didn’t have a choice. There was just no way she could have ran away or even fought him. So she walked towards the hideout, aiming to send a signal to Abby. 

Once they made it to the secret conference room, Gaia tried to  radio Arcadia a few times, but had no luck so far. She still thought the man who was following her was suspicious and she didn’t trust him. 

“So why do you  want to  help the enemy? What do you believe to gain from that? You would choose Lexa over your people. That makes no sense.” Gaia questioned him. 

“You know I’m banished, right?” He explained. 

“Yes, I was aware.” Gaia glared at him. 

“ Lexa threw me out of Polis. After I had chosen her over my Queen, my people and my kingdom. That’s how she repaid me for my loyalty.” He walked away from Gaia who was sitting in front of the radio device and towards the door, looking  to see if  there may be someone outside who could have followed  them . Gaia has given up  radioing for the moment. 

“I’m sorry I don’t understand what you are saying.” Gaia brushed him off. 

“True, you’re just a religious child who wouldn’t know anything about those kinds of things.” He snarled. 

Gaia knew what he was hinting at but couldn’t fully believe what she just heard. “I’m seventeen… I … I do know… about adult themes but… what?” She scrutinized him from his head to his boots, still not sure what to make out of the man’s cryptic words. 

“I believed in her. I followed her. Even if she has proven herself to be heartless after all, I still do, because her goals and ideals are wise.  Lexa may be our only hope to achieve peace and unity. For all of our people.” 

“Let me try to  radio Skaikru again…” Gaia was shaking her head in disbelief. She heard enough shocking revelations for the day and prayed that someone would eventually pick up the radio on the other side - and to her surprise, she felt at ease when someone finally did.

“Raven Reyes speaking. Wh at is your location?” Gaia sighed in relief as she heard the familiar voice on the other end.    
  
“Secret conference room in Polis. Gaia speaking. Call Abby. I repeat. Secret conference room in Polis. Gaia speaking. Call Abby.” 

“Status confirmed. Anything else?” Raven asked. Gaia remembered what Raven told her when giving her a quick instruction into radio signaling. 

_ “Whenever you’re in trouble, talk about food and pretend as if everything is fine. Emergency dispatchers know this strategy and if a dangerous person is next to you,  _ _ they  _ _ probably won’t notice this as a call for help.”  _

“I’m hungry.” Gaia said. 

“Oh! Should Abby bring you anything specific?” Raven immediately caught it - after all, she was the one who instructed the Grounder girl  to ask this if she was in danger . 

“Pancakes. Those delicious Skaikru pancakes.” Gaia  at  first didn’t know what to say. She hasn’t been introduced into much of Skaikru cuisine, but that was the first thing  that popped into her mind. 

“Oh and Ice cream! Very important! A large, and I mean large - Bucket of Ice cream.”  Gaia hoped that Raven would make the connection to Azgeda - and she did. 

“Alright sweetie. I will make sure Abby is going to bring lots of ice cream. Who would have guessed Grounders have such a sweet tooth.” Raven tried to drag the conversation  out  a little, to get as much information as somehow possible. 

“And I made sure to write some lyrics… for the songs… we write.” Gaia added. 

“I’m looking forward to hearing what you’ve composed! Raven out.” She hung up. 

“Gaia out.” And the radio went silent. 

“Good girl, you learn fast.” Raven said to herself before signaling the  nearest  armed squad that was closest to Polis. 

“Raven Reyes to any team accompanied by General Anya, General Indra or Octavia Blake - I repeat. Raven Reyes to any team accompanied by General Anya, Indra or Octavia Blake. 

Send an armed squad to the Secret conference room in Polis. Gaia is being held hostage by Azgeda. I repeat. Send an armed squad to the secret conference room immediately. Gaia is being held hostage by Azgeda. Raven Reyes out.” 

“Octavia on the way.” Was the immediate response she got back. 

“Understood.” Raven just quickly responded and was relieved that someone seems to be close by,  and maybe  they would be  in time  to help Gaia . 

What  Raven  didn’t know however, was that Octavia  was in the Rover, together with Indra and Kane. Octavia  had decided that she didn’t want to participate in the Nightblood research. Only the events after Clarke and Lexa’s disappearance from Arcadia were of importance and relevance to her. Indra agreed with  her for the most part. 

They were just done investigating a hint they got from a warrior of Anya’s squad. Apparently Wanheda had a connection to the trade post. Their findings however were inconclusive, since the trade post owner could  no longer  recall the date she had last seen Clarke. 

Anya herself stayed in Polis, observing the situation. After a long and extended conversation with Sophie, she finally accepted the fact that Lexa was probably pregnant. It was a bitter pill for her to swallow, but it would not help if she were to deny reality. She also kept a close eye on Ontari and the Queen of Azgeda. It was an open secret by now that they had been residing in Polis, trying to obtain command. 

To  Anya it all looked like a major conspiracy from Azgeda - and the Flamekeeper was just blind enough to let himself be seduced by the evil Queen. 

At least it was known that Titus was not supposed to be trusted, thanks to Gaia’s investigations. 

Driving into Polis with the Rover was risky - they had to drive around the capital’s walls, and away from the center, approaching the secret conference room to the backdoor,  metaphorically speaking. 

This was a little more complicated than expected, because nobody was really knowledgeable about the uninhabited parts of the city. Eventually they found the building they had been looking for. 

“A candle is burning inside…” Indra noticed the brightly illuminated small window  i n the left corner  of the building . 

“This should be the radio room.” Octavia added. 

“Alright, then let’s get our weapons and  go in.” Kane  said. 

They got out of the car quietly and approached the building. 

A tall shadowy figure walked out of the front door. Kane immediately identified the person as a high ranking Ice Nation warrior who was just about to draw his sword - and shot at sight without warning. 

The man groaned and  fell to his knees immediately. 

Gaia was right behind him and cried out in shock at the realization that he had been shot. 

“Hey, Gaia it’s us!” Indra noticed her distressed daughter. “How many more are in there?”  Indra ran to Gaia, taking her hand. 

“None! And this one you didn’t need to shoot, he may have had important information!” Gaia explained. 

“Alright that’s Prince Roan of Azgeda…” Octavia noticed. “And he’s still alive.” 

“Damn  it , I thought he was in there with an entire squad and was about to attack us!” Kane said in his defense. 

“Well, we have to get him to Arcadia, Abby might be able to save him. he’s no use to us  dead , because then there’s no successor for Queen Nia.” Octavia ranted. 

“And um… uh…” Gaia scratched her forehead and took one of her beautiful braids into her hand, twisting and twirling it nervously in between her fingers. 

“What is it?” Indra whispered as she noticed how insecure her daughter has become all of a sudden. 

“I’ll… explain  everything in Arcadia, but please let’s get out of here before Titus finds out I ran away with one of his precious manuscripts. He sure was creepy today, and I mean way out of the ordinary.” 

They dragged Roan into the car and drove off, hoping that nobody saw them. 

To all of their surprise, Roan survived the transport ation to Arcadia. Kane  had already radioed  Abby  to tell her  that they would  soon be approaching, and that they had Gaia and a male grounder with a gunshot wound, who was in need of immediate medical attention. 

“Can’t wait until Mount Weather is ready  for us  to settle in to ?” Raven tapped Abby on the shoulder as she passed her by with two cups of steaming hot coffee. 

“You bet. At least there will be more space and more medical equipment to use and we  will have an easier time caring for patients like the next one in line.” Abby rolled her eyes. 

“Do you think he needs to be restrained like the last one? I can look for more duct tape.” Raven asked, and Abby wasn’t sure if this was meant to be humorous or serious. 

“Well, he has a gunshot wound  to the chest, so I suppose he  will  behave.” Abby went to the medical bay after sipping on her coffee two more times. 

Raven followed, since she wanted to see the evidence Gaia had been gathering. She had  developed a growing interest in the speculative science of genetic engineering and mind drives, which suddenly seemed not to be all too speculative anymore. Becoming a cyborg wasn’t  Raven’s life goal of course, but she would often joke that with the new findings, she may be able to build herself some cybernetic augmentations to upgrade her very hated,  and  useless leg brace. 

Abby just disappeared into the treatment room with her assistant, when Raven ran into Kane, Indra, Gaia and Octavia on the hallway. “Hey, it’s good to see y’all!” She quickly greeted them. 

“Raven, you think Gaia can stay here for a while?” Indra asked. 

“Yeah well, no problem with me. I think we make a good team nerding over Nightblood and cybernetics together.” Raven agreed. “Did you dig  through  baldie’s library and f ind some juicy hot news?” She brightly smiled at Gaia. 

“Actually, didn’t you want to tell us something important anyway once we  arrived in Arcadia?” Octavia remembered. 

“Um well, actually yes… but let’s go somewhere quiet, where nobody can hear us…”  Gaia  nervously admitted, and Raven suggested they’d all go to Room 3, Corridor 1. 

They walked in to the room and took a seat, either on the couch or on the chairs around the table. 

“Alright, can’t wait to hear about this juicy hot news that Raven was talking about…” Octavia grunted rather annoyed, since she made it clear in the past several times that she wasn’t interested in anything other than the events that happened after the time Clarke and Lexa had left Arcadia. 

“It’s nothing, really…” Gaia eventually decided that it was better to keep it to herself for now what Roan told her in the secret conference room. “This is just my research about the history and possible origins of Nightblood. 

“Then we’re done here?” Indra asked her daughter impatiently. 

“I think so. Raven and I might speak to Abby later… Or maybe tomorrow morning, depending on how busy she is.” Gaia nodded. 

“Something is on your mind. I can see it bothers you.” Indra didn’t exactly know how to approach her estranged daughter. 

“I’m just worried about the Natblida… And Lexa of course.”  Gaia replied. 

“Anyway we should rest for now and tomorrow continue with our search and the investigation.  I  can’t believe Lexa is keeping us busy like this when there’s so much more important work to do.” 

“Octavia.” Indra addressed her. “You have decided to live by our ways. That also means loyalty to the Commander. Whether or not you consider her a friend is irrelevant to your vow. You are a warrior. You  will  help to save and protect her.” 

Octavia sighed but she agreed and apologized eventually. 

“Raven, I have some research material for you. This is actually why I wanted to stay here in the first place. I stole a manuscript out of the flamekeeper’s library.” Gaia handed the book, her sketches and the camera to Raven. 

“Thank you very much. I will develop the pictures tomorrow and we go through the text and the drawings together. I’m really grateful for your hard and tireless work on this, Gaia.” Raven accepted thankfully and Gaia smiled. 

Kane, Indra and Octavia  left the room, leaving Gaia and Raven behind. 

“Does it make any sense that  Gaia asked us to go  to that room , just so she could hand over her research material to Raven?” Octavia asked. 

“To be honest, I could never understand my daughter. She was always a little bit like this.” Indra shook her head. “We may find out eventually if it’s something important. Have patience.” 

***

Abby ha d successfully completed the surgery on Roan. He slowly started to wake up. She didn’t tell anybody in Arcadia that this man was in fact no stranger to her. As soon as she found out Clarke was in Polis, she was wondering how Lexa’s people could have found her - who it eventually was that found her, after such a long time. When she was seeking out Lexa to ask her, all she said at first was that it had been a very dear and trusted friend of hers - but Abby didn’t give up and wanted more information about this person.  Abby was shocked at the revelation that  Lexa’s dear and trusted friend was no other than the Prince of Azgeda, but Lexa also told her not to worry, since he was not like his mother and would never harm Clarke or anybody who was precious to her. Abby was in fact confused about Lexa’s statement, but it was alright for her at this point, since he did in fact bring Clarke to Polis safely and unharmed. 

Now  Abby  might finally be as close as ever before to the answer to this torturing question that has been plaguing her for almost half a year now. Where are Clarke and Lexa? 

She clenches her sweating hand around the dagger she had previously seized from the Azgeda Prince, ready to attack whenever he would wake up and in case he became aggressive. 

“Where am I?”  Roan slowly c ame to his senses and look ed around the treatment room. 

“You are in Arcadia.” Abby coldly replied. 

“Skaikru?” He replied. The anesthesia left his body faster than Abby had anticipated. He was already quite  alert and awake. Abby’s pulse started to rise. 

“Yes.”  Abby replied. “I have a couple of questions for you, and I hope you have the answers. First of all, what did you want from Gaia? Why did you threaten her?” Abby began her interrogation. 

“I didn’t threaten her! The Skaikru warrior shot me without warning.” Roan defended himself. “I pursued the flamekeeper novitiate because I want to join you in the search for the Commander. My mother can not be in charge. Ontari is not fit to command. We must prevent her ascension.”

Abby listened and was surprised. Then she suddenly got disenchanted at the realization that he seems to not know anything about Clarke and Lexa’s whereabouts. 

“I wish you could have told me where to find her.”  Abby  replied. 

“Unfortunately  I can not.  For now, I wouldn’t even know where to start searching.” He answered honestly. 

“You found my daughter before. Do you think you could find her again?” Abby was desperate and she still didn’t  really  know if she could trust Roan unconditionally. However, this seems to be her last option, the last straw she could  grasp onto  in search of her beloved girls. 

“Honestly… Roan gasped when lifting himself off the bed. “Finding Clarke was easy. Now Lexa is with her.” He explains, trying not to let Abby see how much in pain he was. 

“Hey, take it easy. I just stitched you back together!” Abby forced him back on the bed. “Do you think they are still alive?” She asked him, hopeful he could give a realistic evaluation. 

“Just who the heck do you think you’re dealing with? If Lexa doesn’t want to be found, she won’t be. You’re wasting your time searching for  them .”  Roan look ed at Abby, then look ed away. “Yes I believe they are alive.” 

Abby breathes. She almost breaks out into tears of joy, but restrains herself again. She couldn’t be hopeful just yet, she needed more information. 

“How certain are you about that?” She questions. 

“I can’t be entirely certain of course, as I haven’t heard anything from them just as long as you have. Maybe even longer.”  Roan explains. 

“ Lexa trusted you with my daughter’s life. She asked you to bring her to Polis and you did…” Abby sighs. “How well did you know Lexa?” 

Roan looks at Abby, then lowered his gaze again. He sighed and closed his eyes. “I love her.” 

Abby swallowed heavily and her heart skipped a beat. She didn’t know how to reply, her  subconscious  wanted to make a connection but she forced herself not to, not unless  Roan elaborates as to what he meant by that . 

“You love  Lexa ?” she asked. Roan nodded. “You know she loves my daughter, right?” Abby asked.

“I’m aware.” The prince grumpily replied. 

Abby tried to  form words inside of her head, not wanting to jump  to conclusions  too fast and become impolite or too personal. “Did Lexa ever  tell you that she  loved you back?” She eventually  asked . 

“I can’t speak for her.”  Roan implied that he knew very well that Lexa didn’t love him. 

“Was your… relationship with her ever physical?” Abby just asked away, trying to get to the point, since she wouldn’t find out what she needed to know if she kept talking about feelings. 

Roan just nodded. 

“I know… this is a rather intimate question and I know it might be uncomfortable  for you to speak about this… you don’t have to answer me but… I’m a healer. Lexa  has also sought me out in the past.” 

  
“What do you want me to tell you?” Roan curiously asked, willing to give Abby the information she needed. 

“Were you ever… connected with Lexa? Did you…” Abby tried to phrase a question that was understandable yet still tactful. “Did you ever release within her?” 

Roan tried to hide his face and pulled the blanket over his head. “Why  is this of any significance?” He ranted underneath  the blanket . Abby pulled the blanket away. 

“Goodness, you are a warrior and act like a little boy who was caught stealing, just because I asked you a medically relevant question.” 

“Yes.” Roan coughed. “Is that enough?” 

“I heard what I needed to know…” Abby sighed and she had no idea whether or not she should tell him about the existence of Lexa’s child. She eventually decided to wait, at least until they knew more about Roan and if they could really trust him. 

“I’ll give you something for the pain.” Abby walked over to him and injected a substance into his IV drip. Roan immediately fell unconscious. 

“Hope that’s gonna  keep you  zone d out until  the  morning.”  Abby confidently nodded and left the room. 

***

Raven couldn’t wait until the next morning. Since she and Gaia couldn’t sleep anyway, they decided to quickly skim through the manuscript Gaia had taken with her. 

“This is very interesting, and I’m quite surprised to understand the language used in this so well.” Raven went through the pages. “Do you know who wrote this?” 

She curiously asked. 

“I’m not certain.” Gaia replied. “The author credited for this work is someone by the name Becca Franco. The first Commander is known to my people as Becca Pramheda. I don’t know whether or not they are  the same person .”

“What she describes actually matches Abby’s research. If I read this correctly, Becca created a substance to alter human individuals genetically so they would be immune to radiation. She immediately observed other positive side effects after treating the first patients. Autoimmune diseases just vanished shortly after treatment was completed. People did no longer contract viral, bacterial or fungal infection. Even cancer was cured, and among those who received the treatment, nobody actually ever developed cancer.” Raven reviewed. 

“And what is the meaning of this? What is cancer in this context? What are all the other things you just listed?” Gaia was interested and confused at the same time. She read the manuscript herself but could not understand the meaning of certain words. She was surprised to find that Raven knew what was going on and knew exactly what Becca Franco had written about. 

“Oh! Cancer is malignant cell growth. Tumors for example. Viral, bacterial or fungal infections are all kinds of diseases… um…” Raven tried to explain. 

“Plagues?” Gaia asked. 

“Yes for example. But also, you know, like a rash? That would also count.” 

“So this text describes Nightblood immunity?” Gaia asked, surprised.

“Correct. However it also states that people who received the treatment had no benefits in regards to bone fractures, soft tissue injuries or pre existing organ damage. Meaning it still won’t make you a superhuman or gives you high speed regeneration.” Raven continued explaining further. “Treatment begins like this: The substance is dissolved within a natrium chloride solution and the patient receives it as an IV drip. After a week the patient receives an intramuscular injection of half a dose. This process is repeated two more times. Within the next two to four weeks the patient’s blood turns black. The iron molecules of natural human blood will be entirely replaced with silver molecules, giving the patient an impenetrable immune barrier and the characteristic black blood.” 

“That’s so fascinating. It’s even greater than what I was ever told. The first commander created Nightblood to make people stronger and immune to diseases. I just don’t know why there’s just so few individuals then.” Gaia was thinking, but Raven explained further. 

“Well… there is a side effect.  Becca  wrote a chapter about fertility after the treatment… and this actually doesn’t look that bright. I mean, your people know that Nightbloods are sterile - and the reason why is explained in here too.” 

Gaia listened. 

“A side effect of the treatment is that the impenetrable immune system will immediately attack anything foreign to itself. That includes other human cell tissue as well.” Raven continues to read quietly to herself. She figured out that fertilization of an egg is most likely possible and usually always occurs - but the endometrium inside the womb of a Nightblood woman would reject or destroy a fertilized egg before it could successfully implant itself, however - 

“Gaia, she writes that there is about a 2% chance of a defect in the immune barrier. Meaning out of 100 Nightbloods, about two will be able to procreate. I have to show this to Abby!” 

“Two out of 100 is not much, but this also isn’t as definitive as what I had been taught… and especially what Lexa was taught. Maybe this is why Flamekeepers are told they have to ensure celibacy of the Commander.” Gaia sighed. 

“Are they teaching you to keep a hand between the Commander and any potential lover in flamekeeper academy?” Raven sassed. 

“No, don’t worry, there’s no place for dirty imaginations.” Gaia replied jokingly while Raven moved forward to the next chapter. 

“The Flame… Ugh I wanted to do this tomorrow but it’s kinda interesting…” Raven rubbed her eyes but continued to read. 

“So it’s apparently a mind drive, as we figured before. It may even contain an artificial intelligence of some sort… and it was used as an... encyclopedia. It even states it could create something like a collective consciousness.” Whatever,  it will have to wait until the morning as  I’m really getting tired.” Raven yawned. 

“We should go to sleep then.” Gaia agreed. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning - character deaths   
> Spoiler at chapter's end.

Three months later.

Winter has finally passed and the woods are being reborn in a beautiful and shining light green. 

At the seaside, people of Floukru have been busy with repairs and maintenance ever since the last snow finally melted away. 

A few people have been granted safe passage over the winter months, yet nobody was able to provide any concrete news or information about what had been happening in Polis. The situation was weirdly calm, but then again, winter was not usually the best time of the year to fight wars and make reformations. 

With the coming of spring, Luna began to feel more and more uneasy. She grew concerned at the thought of being discovered. Sure, the island was closest to the dry land belonging to Blue Cliff, but if they were to be assimilated by Azgeda, refugees would have to be taken from hostile land. This was something she had feared in particular, since the chances of being discovered would increase significantly this way. 

The birth of Lexa’s child was approaching, but that also meant that Lexa would have to leave soon as well. Luna disliked the thought of  that . Sure,  Lexa was and is a great leader and always guided not just her own people, but her coalition very well - still she was gone for more than an entire winter now and her future seemed very unclear. 

Luna prayed that her friend would stay strong and reclaim  her  command, but at the same time knew how risky this is going to be.

“I didn’t want you to die then. I don’t want you to die now either.” She told  Lexa once while they walked along the beach together. 

“I envy you for clinging onto life so much.” Lexa replied coldly. “Haven’t we always been told that for us, the Natblida, life and death were equal?” 

“And haven’t you told me it’s time for us, the Natblida to reclaim our lives?” Luna corrected her.

“Yes. I stand by this. As it is the birthright of everything that lives, to own their life. Regardless, I find it hard to unlearn what for all these years was so heavily imposed onto me.” Lexa sighed worriedly. 

“Because you still don’t trust your heart. Just try to let it guide you for once.” Luna softly sp oke  while squeezing Lexa’s hand. 

Lexa became quite still for a few moments. She loo ked out to the sea - then at the sky. Luna watches how the wind blew into her face. A little tear r an down her cheek, but it wasn’t quite obvious if this was due to the wind - or Lexa’s feelings. 

“You know that I would not leave… if I let my heart guide me for once.” Lexa eventually turned her gaze to Luna. 

“And it will be alright.” Luna assured her that she was not expecting Lexa to leave. She offered her  the opportunity once again that she could stay with her child, Clarke and even their family dog Picasso. 

“Luna… you know this is not an option.”  Lexa desperately sighed. 

Luna walked over to Lexa and wrapped her arms around her. “I gave myself to the miracle of the sea.” She whisper ed into her ear. “And if we will never see each other again, please know that you will forever have a place in my heart. You are forgiven. My anger and bitterness I once held for you, ha s fallen into dust.” 

“Thank you, my friend.” Lexa whispered back, holding tightly onto her. 

“Once I dreamed that you were mine. But I know your heart belongs to her - and that’s alright. At least you never gave up on love after all. Even if you die, you were loved and have loved in return.” 

“I’m sorry.” Lexa replied. 

“Don’t be.” Luna lets go of Lexa and places a gentle kiss on her forehead. 

Sometimes Lexa remembers those moments and she feels happy and fulfilled that Luna had told her those last few precious words. It felt so weird, so bittersweet in a way. At first Lexa was scared when finding out she was having a child. Now she feels so grateful for the experience. She knew her death was probably near - but thanks to her child she was allowed to spend her last few months with Clarke - in a village of mostly wholesome and friendly people. A community of love and unity. A family. 

Lexa knew she would greatly miss it - but couldn’t thank fate enough for this last gift of her life. 

She smiles when sitting on her rug again, Clarke  sitting  behind her combing and braiding her hair.

“Just about three or four weeks to go” Clarke smiled when  finishing Lexa’s  last braid with a wooden pearl bead. “Are you scared at all?” She asked, referring to the birth. 

“No. Not at all. How about you, Klark?” Lexa smiled at her beloved. 

“Let’s say I’m excited - but I trust you, Lexa. I’m sure you will do amazingly.” Clarke leans against Lexa’s back, hugging her tightly from behind. They stayed like this for a while, enjoying being this close with one another.

“Lexa! Clarke!” The door flung open. Madi stomped inside, absolutely exhausted and out of breath. 

“Dammit Madi, th is  better be an emergency.” Clarke grunted and Lexa couldn’t help but laugh at Clarke’s reaction. 

“There’s a new arrival! He’s Skaikru!”  Madi shouted and ran back out again. 

Clarke let go of Lexa and a serious look  appeared  on her face. She felt shocked at the revelation all of a sudden.

“I’ll go have a look  who it is … please stay here.” Clarke got up and walked out of the door, following Madi who ran towards Luna’s home. 

At first, Lexa did as Clarke said, but shortly after, she heard people shouting and yelling outside - Clarke’s voice in particular , and  that’s why she decided to have a look anyway. 

Lexa opened the door and saw a gathering of people outside. She approached the crowd, calling and searching for Clarke. When people noticed Lexa, they stepped aside to make space for her ,and then she got a glimpse of Clarke who was talking with a Skaikru man she also briefly knew. 

“Klark! Why is John Murphy here?”  Lexa asked. 

“Ask Derek!” Clarke shouted at Lexa. 

Derek first looked at Clarke, then at Lexa and then at Clarke again. 

“He was dehydrated and passed out at the beach. I had no idea if he wanted safe passage but he needed help. I won’t let anybody die. He was unarmed, so I brought him here and gave him water.” 

Murphy looked at Lexa without saying a word. Then he looked at Clarke “Punch me ,  Griffin.” 

“What? Why should I punch you?” Clarke asked, exasperated. 

“Because I’m either dead or insane. I see Lexa over there - and she’s broiling a rabbit.” Murphy shouted. 

“John Murphy.” Lexa approached “I am in fact real, however I’m obviously not broiling anything, especially no rabbit.” 

“Lexa ,  wait, that’s… a derogatory expression for pregnancy.” Clarke interrupted  as she p lac ed the palm of her hand over her face.

“If this is the case, John Murphy… this is not funny.” Lexa snarled at him. 

“Hey, you know what’s not funny either? That crazy Grounders blew up Mount Weather, directly underneath our asses!” Murphy snarled right back. “But hey, I’m glad at least I found the two hide and seek champions of the year. Glad you useless lesbians are alive after all.” 

“John Murphy, wait - what do you mean?” Lexa grabbed his elbow and turned  to look  at him with a serious gaze. Clarke was just standing by  her side , her expression concerned. She heard the news from him just seconds before.

“Just what I said. Mount Weather was blown up. Our people were right in the process of settling in. I have no idea who’s dead and who was in Arcadia at the  time  of the explosion.” 

Lexa’s heart sank and she felt her knees starting to tremble and getting weak. “Do you know who was responsible for this?” She breathed heavily. 

“Well, the crazy Ice Queen. She’s taken your throne and declared you dead.  It’s just a matter of time before she makes Ontari Commander… She needed something from you she couldn’t find. Titus doesn’t have it either.”  Murphy explained. 

“How do you know about the flame?” Lexa grabbed his coat in anger. Murphy was frightened, but at the same time felt like an idiot for fearing he’s about to get his ass kicked by a heavily pregnant woman. 

“Easy , Lexa!” Murphy got scared and he tried to  loosen  her grip from his coat. 

“Lexa ,  calm down!” Clarke walked over to her and placed her hand on Lexa’s shoulder. 

“ Ontari kept me chained in her chamber, as… some sort of slave. Octavia, Lincoln and Emori helped me escape but I don’t know where they are now.” Murphy told the events of the past weeks and months. 

“I will surely prevent this  from happening .” Lexa glared at him. 

“What? How are you planning to do that?” Murphy asked, confused. 

“As soon as my child is safely delivered, I will return to Polis and reclaim  my  command. 

“Hell no way, Lexa! That’s suicide! Be glad you got away unharmed and ended up here. Th at  place is lost! The blood runs ankle deep in the streets and…”   
  
  


“Mmmmh…” Lexa suddenly lowered her gaze and she bent forward, obviously in pain and distress. She h eld her stomach with one hand, while the other clutch ed tighter around Murphy’s coat, pulling him slightly down.

“Lexa!” Clarke calls out and comes to her aid immediately. 

“Shit, is she alright?” Murphy asked. 

Lexa nodded. “Yes. I may rest. This… was a little much information at once.” She lets go of  Murphy’s coat. “Klark… please come with me.” 

“Send for Luna, she is not supposed to le t him out of sight.” Clarke told Madi before walking back to the cottage with Lexa. 

“Please get on the bed.” Clarke gently whispered to Lexa as they walked back inside. “Are you alright?” She asked worriedly. 

“I don’t know, Klark. This was really painful.” Lexa sounded rather helpless. 

“That was probably one of the first contractions.” Clarke’s pulse was racing and she desperately tried to calm Lexa down. “Relax, it doesn’t mean the baby  will  come now.  Labor  usually takes  a very long  time  and  this  could also mean absolutely nothing.” 

“She is too young to be born, Klark.” Lexa grabbed Clarke’s sleeve with her hand. 

“Oh don’t worry, three weeks early is still mature enough for life outside the womb. Of course it’s not ideal but… she should be fine.” Clarke gently brushed over  Lexa’s hair.

“I’ll wash my hands and… then I’ll feel your cervix and see if you’re dilated at all…” Clarke felt weird talking so medically with Lexa, but she felt that this was probably the only helpful way to express it right now. 

“Please don’t leave me alone, Klark.” Lexa was worried and suddenly a little scared. 

“Hey, I will just wash my hands.”  Clarke hugged  Lexa gently before leaving. “Why did this asshat Murphy have to show up right at this moment?” Clarke spoke to herself quietly inside her head. She was puzzled and torn apart. Her thoughts were with Lexa, who might go into labor any moment, but at the same time she worried about her people - since apparently Murphy couldn’t provide any information about who may or may not be alive right now. 

Clarke  returned only moments later with clean hands, to find Lexa curling herself into a fetal position on the bed. She was just done breathing through another contraction. 

“Oh damn…” Clarke now got  really  nervous. 

“Thank you for returning so fast, Klark.” Lexa was holding her belly and felt relieved at the sight of Clarke. “  the  storm is over for now.” She whispered softly. 

“Are you comfortable?” Clarke asked and Lexa nodded. “Should I help you out of your pants?” 

“Yes, please.” Lexa gladly agreed, since they had become quite uncomfortable anyway. 

“Please relax and continue breathing” Clarke said while calmly stroking over Lexa’s inner thigh before carefully inserting two fingers deeply into her. It felt weirdly sensual. Lexa was incredibly sensitive and enormously swollen. Clarke hadn’t noticed that last time they made love.  It took  a while  for Clarke to locate  Lexa’s  cervix and  she  was shocked at what she felt.  Lexa’s cervix had opened and softened considerably and she was able to comfortably insert the tips of two fingers - and even stretch it open a little. 

“Oh wow…” Clarke sighed at what she felt. “Does this feel painful or uncomfortable?” She asked, but Lexa just shook her head. 

Clarke withdrew from her and wiped her fingers on her sweater. Then she wiped the sweat off her brow and couldn’t care less that those were the fingers who had just been inside Lexa.

“You are probably  going to give birth today… or tonight.” Clarke almost cried at the realization. 

“This is a little sudden…” Lexa was nervous but smiled regardless. 

“Would you like to take a bath or… have a massage?” Clarke asked, since she wanted to help Lexa and make those last few hours before giving birth as comfortable and pleasant as somehow possible  for her . 

“That would be wonderful.” Lexa agreed. 

“Please don’t think of it anymore… not for now… Clarke tried to calm Lexa down and take her thoughts away from the casualties that died at Azgeda’s hands. She knew Lexa would take the blame for it, but her head needed to be clear. 

***

The situation in Arcadia had become dire after the detonation of Mount Weather. 49 people died in the explosion, mostly youth and farmers. Civilians of Skaikru.It was clear that this had been a provocation of Queen Nia. She wanted to see whether or not Skaikru would strike back. Roan confirmed those suspicions and  was aware that his mother would be capable of doing this, even if that meant she takes the risk of Skaikru pulling their trump card. 

“She expects us to utilize the biochemical weapon, which we can’t because we don’t have it. Her move was a clear declaration of war. Nobody would ignore this. She probably suspected that our biochemical weapon doesn’t exist in the first place, since nobody would be this weak and ignore such an attack.” Kane concluded. 

“So what are we  going to do ? What is your suggestion?” Abby asked. 

“We hold Arcadia - that’s  the only thing we can do at the moment. Polis is lost and  Nia will declare the conclave and Ontari’s ascension any day.” Roan stated. Abby had a word with him about his past with Lexa. She urged him to keep the details of their relationship to himself. Luckily Gaia went to Abby right away with her information, so currently it’s just the two of them who know about “the secret''.

Gaia and Raven had to  stop researching on Nightblood for the moment, but to Raven’s disappointment she may not have been able to construct cybernetic augmentations for herself anyway. 

Bellamy ha d gone missing after the detonation, and it’s speculated that the girl he was with, Echo, activated the self destruct mechanism inside the Mountain. Roan confirmed that she was a spy and also an assassin. Kane believes her to be responsible  for the explosion.

“The only thing we can still do is sneak into Polis and assassinate the Ice Queen and the fake Commander.” Octavia suggested. “Don’t look at me like that. I know it’s against the coalition’s law, but that’s going to be abolished soon anyway, once Nia is in charge.We have to save our society and our people.” Octavia implied that Ontari was merely a puppet of Nia. 

“Anya told me that the Conclave will be held in the next few days…” Indra stated, confirming Roan’s previous claims. “Let’s see and hope. Maybe Aden will defeat Ontari.” She sighed.

“If he doesn’t, I’ll do it.” Octavia declared. 

“You should be able to take out my mother. I’ll deal with Ontari.” Roan announced and was met by a flabbergasted expression of Octavia’s. “Now you don’t look at me like t hat . You can’t do this alone. I’ll help.” He expressed. 

“So if the two of you are willing to go through with this plan, you need instructions. Indra explained, implying that Roan was way too bull headed to have a plan. “I’ll instruct you now on how to infiltrate the tower.” She continued. “You need to climb up the elevator shaft -  climb past  all  the  levels, until you reach the throne room. 

Indra explained the layout and probable location of the Queen and Ontari - not knowing that the preparations for the conclave were already in process as they speak. 

***

“We have been waiting throughout the winter and I’ve had enough.” Queen Nia fiercely declared as she rose from the Commander’s throne.

“The decision is made, for I am the Queen. Tonight, I declare the beginning of a new era. Bring forth the Natblida! Prepare for the holy Conclave and the Ascension of Azgeda. Even without the flame, even without a true ascension – she will prevail and take her rightful place.”

Titus began to grow nervous. He wanted to object but was aware Nia would never accept his advice. He told her several times before that without the flame there is no proper ascension – and without ascension, nobody would accept her as Heda. Deep inside however, he wanted to avoid Ontari from becoming Commander at all cost. He knew  that  she lacks wisdom and humility and therefore was not fit to command.

“Then I shall abide by it.” He gritted his teeth and went to the quarters of the Nightblood.

As the children went outside to the marketplace, Ontari was already waiting for them and drew her sword, ready to kill. She runs towards a young Nightblood boy who bravely tried to defend himself, even managed to fend her off twice – however it was no use. The third strike took him out. The child fell to his knees, then on to his side.  Ontari forcefully aim ed her sword at his neck once, then lean ed forward to pick up his head. 

“ONE DOWN!”  Ontari  calls out, holding it up before tossing it aside. Nia smirked with contentment as she had just barely walked down the stairs to take her seat. Titus sighed with despair, loyal to his Queen, yet still worried about the future that was about to come.

Ontari runs behind the flame keeper's chapel, since she saw two Nightblood girls running there before.

“Teaming up at this point is not going to save you later, my friends.”  Ontari smirks devilishly, wielding her sword once again, so certain of her impending victory. Her feet produced loud foot steps as she approached the scrap metal that was disposed of behind the chapel. The two girls were holding their swords in front of themselves, standing back to back behind the scraps, ready to attack. Ontari approache d them, aware of having the upper hand.

“Ready to die whenever you are!”  Ontari called out. “It’s pathetic. This is everything your precious Lexa taught you?  To  hide like cowards? I didn’t even try to be quiet, yet not even  the  two of you have even tried to make a move? Now let’s see if two at once are a match for me!” Ontari pierced the sheet metal with her sword in one thrust, using brute force. One of the girls immediately went down, fatally wounded. The other one however took the metal sheet into her hands and threw herself against it with her full body weight, attempting to knock Ontari over. Then she str uck – but only cut Ontari’s shoulder. As she tried to strike again, Ontari rolled over, jumped back onto her feet and took the girl’s head off with one strong blow.

Then  Ontari took the other girl’s head  off as well,  and  walk ed with both of them to the body of the boy she previously killed, presenting the trophy to her Queen.

“The oldest of the Natblida is still three years younger than Ontari. She is at an unfair physical advantage and dominates each of them with ease!” Titus tries to reason with Nia in vain.

“Nonsense!” She shouted back at him. “Lexa was the youngest at her conclave and she still won! This is not an argument.” Nia silenced him, when she saw Ontari walking around the corner, dragging the decapitated bodies of the Nightblood girls and holding their heads with the other hand.

“The pride of Azgeda.”  Nia look ed into the girl’s eyes as she  spoke .

“Not yet my Queen.” Ontari replies. “Four more heads to collect.” Her obscenely bloodthirsty eyes were glowing with the urge to slaughter. She tosses the heads on top of the first she took and proceeds to look for the remaining four children. Nia turns her head, facing Titus and devilishly smiles at him. 

Ontari walks  through the marketplace, her face and clothes soaked in the blood of her victims she had previously slain. She noticed right away that someone had been following her on top of the roof, but decided not to give herself away, pretending she did indeed not notice.

She continues walking, waiting for the child to jump. She knew a sword would be pointed at her, but she already knew what she was going to do. The young boy could not anticipate how well the older Azgeda girl saw through his strategy, how she led him right into her trap. He jumps, ready for the kill– but she just draws her sword, aiming to strike – and she did not miss. “You were even easier than the others. Lexa’s disciples are no match for me. Three more to go and I finally get to wash the filth of your blood off of me.”

As she was walking back to the tower, dragging the lifeless body of the boy after her, the wound on her arm she previously took from one of the Nightblood girls was oozing and burning. Ontari didn’t care, she couldn’t afford to show any signs of weakness.

Suddenly she was being approached by two other children, a boy and a girl. Ontari dropped the body of her last victim and drew her blade once more. The children said  nothing , but instead started to attack her at the same time. This was not as easy of a fight as her previous ones. Those two Natblida were older and stronger. Ontari almost thought she would need to let herself get stabbed in order to deliver the final blow, at least to one of them – but she just had to wait for a moment when one of the two got sloppy and  let their guard down. She dodged mostly all of their blade strikes, strategically wearing them out this way.  Ontari  didn’t waste any opportunity to disarm the girl first, now wielding two blades at the same time. She quickly plunges one of them into the girl’s heart – before stabbing the boy as well, just merely half an inch before he could slice her head off right below her eyes. Ontari’s own blood ran down her cheek, as she realized the boy had managed to merely scratch her. “Nice try. I was faster.” She snarled. 

As  Ontari  realized how there was just one more fight ahead of her, she began to laugh like a maniac, psychopathic and obscene. Her laughter almost made  h er not realize that Aden was standing behind her. He began to run - almost delivering the fatal blow, but missed by merely an inch. 

Aden and Ontari were standing eye to eye.

“So you are the last of Lexa’s disciples?” Ontari asked. She was already very badly wounded, yet still confident she would win.

“You didn’t even ask the names of the other Novitiates you slaughtered.” Aden remarked, his voice bitter with sadness.

“They were weak and worthless. They deserved to die. Just like you.” She snarled, exhausted and fighting for air.

“You should surrender. You are already more dead than alive.” Said Aden.

“How dare you tell me this?” Ontari replied angrily. “I will rest once you’re dead.” She point ed h er sword at the younger boy.

“Since this is going to be the only fair fight you are having tonight, I wouldn’t be so certain of your victory.” Aden wanted to speak wisely but just ended up provoking the Azgeda girl.

“My name is Aden.” He tells her.

“And why would I need to know that? Your life ends here, right now with just one blow of this sword anyway, because you are weak and worthless too!” Ontari’s eyes were glowing with rage and fury.

“No Ontari. I’m stronger than you.” He replied. “It’s just you and me now.”

“No Aden. It’s just – me.”  Ontari spoke her final words before attacking.

Ontari st ood above Aden. The boy was fatally wounded, since he took Ontari’s sword through his chest. It pierced his lung, making him cough blood, barely able to breathe. It was a fair fight, an honorable death at least – he closed his eyes and knew this was the end. He could no longer feel the last blow of Ontari’s sword when she took his head.

The conclave was over.  Ontari was now rightfully Commander. Without any sorrow or compassion for her opponents, she was just concerned with the fact that she had to drag the bodies of the children she had slaughtered one by one before her Queen. 

***

It was shortly before sunset. Just merely an hour before Queen Nia declared the conclave, when Madi opened the door to Luna’s cottage and did not knock. 

Without saying a word, the Floukru leader stared at the girl with a questioning expression. 

“Lexa is in labor. She requested your presence.” Madi said before disappearing again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the Nightbloods. I took no pleasure in writing this. Sadly it had to happen :(


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright kru, heavy content warning here.  
> Very graphic description of childbirth. Much Nightblood for obvious reasons.

“Lexa… you requested my presence.” Luna whispered softly when closing the door behind her. “I’m here.” She stayed at the door, waiting patiently and holding herself back at what she saw.

Lexa was sitting on the bed, panting heavily. Madi was just done squeezing a wet patch of cotton and began to gently wipe Lexa’s forehead with it. The young girl just kicked her shoes off, not really caring that they weren’t left neatly at the door. Madi was out of breath, yet so gentle and caring for the older girl she admired so strongly. Lexa tried to give her a smile, expressing how grateful she is for the younger Natblida’s help, but she had to focus on the next contraction.

“Breathe… Lexa, just breathe. That’s right, you’re doing so well.” Clarke was a little nervous, but tried instructing her calmly nonetheless.

As the wave reached its peak, Lexa moaned loudly as she exhaled. She didn’t scream but couldn’t hide her agony any longer. She took a few breaths before gazing at Luna.

“I’m glad you came,” Lexa whispered to Luna after the storm had finally calmed down again.

“Me too” Clarke turned around to smile at Luna, who walked closer towards the scene, kneeling, and taking Lexa’s hand.

“You are so brave.” Luna’s soft voice was calming Lexa down. Lexa was so glad to have the support of her friends. “Someone should bring clean towels and fresh water. Is it alright to send John Murphy?” Luna asked.

Lexa nodded but she noticed that another contraction was approaching. She couldn't care less who would bring the supplies, if that meant her loved ones wouldn’t leave her side.

“I’ll send for him then.” Luna felt a little bad that she had to utilize the new arrival for this task, but she couldn’t think of anybody who wasn’t otherwise occupied right at this moment. After all, the birth was not anticipated at this moment. The baby was about three weeks early.

Lexa was not afraid. She was strong and brave. She was restless yet contained herself despite the agonizing pain. Lexa doesn’t cry. She doesn’t scream. She just moans loudly as she exhales. One wave after the other. Her body has never tested her like this before. She knew pain, but she never had to endure it for so long, working alongside her suffering to reach what was at the end of the journey, the battle – the birth.

“You are not alone. We are with you. We are doing this together.” Clarke affirmed, gently stroking Lexa’s hair.

“Someone asked for water and clean towels?” The door opened suddenly, and Murphy stepped in, embarrassed at first at what he saw. He actually just wanted to make his presence known without feeling like an intruder.

“Knock you idiot!” Clarke shouted as she saw Murphy delivering the supplies.

“KLARK!” Lexa clutched onto her loved one’s elbow as another contraction took possession of her.

Murphy stood there and waited patiently until Lexa’s contraction was over.

“Can I speak with her?” His question came as quite a surprise to everybody. Lexa just looked at him and nodded. Murphy approached hesitantly.

“Hey um… Lexa… you’re doing great just… wanted to tell you that.” He whispered while Luna, Clarke and Madi watched him skeptically.

“I’ve heard that before…” Lexa forced the words out of her throat, trying very hard not to get distracted before willing herself to breath.

“One of you should apply counter pressure on her back.” I’d do it but… not gonna touch her without permission.

“What?” Murphy looked around as he saw the questioning expressions on the women’s faces.

“Murphy, how come you know about childbirth?” Clarke’s brow furrowed.

“Yeah, I was given shelter at an old midwife in Sangedakru for a while… I’ve seen things...” He explained to everyone’s surprise. “Had to help out sometimes… when there’s two at once.”

“You helped deliver babies?” Clarke shook her head in disbelief and astonishment, but she couldn’t care less in this moment, at least there was someone who was knowledgeable.

“The things you learn as a banished hobo.” Murphy smirked angrily at Clarke.

“EN PLENI!” Lexa growled as she clutched at Clarke’s sleeve. She was fighting for air, her pain increasing more and more.

“Will you allow me?” He asked and Lexa just nodded. “Sorry I didn’t want to argue with the Princess.”

“Alright, just lean against my hands if you…” John couldn’t even finish his sentence before Lexa felt her womb tensing again. To her surprise, the counter pressure was really a fantastic relief.

“Thank you.” Lexa gasped as the contraction was over. Who would have thought that this Skaikru thief was such a compassionate and knowledgeable midwife? Certainly not her.

“Get over here Princess, I think it’s better if you do it.” Murphy instructed Clarke. “Just listen to Lexa and… her body language.”

“Thanks. Lexa and I are… great with body language.” Clarke tried very hard not to argue but she was a great learner. She helped Lexa through every wave, but it started getting harder, as the contractions became stronger and approached in shorter intervals.

Lexa soon had to change her position. She had to get upright and was kneeling on the bed, struggling to breathe in her usual rhythm. Clarke feels helpless at seeing her this way. She was conscious, yet unresponsive, consumed by pain and agony. 

“Don’t breathe too fast!” Luna softly speaks. She gets up and stands in front of the bed, cupping Lexa’s face with one of her palms. “Give yourself to the miracle of the sea.”

Lexa seemed to hear her. She leaned forward, pressing her head into Luna’s shoulder. She was suddenly focused – and quiet. It was plainly obvious. This was the silence before the storm.

Madi bravely stayed at Lexa’s side, wiping the sweat off her face, brushing her hair away and offering Lexa some water to drink occasionally. She eventually dared to touch Lexa’s back, feeling it’s rise and fall with every breath she took. “It is such an honor to witness this miracle. Thank you, Lexa.” She whispers, not knowing whether or not Lexa could hear her, but she doesn’t care.

“Hey kid, this is gonna be a bloody disaster… you sure you’re alright with this?” Murphy asked. Nobody noticed that he was even still present.

“If Lexa wants me to leave, I’ll obey. Otherwise, I’ll stay and help her. I’m an adult and this is a night of life. Nothing to fear.” Madi bluntly responded. “Make yourself useful and get a cup of water for her to drink.” Madi orders him. “Quit gathering dust in the corner.” She winked at him with one eye.

“Never heard someone say fuck off so eloquently.” Murphy got up and left the cottage. Lexa jolted twice and nobody could tell if it was a cough or if she honestly giggled. Madi smiled, but Clarke and Luna deliberately ignored it.

As soon as he was gone, Clarke used the time to check Lexa again. She feels how much the baby already descended . Lexa’s cervix had fully dilated. Clarke got nervous and she prepared herself to catch the baby.

“It’s time Lexa…” Clarke brushes a hand over her hair. She was torn apart to see her beloved one in so much pain. “You have to push when you feel another contraction…” Clarke was stroking over Lexa’s back, but Lexa tensed, implying that she rather wanted Clarke’s hand to just rest on her skin while she pushed.

The next contraction was so unbearably painful. Lexa hyperventilated with an open mouth. She pushed but cried out immediately as it was just too much to handle.

“Continue like this. Bear down when you feel the wave.” Luna whispers. “Be confident, hang on!”

Clarke was impressed that Lexa never screamed until this point. She truly was a warrior. Still, she was trembling and almost fainted from pain.

“I CAN’T!” Lexa screams for the first time. Her hair was drenched with sweat, her hands were trembling, and her body was completely drained from strength and determination. No matter how hard she seemed to push, her child didn’t appear to descend any further.

“You are almost there! Just one more push!” Clarke almost forgot to breathe herself. She wanted this to finally be over, to finally get the child out of Lexa. Another contraction approached, almost immediately after the previous one - and this time it appeared to consume Lexa entirely. Her water broke and she finally felt the little one descend down into her pelvic canal and emerge from her womb. Lexa felt like she was tearing apart between her legs. She almost passed out and let go of Luna.

“Yu gonplei nou ste odon Lexa!” Madi quickly shakes her awake. “Stay with us.”

“Yes.” Lexa whispered at Madi’s words.

“Dammit…” Clarke cursed as she realized the baby was still inside of Lexa.

“Her muscles are strong… and this is her first. It takes as long as it takes.” Luna looks at Clarke who almost snapped from anxiety. 

Clarke pulled herself together. Her hands were cold and trembling as she touched Lexa’s thighs, guiding her to spread a little wider.

Clarke’s fingertips were tracing a crowning baby head. She smiled at the realization. At least something was happening. Clarke felt how much Lexa was stretched apart, how her skin almost tore. She tried to carefully stretch and massage Lexa’s entrance, trying to help with the process. “Come out already…” She whispered nervously.

“Patience.” Luna was nervous herself, but she didn’t want to cause any panic. Lexa was focused despite the pain and she had to fight through this now.

It hurt Lexa so much – this was a literal battle. The head and shoulders of the baby were pressing against her inner pelvic bone, bruising and tearing her soft tissues from the inside. She felt everything. There was no remedy.

“Hey, It’s going to be OK, you almost did it!” Clarke calls out with tears in her eyes while holding Lexa’s thighs apart with her hands. She could see the baby’s head slide out a little further – but then slide back in.

“Lexa… please… you have to push her out now. Just push once more and it will be over.” Clarke encouraged her beloved.

“Klark… Ai gonplei ste odon.” Lexa cried, exhausted and powerless. She was so desperate, neither Clarke nor Luna have ever seen her like this before. Madi was so worried.

“HELL NO!” Clarke cried out desperately. “I need your spirit to stay right where it is and get this child out now!”

Lexa closed her eyes and got herself into an upright position again – on her knees with her thighs spread as wide as possible. She focused once again, closed her eyes and reached between her legs. Lexa seems to have suddenly transcended into something different, almost as if she was no longer human.

Sweat was dripping from Lexa’s brow, her cheeks were flushed, and she snarled and growled like a wounded animal as she felt one more wave approaching.

And there it was again – Lexa felt the pain and swore to herself that this is the last one. She was fed up with suffering, she was ready to defeat herself once and for all. The pain of tearing apart was strong – still she didn’t give up. 

One more push and Lexa finally feels how the child’s head emerges from her body. She again reaches between her legs, and can feel her child’s head and a small part of the shoulder. She reaches inside of herself and instinctively pulls the baby out of her own womb with both of her hands.

Lexa feels how her child slides out of herself and it was so relieving and satisfying. She did it – and she won this battle. However, the sensation of sudden emptiness almost made her pass out. Clarke was holding her for support and reached for a clean towel to wrap around the baby.

The little one immediately started to cry and wiggle in her mother’s hands. Lexa had no idea what she was feeling at this very moment. She was confused. It felt like she had just entered another world – another existence. Clarke stares at the baby with tears in her eyes. “Oh my god. She’s so perfect. Just like you.” She whispers softly, out of breath and with tears in her eyes.

Lexa was weak and trembling. Clarke feels how she was melting into her arms like butter while she strokes a hand over Lexa’s cheek.

“Klark…” Lexa held her baby with trembling arms. She felt so cold from blood loss and exhaustion.

“It’s over. You did it.” Clarke held Lexa close, arms wrapped tightly around her.

“Open her shirt.” Luna said. She had carefully watched in awe how Lexa brought her child into the world and gave the new family this precious first moment together before eventually feeling that her help was needed. Clarke did as she said and helped the little one with her first meal.

The baby had a great latch and calmed down as soon as she heard and felt Lexa’s heartbeat again. She had been listening to it for almost nine months after all. Tear streaks ran down Lexa’s cheeks again as she felt the baby on her skin for the first time. She was still covered in Nightblood, the umbilical cord still attached to Lexa’s womb.

“You were right, Klark. Life is about more than just surviving.” Lexa said with a sore voice, her hands still soaked with her blood. She wanted to look at her newborn baby. She was small and fragile, yet alert and a bundle of pure life, strength and energy.

“I was right… It’s a girl.” Lexa smiled at the realization and slowly started regaining strength, just from feeling this much love.

“She will be safe with us.” Luna begins to cry as she speaks to her friend. “She will be handed to a nursing mother several times per day and night.” She promised.

“Klark… I need to ascend again now. I must leave in the morning. Please bring me the flame.” Lexa began to cry, her voice still soft and calm.

“What? Why now? You can hardly stand up!” Clarke desperately tried to make Lexa stay at least for a few more days.

“There isn’t much time, I have to leave… Our people need their Heda.” It broke Lexa’s heart as she spoke those words. She wanted to stay with her newborn daughter so badly, but it had to be done, there was no way around it.

Clarke got up from the bed as she started crying. This felt so wrong, so unbearably terrible. Lexa just gave birth and now this child was literally going to be torn from her breast. She hated to think about this, she wanted to scream, she felt like breaking down – but she knew this wouldn’t change anything. Clarke was a mess and still felt nervous and agitated by watching Lexa’s struggle, euphoric because the baby was delivered in perfect health – yet at the same time heartbroken because she was given the terrible task to help Lexa ascend – and maybe never see her again after tomorrow.

Clarke got up and began to go through her belongings. She didn’t want to do this but she knew there was no choice.

“Hey… Clarke.” Murphy had just returned with the water, briefly catching a glimpse of the newborn baby. Clarke was surprised about his seriousness, not calling her princess but actually referring to her by her actual name.

“I’ll do it. You don’t have to go through this. Tell me how and I will give her the flame. I know what she means to you.” He wrapped his arms around Clarke in an attempt to calm her down.

“Ontari talked with you about the flame?” Clarke asked, breaking away from him. She tries to dry her tears, but ends up smudging Lexa’s blood all over her face, without noticing it.

“Where is it?” Murphy asked.

“I don’t know, it’s not here.” Clarke replies.

“What does it look like?” Murphy asked and started helping her in the search.

“It’s… a metal box, I don’t know, about this size” Clarke showed him the approximate size with her fingers. “Inside is some small crystal, or… something that looks like a crystal.”

Lexa was alert as she noticed the two of them were looking for the flame but couldn’t find it anywhere. She turned around to look at Clarke. Luna noticed it as well and looked around the room. Suddenly it hit her.

“Where is Madi?”

“Not present.” Murphy bluntly replied after a few seconds.

“I figured that out myself. When did she sneak out?” Luna asked nervously, looking at Lexa.

“I’m sure you noticed that I was otherwise occupied, sorry but I don’t know.” Lexa glared back at her.

“Madi is gone… the flame is gone… that’s not good I guess?” Murphy asked.

“Not good at all…” Lexa replied. Her newborn daughter just finished feeding and fell asleep peacefully. “Hold her, I will get dressed quickly and join the search.”

“The umbilical cord is still attached to your womb. No Lexa you won’t.” Luna held her back.

“We will go and look for her.” Clarke grabbed Murphy’s hand and they ran out of the door.

Lexa was sorrowfully looking after them. “Hey, they will find her.” Luna took Lexa’s hand into her own. “You have Nightblood on your face.” She couldn’t help but smile when she noticed.

“So did Klark… and she just ran out like that.” Lexa sighed as she remembered.

“Clarke is looking for Madi… probably running from house to house, with your blood all over her face…” Luna shook her head and rolled her eyes.

“I don’t think Klark will be bothered by that very much. It would be funny if it wasn’t so embarrassing…” Lexa tries to distract herself with small talk, because she fears the worst.

Meanwhile Clarke and Murphy couldn’t find Madi anywhere. Despite the whole village being awake at this point, nobody seems to have seen the girl anywhere. The two eventually ran down to the beach – and found Madi unconscious, passed out behind a dune. The flame encasement was open and lying next to her. Clarke fell to her knees, checking on her.

“She’s breathing and has a regular pulse.” Clarke felt relieved at her finding. “You didn’t know how to activate it, right? Please tell me you didn’t…” Clarke’s words got stuck in her throat as she felt behind the girl’s neck. Her hands were still covered in Lexa’s blood, but she could have sworn that she just felt a few fresh and new drops through Madi’s hair right now. Clarke moved Madi’s hair to the side a little and found what she expected but hoped not to see. There was a tiny but deep and bleeding wound at the back of Madi’s neck.

“Oh no, please no…” Clarke gasped in horror. “What have you done?” She shook her head in disbelief, talking to the unconscious girl who was probably not even able to hear her.

“Murphy please help me carry her home.” Clarke cried out desperately. “She took the flame.”

***

“We’re going to plant a tree above it.” Luna wrapped the placenta Lexa had just delivered into a piece of the bedsheet they just tore apart. The sheet was full of Nightblood, which is, according to Luna, not possible to ever wash out of textile fabric. Lexa was a little sad that Clarke wasn’t present as it happened. She originally wanted her to have the honor of cutting the cord, separating her from the baby.

“I would love to keep a piece of her umbilical cord if you don’t mind.” Luna asked.

“It’s an honor.” Lexa replied with a smile on her face. She looks at her daughter, noticing over and over again how perfect this little human being was. She didn’t want to think about having to leave her soon, so she forced herself to live for this moment, just a little longer. She was so unbearably in love with this little child. So honored to be part of her. Lexa thought she was going insane from feeling such overwhelming pride.

“Thanks to you… I dare to speak this word again.” Lexa whispers as her fingertips trace along the features of the little face. Her ears, her nose and lips.

“I love you. My child.”

“I take it you no longer call it weakness.” Luna smiles.

“How can she be a weakness if it required all my strength to bring her into this world?” Lexa kisses the baby’s forehead.

“What will you name her?” Luna asked.

“That’s up to Klark…” Lexa replied. “She wanted to name her Fawn.”

“And if the choice was up to you?” Luna continued.

“Then I would…” Lexa was interrupted by an opening door. Clarke stormed in with tears in her eyes. Murphy followed her a few steps behind – with an unconscious Madi in his arms.

“I’m so sorry…” Clarke cried, shaking her head.

“No…” Lexa’s eyes widened in shock as she saw Madi. She knew what it meant, yet she had hoped there would be another explanation as to why Madi and the flame went missing at the same time.

“You can remove it, right?” Luna walked over to Madi, then looked at Clarke, then at Lexa.

“I can deactivate it, yes.” Lexa confirmed. “I just don’t know how long Madi has been connected with it at this point. She may have already acquired knowledge that was not meant to be for her.”

“Give me the baby.” Luna walked over to the bed. “Can you stand?”

“I think so.” Lexa nodded and got up.

“How did she even know the password?” Luna asked.

“She didn’t. The flame activates itself if it’s held by a Natblida for too long. This is why you should never handle it without the encasement.” Lexa explains.

Lexa walked over to Madi and placed her hand at the back of her neck.

“Quia nunc vale.” Lexa said loud and clearly. Nothing happened.

“Quia nunc vale.” Lexa said again. Nothing happens. She tried one more time. No effect.

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE MADI!” Lexa screams, shaking her head desperately.

“What’s going on? Why is it not working?” Clarke asked.

“The flame no longer responds to my command. It rejects me.” Lexa sighs. “I’m no longer Commander.”

“So does that mean… Madi is?” Clarke asks.

“Yes.” Lexa responds. It was obvious how sad and disappointed she had become over Madi’s actions.

“This is madness! Get it out of her!” Luna calls out in exasperation.

“We can’t. If Lexa is unable to deactivate the flame, we can’t remove it manually. Madi could suffer brain damage or even die, and the mind drive would be damaged or destroyed in the process as well. We need to wait until she wakes up and ask her to shut it off and disconnect from it herself.” Clarke explained, since she knew at least this much as she helped remove it from Lexa before. Murphy laid Madi on the rug, Clarke was beside her holding her head and stroking her hair. “Silly girl. What have you done?” She continues to whisper for a while longer.

“Lexa, you know that Madi becoming Commander and going to Polis is out of the question.” Luna urges.

“I’m no longer in a position to decide on that, Luna. The flame is not something you just remove and pass on as you please. Madi made her choice and now has to live with the consequences.” Lexa replied coldly.

“You say this as if you don’t care for Madi.” Luna criticized Lexa’s harsh and direct statement.

“I do care, Luna. Regardless, I hold no power over the flame anymore.” Lexa was angry at first, then sad. “I’m sorry but I can’t stop what’s been set in motion.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… of course I know this but… I’m scared.” Luna apologized, her words reflecting that she felt puzzled.

“As am I. This is not what I had planned for her either.” Lexa sighs and takes her baby from Luna before making herself comfortable on the bed again to feed her once more.

“Did your milk already…” Clarke started to speak but was immediately interrupted.

“Shhhh….” Lexa closed her eyes and implied that she wanted it to be quiet.

“Stay fluffy while the world blows up. That’s the way to go.” Murphy remarked and even meant that in a positive way. He simply had no idea what he was supposed to say, somehow it was strange and awkward. He wasn’t even supposed to be here, let alone had any idea what his role in this actually was.

“She is waking up.” Clarke noticed and she fluttered nervously as Madi opened her eyes.

“Madi… can you hear me?” Luna addressed her. Madi rises and looks at her. She briefly nods.

“What have you done?” Lexa was done feeding her baby, quickly dressed herself and handed the sleeping bundle over to Luna again.

Lexa was still exhausted and weakened from childbirth and started to cry as she fully began to realize what this would mean for her, for Madi and the future of their people.

“The same as you have done before me. I bear it so you don’t have to. I won’t let you die, and you will accept that.” Madi spoke to Lexa in the voice and tone of the Commander. It felt weird. Lexa felt helpless and vulnerable. She wanted to slap Madi but contained herself.

“This was my fate. This is what I was born for. This was my burden and my duty for my people. My responsibility. What gave you the right to take my life away?” Lexa cried out in despair. She couldn’t even look at the girl at this moment.

“Lexa… the flame chooses. And the flame is never mistaken. Those were the exact words you used.” Clarke tried to calm Lexa down.

Madi stares at Lexa quietly before daring to speak.

“You are more than just Commander.” Madi whispered as tears of awe and devotion filled her eyes. “You can’t die. Your life is too valuable and important. Not just for the life you brought into this world tonight, but for the entire kin of Natblida.” Madi walks over to Luna and takes the newborn child out of her arms. As she walked over to Lexa she carefully looked at her. This child was a miracle, and Madi could almost make out Lexa’s features in her face.

“Lexa…” Madi speaks wisely. “You are the embodiment of life itself. You are hope. You are love. You are a savior in every meaning of the word. You said that you wanted to change the world for the better and save your people – but in fact you already have.” Madi’s words sound like a prayer. Lexa was moved to tears. She couldn’t believe what she heard, but then reminded herself that those were in fact the words of the Commanders, as they were speaking through Madi.

“Will you entrust me with Command?” Madi asked.

“I do. As the previous Commanders already have.” Lexa replied. She could not yet admit it to herself, and her consciousness still made her feel guilty for the fact that Madi secretly and by her own will took the flame and sacrificed herself, bearing the responsibility of the Commander so Lexa would no longer have to – but deep inside her heart, Lexa was happy. No words known to her could express how grateful she was to this girl for giving her the gift of staying with her baby. All her sorrows of the past months – the tears she had shed for having to leave her child behind fell off her shoulders at once.

“The choices we make… You learned that lesson well.” Lexa sighs as Madi hands the baby over to her.

“Perhaps you can do what I wasn’t able to. Lead them with your heart.” Lexa trusted Madi, but she had her doubts – obviously.

“Madi has no training in combat. How is she supposed to be Heda?” Luna objected.

“The Commander is not just combat. One leads with wisdom and compassion. Strength and skill comes with practice. Madi will have to train hard to prevail.” Lexa explains and obviously is very well aware of what she is talking about.

“I will always be with you, Madi.” Lexa encourages her successor. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And a Plot twist.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update.

“Luna.” Lexa rose from the bed, approaching her friend. “Please help me bind her with the sling.” 

Lexa referred to the baby, and Luna did as requested. 

“Lexa, please…” Clarke gazed at her. She clearly felt how upset Lexa was. 

“It’s alright Klark… The sun is rising. I have to go for a walk.” She swallowed thickly. 

Clarke wanted to get up. She wanted to help, to go with Lexa. She wanted to explain why she had no other choice - but she knew that Lexa was already aware of that. 

“Let’s get out of here, kid.” Murphy grabbed Madi by her sleeve and dragged her out of the cottage. “I’d get you to Polis on my own if necessary, but I fear we might have better chances of survival if the Princess is with us.” he explained. 

Luna had no idea whether or not she should stay. On one hand, she wanted to leave Clarke and Lexa alone for the last few moments they might be able to spend together - on the other hand she knew the two of them might start a fight, which she wanted to avoid. 

“We might want to take a walk on the beach.” Luna eventually presented her solution. Lexa nodded. 

“I’m asking for one more day.” Clarke sighs and turns her gaze to Lexa. 

“I would love to spend it with you.” Lexa replied. “We need a plan.” Clarke concluded. She was still confused and overwhelmed about the development of recent events. This is not what she had planned or had in mind just a few hours ago. 

“You should rest and take your time before getting sloppy and make decisions you will regret later.” Luna objected. 

“The question is, how do we get Madi to Polis?” Murphy asked. 

“I’ll do it.” Clarke declared without hesitation as she nervously kneaded her hands.. “As much as this is going to hurt… but our people need an explanation, one that is actually believable and logical.” 

Lexa sighed. She was deeply affected by what Clarke just declared, but despite her unusual situation she currently found herself in, she understands and accepts Clarke’s decision. 

The thought of having to let Clarke go however, was overwhelming and Lexa felt like she needed to get out for some fresh air. 

  
  


They attempted to walk down to the beach, but Lexa had clearly overestimated what she was capable of doing so shortly after giving birth. Clarke helped her to sit down for a while on a nearby rock. 

As Clarke kneels down next to Lexa, she notices the drops of sweat on her forehead and that she was breathing heavily. “Are you in pain?” Clarke asked but didn’t get an immediate response. “Would you like to return to bed?” She eventually asked after a while. 

“It’s alright Klark. The pain won’t last for long.” Clarke almost wanted to drag Lexa back inside and put her back into bed, but she just waited as she was told. How was she so strong? Clarke spoke to herself quietly inside of her mind. 

Clarke looked at the newborn baby who was peacefully sleeping inside her sling, tightly bound to Lexa’s body. 

“She’s wearing what I made for her… or well, Madi ended up making for her.” Clarke proudly noticed. 

“You did your best, Klark. Even if knitting might not be your strongest skill, you tried hard and this is why you should be proud of yourself.” Clarke thought yet again about how amazing Lexa was. No matter what she would do and no matter how terrible she ended up being at it, Lexa would always be there to lift her up, to affirm her, so she would no longer feel bad about her failure. Even if it was just something as simple and insignificant as a baby’s onesie. 

“Can I touch her?” Clarke asked hesitantly with a smile on her lips. 

“Klark, she is your child as well. I entrusted you with her - and even if I’m the one ending up raising her after all… I would always do it again.” Lexa smiled back at her and answered her beloved with a sore voice. Clarke leans in to kiss her. The salty wind from the shore was blowing through their hair. The little one was right between the two of them, sleeping calmly. 

“I’m sorry.” Clarke broke the kiss as she whispers in tears. 

“Don’t be. You have to bring the Commander back to her people.” Lexa replied understandingly, yet sad. “It’s odd. The Commander is supposed to protect you, however in this case… this specific Commander might be in need of your protection.” 

“I thought the flame never was mistaken when choosing who’s supposed to become Commander.” Clarke remarked. 

“We might not always understand and immediately approve of it, but I will try not to fight against the decisions of fate any longer.” Lexa sighs sadly and looks at the sea. “Who am I?” She holds her hand in front of herself, looking at the scars, the lines and the shape of her fingernails. Lexa notices details she had never really noticed before. “I believed that I would be the Commander until the moment of my dying breath, but that turned out to be untrue after all.” 

“You are still the same person, Lexa.” Clarke tried to comfort her. “I love you.” 

“The f+uture is no longer in my hands, yet at the same time it is more important to me than it ever was before. It’s a little frightening.” 

“I know.” Clarke replied. “we should stop calling her she, or just the baby.” Clarke gently cupped the little head of their daughter. 

“Giving her the name of my little sister will be too painful for me. I can’t be reminded of her loss every time I look into my daughter’s eyes.” Lexa explained why Clarke’s name choice was not an option. 

“I’m curious if you have decided on anything else.” Clarke smiled, because she honestly had no idea for a girl’s name. If Lexa didn’t come up with the ultimate choice right now, they’d really be in trouble. 

“Davina.” Lexa smiled. 

“It means love.” Clarke replied surprised. 

“That’s the reason why.” Lexa answered in a soft whisper. 

“There was so much I still want to tell you… before I have to leave.” Clarke closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “Somehow I never end up saying what I actually want to say when I’m with you.” 

Lexa listens carefully while looking at Clarke. She doesn’t exactly know what Clarke meant by that. 

“Time seems to stand still and I seem to lose my words… because everything is just perfect when you’re next to me.” Clarke speaks right from her heart. “Staring at the sea with you in my arms is somehow everything I was longing for… and I didn’t even know it until we got here.” She protectively wraps her arms around Lexa. Clarke’s love for her seemed to increase with every passing moment. 

“I love you very much, Klark.” The words still feel heavy to Lexa as they fall from her mouth, but they were honest and pure.

Clarke relives the moment of Davina’s birth. Such emotional and vulnerable hours. A treasure she was able to hold onto only in her memories, in her heart. It was almost impossible to express her feelings about this event with words. Clarke never was much of a poet anyway. She expressed herself with art. That’s why she couldn’t take her eyes away from the little miracle’s face. Those few memories needed to be enough for her entire remaining life. 

“Klark… you may have to go back to your people for now… but isn’t it Skaikru who used to say may we meet again?” Lexa leans closer to Clarke, so their foreheads touch. 

“I don’t want to lose you.” Clarke whispers into Lexa’s ear. 

“Klark… not even death can end my love for you. No matter where you go… I will always be with you and love you forever.” 

And so their last remaining day together seemed to fly faster than the clouds above the ocean. Before Clarke left together with Madi and John, she made sure to preserve her memory in one last drawing she made of Lexa and Davina. 

“May we meet again.” Were the words Lexa said as they took each other’s hands for the last time. 

A braid of Lexa’s hair and a piece of the blood stained bed sheets she gave birth on were safely packed with her belongings - alongside her forehead jewelry piece and the flame encasement. 

Lexa the Commander is dead - and with these items Clarke will be able to prove it. 

“So Madi is walking the path I so hard tried to shield her from.” Luna places her hand on Lexa’s shoulder as she saw her gazing at the shore where Derek just left with Clarke, Madi and John.

“I feel guilty. If I never had come here then…”

“Shhh…” Luna interrupted Lexa. “Come with me. You should have some tea and a warm meal.” Luna gently brushes Lexa’s arm and tugs her hand. “Do you think it was alright to keep the dog?” Luna looks at Picasso who was sitting next to Lexa and appears to also gaze at the sea, missing the ones who just left. 

“Niylah will get over it.” Lexa just bluntly replied. “Besides, Picasso has grown very attached to me.” She explained before the two women left the seaside and walked back to the village. 

***  
  
Clarke shakes her head in disbelief as she sets foot on the beach from which she departed together with Lexa before last winter. She remembers everything so clearly as she looks at the scenery again. It has just been a few hours, yet she still misses her family so deeply that she cries. 

“Hey, I know what she meant…” Murphy approached Clarke in an attempt to comfort her. 

“I’m fine” Clarke dodged Murphy’s attempt at comforting her. 

Madi remained mostly silent. Despite her guilty conscience over Clarke and Lexa, she never actually had any doubts that she did the right thing. 

“We should go to the abandoned village.” Clarke suggested. “This way.” She slowly began to remember where it exactly was located. 

They arrived after a short walk and Clarke was looking for the cottage where she and Lexa had left Niylah’s belongings. It wasn’t long until she found it. 

“What are you looking for?” Madi followed Clarke and saw that she took a seat on the floor, next to the cart which was still standing where they had left it. “What is it?” Madi asked as she saw Clarke pressing one of her palms on the ground. 

  
“This is where I removed the flame from Lexa.” Clarke whispers and she was unable to hold back her tears. “There’s still a few drops of her blood.” She lifts her palm, revealing the stains of Nightblood before gazing at Madi. 

“We have to pretend she’s no longer alive. Do you understand that?” Clarke insists, her eyes locked with those of the younger girl. 

“I do, I do. Please don’t worry about my lack of expression.” Madi explains. “To be honest… I find it impossible to mourn someone who is still alive and well. However, I can pretend that the flame is suppressing my emotions. To an extent this is even true.” She continued to explain further. “In the beginning the effect was the same for Lexa, but with the passing of time you get used to it, and your true personality and emotions resurface.” 

“Yeah, Lexa mentioned something like that.” Clarke recalls and confirms. “Don’t get me wrong, It’s not that I cry because I pretend.” She sighs. “I just miss them. Even if they’re safe.”

“And you will see your family again.” Madi takes Clarke’s hand. 

“Sometimes it’s scary how much you resemble her.” Clarke notices and speaks her thoughts out loud. “Oh sorry I… should have thought before I spoke.” She apologizes, but Madi just answers with a delightful smile. 

“Girls?” Murphy interrupted their conversation. “I’m sorry to distract you, but we need a story for the Queen and the baldie.” 

“Neither Clarke nor myself are very good at deceiving people. However, I believe you are, John Murphy.” Madi addressed the Skaikru man. 

“Yeah well… I’m not very good at writing stories either. I just came up with something that might be believable.” Murphy sat down next to them and continued explaining further. “I stole a bunch of stuff and the two of you ran into me at the bunker near the border. At first I thought you were the guys I robbed, who came running after my ass. I thought I was in trouble, and I took my gun and shot Lexa. I only realized it was the two of you when you started crying and screaming.” He looks at Clarke, takes a break and continues to explain. 

“You tried to save her but she didn’t make it. I told you how to remove the flame, since that was unfortunately necessary before we could bury her corpse. Obviously I knew how to, from spending so much time in Ontari’s torture chamber and that bitch couldn’t keep her mouth shut. You already hate me anyway so … there is no need for you to pretend.” 

“And then the two of you just ran into me by coincidence, threw the flame at me and shouted ascende superius?” Madi teased. 

“That’s more or less the short version of it.” Murphy teased right back. 

“Right.” Clarke rolled her eyes and nodded. “So when did you exactly kill Lexa? Accidentally? Even though your shots never hit her, but that’s alright.” 

“Right.” Clarke rolled her eyes and nodded. “So when did you exactly kill Lexa? Accidentally? Even though you never meant to shoot her, but that’s alright.” 

“Oh well, pretty soon after you guys ran away from Arcadia, or Polis or wherever you ran away from. I mean we had to look for an appropriate successor and eventually we found this brat in…” 

“Hey, I’m almost fourteen! I’m an adult just like you.” Madi interrupted. 

“Shut it Hobbit, the grownups are talking!” Murphy cut her off and Madi grumpily glared at him. “Where are ya from again?” He asked. 

“Hobbit?” Clarkre’s brow furrows and she almost wanted to slap Murphy for referring to Madi that way. 

“Louwoda Kliron.” Madi replied. “Or shallow valley.” 

“That clan is almost fully extinct.” Murphy replied. 

“Yes… Shortly after my parents died, Kaya found me and that’s when we both went to Luna, asking for safe passage. 

“Yes, but we can’t include that part.” Clarke noticed. “You said you have been living with the hidden boat people for about a year before we arrived, right?” Clarke asked and Madi nodded. 

“How believable would it be to claim that you lived alone in the woods for that period of time?” Clarke asked. She looked at Madi, then John and then Madi again. 

“Oh considering how wild she is…” Murphy snarled. 

“Is that true Madi? Are you… wild?” Clarke smirked, more joking than serious. 

“Like the Pauna.” Madi nodded and couldn’t hold back a small giggle. 

“Alright, we have our story. Grab that junk and let’s head for the bunker. Maybe we’ll make it there before sunset.” Murphy said. 

Clarke tried to pull the cart, but without a dog, it wouldn’t really work efficiently. “I guess we skip the tradepost. Niyla probably won’t see that thing ever again, but I don’t care about my reputation at this point anymore.” Clarke ranted before the three of them disappeared into the forest. 


End file.
